The Life and Times of MimiX

2011-02-07T13:37:00.000-08:00

(Francisco Nunez, what a cutie!)

District II was awesome! It was held Friday and Saturday at a local high school, which was very nice. I loved our director! His name was Francisco Nunez. He is the director of the Young People's Chorus of New York City and is hot!! ;) he was also very funny and nice, but also brutally truthful which is good when it comes to choral music. But it was a lot of fun and we sang a lot of great music from all around the world. We did this Japanese piece that was really hard. I kind of just made up the words during the performance. We were probably the weakest choir out of the whole festival, but that is expected because it is freshmen and junior girls only.

Today was a normal Monday. Nothing interesting. Lots of work to do, but that's okay because most of it's long term stuff. I was in a very good mood today if your interested in that type of stuff. I don't know why. I guess because it was an easy day and I got to hang out with Jon yesterday which is a rare and amazing thing.

Oh and also because i have started planning out my classes for next year which is a scary but totally exciting thing! Because next year i actually get to take classes that are going to help me in my actual chosen career path. No pointless math classes or gym electives (only one next year, but w/e). Psychology, anatomy (chem teacher suggested it since I'm going into psychology), music theory and senior year here I come! Accept not really for another 1/2 year, but that's okay!

MX

2011-02-03T14:14:00.001-08:00

So today was super duper boring. Seriously nothing happened. I went to starbucks and got a skinny latte. "Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof." Ten coolness points to your ego if you get that quote...
Ya I got nothing. Tomorrow's Districr II Honors choral festival so no class for me! woot woot!

Peace,
MX

2011-02-02T13:37:00.000-08:00

i meant to write yesterday about my oh so interesting Tuesday/ Friday schedule, but I got home at 11:30, so you'll have to wait until next Tuesday to read about that!

Today we had a snow day, if you've been watching the news in New England, I think you already knew that. I have no idea how much snow we got, but it is a lot. I'm pretty sure it's stopped...yep it did i just looked out the window. But i know the snow is almost piled up to the top of my fence, so there's a lot of snow. People say they don't want snow because we will be in school later into the summer, but I really don't care. I think we are done school on June 21st at this point, which is perfectly fine with me. June is a crappy weather month; it is always rainy and not really hot yet. And I really appreciate snow days because i don't have to get up at the butt crack of dawn (quote my dad, he says it all the time!) and go out in to freezing cold weather. and I don't have to worry about homework the night before. in June I am not waking up to freezing cold, but warmth. And if it is to hot, it doesn't matter because my school is awesome and is air conditioned. Oh and mentally for students and teachers, school is done in may so we are not going to be doing as much work (if any) compared to the days we would have been in school if we didn't have a snow day. SO ya, snow days are good.

I got to sleep in and I made chocolate chip pancakes and then i cleaned my room which was totally trashed because yesterday I couldn't find what I wanted to wear. I did all my homework and all the self assigned work i had for chem. We always get a bunvh of worksheets and reading/ Cornell notes assignments in chemistry, but they aren't due until the end of the semester. They aren't actually ever do they just have to be in your binder and looking like you actually have been doing work which is hard to make it look like if you haven't actually done the work. So having work not actually have to be passed in for a grade makes it easy for work to pile up. A couple of weeks ago me and my friend spent an entire day catching up on this work. I do not want to have to do that again even though it was fun my friend, it was still rather painful to get through.

After that was all done i decided to paint my nails. I didn't like the way my nails came out so i decided to take the nail polish off. I couldn't find any nail polish remover, so i used clear nail polish to get the black nail polish off. Then like an hour later, i found the nail polish remover. Of course :/

Yep that was my day, pretty boring but I got a lot done and I didn't have school so its all good!

MX

2011-01-31T11:51:00.000-08:00

I made a note for myself to write today along side my to do list, and what do you know, it worked!

Normal school day today. But you probably don't know what my normal day is like so let me lay it out for you.

First period (starts at 7:25): (periods are 80 mins) AP English III with Sandy. This class can be very boring. Occasionally, it is interesting. We write essays and talk about current event/ writing techniques, that's it. I sit with my really good friend Georgia and we have fun passing notes and whispering about stuff then laughing hysterically about things that nobody else understands. Sandy is a very good teacher and is very nice to me, sometimes too nice. He told me I was beautiful the other day. It was awkward since we were alone in the room.

Home Room or advisory: Boring. talk to my friends for like 10 minutes, read announcements.

Study hall: Last semester this was yoga but second semester started today and Oh my god I hate SH. It is so dumb. We have to stay in the cafe and my study hall advisor is like a nazi and doesn't let you go anywhere even if you are a junior and have privileges which allows you to go anywhere during your study hall. And i can not focus to actually do study in study hall because i have friends to talk to. So i emailed my counselor today about having another gym class during this period to get my gym credit taken care of.

Lunch: at 10:32. Way to early, it is so weird. but it is a lot of fun. we have so manyt people that sit at our lunch table. An 8 person gtable fits 12-15 people. Craziness, but a lot of fun. Lots of very weir, inter sting, disgusting, strange, inappropriate, funny conversations go on during this time. Plus this is one of the only times I get to see Jon :)

Honors History: Easy class. Teacher is very nice and funny. And I have friends in this class too! The subject also fascinates me because I haven't really learned about it. (US history and current events).

Honors Chemistry: Oh my, i fail at this class. i try really hard, but science I can never get. I have no idea why I'm in honors. My teacher is also great, she is very funny and one of those teachers that everyone seems to like. I try to pretend that chem is potions at Hogwarts; it helps sometimes.

I take more classes but that is a different schedule that is on Tue/ Fri and another one for Wed. This one is for Mon/ Thur.

That was my day. I have very little homework, and we will probably have a snow day Wed so none of it would be due until Thursday anyway. Now I'm home watching tv, checking out fb and the blogs I follow and I'm going to practice piano a little so I'll write tomorrow!

MX

2011-01-30T16:16:00.000-08:00

Oh MY GOSH this is my 100th post! Woot! not gunna be that interesting though. I just wanted to write. I kinda want to write everyday, but I always forget so i'm going to bu a post it on my planner for school or something reminding me to post.

Anyways...this weekend i hung out with my friends <3 love em. We had a sleepover after we watched a local production of The Wedding Singer (which was awsome) and we had a children of the corn marathon. There are like 7 of them but we only had a couple of them. We wouldn't eat popcorn during it because we thought it was going to eat us an turn us into children. Then we drew pictures with crayons and made clay pots. Hahaha we are so mature. Then there was an epic procedure of getting a king sized blow-up mattress into a space tthat coukldnt fit a king sized matress. Oh and my friend got her car stuck in the snow and we could not get it out!! we were all out inj the morning in our PJ's trying to dig it out (lol actually I was laughing and stod there laughing) then my friend pushed me into the snow. We finally got the car unstuck after my other friend rocked it from neutral to reverse for like 5 minutes. I think my friend died a little when we got it unstuck. She was so happy she like made out w/ the ground. Very funny, kinda disturbing though.

2011

2011-01-02T17:26:00.000-08:00

My resolutions:

1) stop procrastinating!!! which means no being on the computer so much

2) Find a living arragnment I can live with. Moving from mom/ dad's like this sucks

3) GET A JOB! I need $ for Paris and drivers ed.

4) Leave the Catholic church and join the UCC. This one isn't set in stone, I still need to talk to my parents/ the minister at the UCC

5) Read more

6) Blog more. I am going to try every day, but I don't know how well that will work.

7) Paractice guitar/ piano

8) Do better in school (mostly in chem...)

9) Go back to therapy

10) keep my room clean 24/7

11) Be a better person than I was in 2010

2010-12-23T17:08:00.000-08:00

SO, I have been meaning to write since Tuesday night (besides the little tiny post I posted) but there is this thing called the Internet which is an amazing and helpful creation but it is also the worst thing ever thought of by the human mind. I have wasted so much time this week on the Internet doing absolutely nothing of any real purpose.

When I wasn't wasting brain cells on facebook or playing tetris, I was cleaning, shopping, and cooking. We have made so many cookies in the last three days. Actually, I haven't made many because my sister and my Mon think I am incapable of making satisfactory cookies. So I burnt a few and broke a few. Big deal. I did make stuffed shells though, they came out nice. I don't usually cook, I kind of hate it and so I don't real put a whole lot of effort in when I actually do cook and that's probably why everything I make comes out like crap. I should work on that...

I have done so much cleaning though. For some strange reason I am the one that cleans up after my mom and sister cook. I have no idea how that works, but I feel like I have cleaned the kitchen a few to many times in one week.

I have also visited the mall twice. Or was it three times? I don't remember. But the mall is crazy and I don't understand why we couldn't do our x-mas shopping in one day instead of spreading it out over 3 days. I had to get my last gift today (a mall gift card for my family secret Santa) and I COULD NOT find the stupid place where you can buy those. If your wondering, it's in this tiny little store near sears on the right. I swear we walked around the mall 3 times before we finally decided to look at a directory to see if we could find it. Good times. But, all the shopping is done. I still have to wrap somethings (hahaha, just kidding. Everything.) Ya gift bags!

On Monday I went to a family Christmas party. It was my mom's mom's side of the family. There so many people. Dinner was crazy. We had like 3 dining room tables put together plus the coffee table for the little kids and there still wasn't enough room for everyone. There are so many cousins. First, seconds and thirds! I can honestly say I do not remember all of the names. It was kind of awkward because I hadn't seen any of my family for so long because i have been spending a lot of time at my dad's. It was really good to see everyone again though. And it was so much fun! My cousins are so funny! I don't even know what they do that is so amusing, just everything I guess from the things that they say to the way that they act around each other. Oh I love my cousins, there awesome.

Tuesday was a very interesting day to say the least. It was also an incredible day. Jon came over and we hung out all day. It was awesome, we never get to do that. Ever. So it was really nice. We played in the snow, made a fort out of blankets, failed at making a for out of blankets, and just hung out and talked.Oh and Jon gave me his Christmas gifts!!! He got me a really pretty scarf and this hanging elephant thing ( i love elephants if you didn't know) and a beautiful bracelet with stars on it! Such great gifts! and there is a really funny story about the bracelet. Well, I think it's funny. I don't know if he does. So, he told me that he was intimidated to be in a jewelry store and that the sales lady kind of intimidated him into buying something. End story. Well, I thought it was cute. Anyway, later on we met up with our friend Molly in the old port. We went on a journey to find this palm reading place me and Jon had googled. we successfully located the place with he use of google maps on my ipod to find that it was no longer the psychic place, but an ice cream store. But then as we were mindlessly walking around attempting to find a place to eat that was vegan (for a friend we were suppose to be meeting, whom actually didn't come to dinner with us.) and that had a wide varieties of food so that Molly, worlds pickiest eater, could find something to eat. We finally stumbled upon Pat's Pizza which conveniently was placed next to a psychic and hookah place. But the lady couldn't do any readings because she had gotten robbed the night before and she didn't wasn't her bad luck to taint our fortunes. But we had a good dinner and very intersting conversations about all the prego girls at our school and about how much had to happen for us to all become friends (me moving to Windham and such). Then we went to Mexicali Blues and me and Molly bought bindis. We looked so cool walking around Portland with those on our foreheads. Then we took another epic journey to find this cafe where we were meting some more people at for a slam poetry night. I had the map up one my ipod and everything, but we still kind of got lost walking like literally 15 minutes away from where we started. We made jon go into a deli and ask this guy how to get there. We did get there eventually. It was a very fun walk although it was kind of freezing. The poetry slam thing was amazing! Jon read and he did a great job. There were so many good poets and some of them were really funny. Especially this one poem this guy read about what he was going to say to his daughters first boyfriend (intimidation and all that good stuff) and Just looked Jon just and said "yep, that's my dad". I feel like I learned a lot through those poems about the people reading them, and life. It was really cool. One the way home (my friend was driving) I could not give proper directions to my house at all, so we had to wipe out her GPS. Oh technology.

And that's been my week. More to come I'm sure...

MX

2010-12-21T20:06:00.000-08:00

My mind is filled with deep thoughts and rather hilarious things that spill out onto the page like poetry. My room is trashed and I don't know how it got to be. My eye is very swollen from an unknown cause. I now know where the legitimate palm readers are in the old port. I apparently don't know where I live. And my heart is filled with so much love and happiness I think it might explode. Bet your wondering what kind of day I had...

On Vacation and Writing a Blog

2010-12-17T18:10:00.000-08:00

I really wish I was better at keeping a blog. I use to be pretty consistent about it, but that is way beck when I had a lot of free time after school and a ton of study halls. But I have been so busy with school and theater and such and I only have one study hall a week. One. And that study hall is never used for studying, it is used to hang out with Jon ;) But I am on Christmas vacation starting today! So, I suppose I could take a few minutes to get you all caught up on my terribly uninteresting life...

Well, the fall musical has come and gone. As usual, it was a fantastic show and it was a blast to be a part of. During our hell week (the crazy week before the show opens, dress rehearsals, etc) was very stressful and many of us were beginning to believe that the show was going to be any good at all. But it came together so quickly and ended up being one of the best musicals the high school has done in a while. We had so many people come to every show every night, it was awesome!

The week after the musical closed was Thanksgiving break. I didn't do much over that break. We had a bunch of people (aunt, uncle, cousins, step cousin, step grandmother, step brother) come to my dad's house for thanksgiving dinner. That went really well; everybody got along really well. it was strange, i feel like every other family dinner i have been at 9mostly on my mom's side of the family) there has been some sort of 'family drama'. But, there wasn't and we all had a great day/ night. And oh my god there was so much food. So much. Yummmmm! I swear all I ate that week was left over mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce. Oh and I got to experience the craziness of black Friday at the Maine Mall! My dad woke me up at 4:30 in the frigging morning to go to the mall. The mall. I really don't enjoy the mall when its so incredibly packed that the lines are out the door. But there were really great deals. I didn't think that they would be any really amazing sales like people made it out to be, but there truly was and I got most of my shopping done.

When we got back to school after break, we went right into hell week for An American Family Holiday (Amfam), our amazingly awesome chamber singers Christmas concert. This hell week was so much fun! There was a ton of work to be done (I untangled so many lights and measured so many things) but we all have a really great time working together. We usually convert the musical set into our set for Amfam, so that is what we spend most of hell week doing. Our set came out awesome! it was a white house and red barn painted with Christmas decorations, snow, pine trees; all the stereotypical Maine at Christmas time types of things. Both shows were completely sold out. That meant soooo many tickets to be processed. I did a lot of work in our ticket office (we literally have a ticket office in one of the music practice rooms)this year. It's fun, there are just so many tickets that have to be pullet, envelopes to be addressed and so forth. Our guest for Amfam this year was Sutton Foster, famous broadway actress. She was the original (I think the only) Fiona in Shrek the Musical on Broadway and she was also the original Millie in Thoroughly Modern Millie along with many other Broadway shows. She is such an incredible actress and singer! And she is so down to earth. Everyone was so afraid that she was going to be a diva, but she wasn't at all!! she was so nice and easy to. I went out to dinner with her, my dad, the chamber singers officers, Linda, Anna, and the pit band. Sutton sat across from me ad I nearly peed. It was so awesome to bea ble to talk to her; she is just a really chill and free-spirited type of person. The whole Amfam experience was amazing and it was so sad the next day when it was over, but it wasn't all that bad because I got to hang out with Jon. ;)

The next 2 weeks were boring. Nothing happened, seriously. There was school and that was about it. I auditioned for the one act, The Happy Prince. It has such a good storyline, very sad though. I didn't make it. I thought I had a very good audition, and according to other people I did too. But it's okay. There's always next year. I will still be doing backstage to prove to the director (Who i think plays favorites and who doesn't like me a whole bunch, and I don't say that just because I didn't make the show) how dedicated I am.

And now here I am, on vacation! :D I spent another epic, expensive ( I seriously have $10 in my bank account :/ ) day at the mall and a beautiful Christmas lights and fireworks filled night in the old port. Tomorrow I'm off to party it up with the family!
PEACE, LOVE, HAPPINESS

MX

2010-10-12T18:41:00.000-07:00

I feel really depressed today. This is kind of scaring me. I haven't felt depressed in over 10 months. I think the only reason I am feeling depressed is because my mom and my sister were fighting. Really fighting. Screaming and hair pulling, somewhat physical fighting. that stresses me out so much, not even to mention that I have to finish this English paper thing that was due almost a week ago. UGHHHHHHHHH!!!! Wow, I hate this. I hate living at my moms houses. She can be such a shitty parent sometimes. She's in good a mood one moment; she is perfectly happy. Then she's angry and yelling, and then she's cry and finally back to happy again. She just came in to say good night to me and she seemed in a good mood. She asked me what was wrong after I didn't respond when she said I love you. I just wanted to scream and say "it's really hard to believe that and say I love you back after you were just screaming at and attacking my sister!" I don't really know what to call what she did. She was trying to get my sisters phone when she was talking on it and she was on top of her and grabbing at her and kind of slapping her. Anna told me her arms were all red afterwards and her arm was slightly bleeding because my mom dug into her. This doesn't happen all the time, but there is always fighting going on in my house. And I'm scared. Scared that one day my mom is just gunna snap....

Columbus Day Weekend (that was like 3 weeks ago)

2010-10-10T13:58:00.000-07:00

So I'm in PA visiting my godmother and my cousins (my cousins: JA and Mac, they're twins, 14 and Kay, 16) this weekend. My sis, my Nana, and me left at 12:30 on Friday afternoon and we didn't get to my aunts house until 10:30. Seriously, 10 hours in a car with my Nana and Anna is not exactly how i wanted to spend my Friday. And my grandmother is a crazy driver. I didn't feel safe driving with her. She will go wicked fast then stop really quickly and she is absolutely horrible at parking. We got so many dirty looks from other drivers. What was nice though is that she has a van and I got the back seat all to my self, so there was a ton of room. I slept most of the way and pretended to be asleep the rest of the way while listening to my iPod.

My aunt lives in a really cute town where everything is pretty much walking distance. I mean the downtown w/ shops and restaurants are about a 15 minute walk and the shopping plaza with the grocery store (which is called Acme, which I thought was weird) is like a 5 minute walk. So when we got there me, Anna, and my cousins decided to walk to a gas station to get food. It was very random. I have to say it was very awkward at first because all of us were really quite and we hadn't seen each other in a super long time. But it got better, slowly, but it did. The nexxt morning we went to a bazaar type thing where they had a ton of different booths of things to buy. My aunt bought me an awesome Burberyy purse and a hair clip. we then went to lunch at Salad Works. We don't have a salad works near me, not even in Maine i don't think. It is such an awesome place! They have the best salads. It's like a Subway for salads, but more high quality. Just saying it's awesome....

Any way, when we got home we help my aunt clean out her back yard. There was just a bunch of weeding to do especially around her wicked cool pond that has a ton of fish in it (gold fish that is). It's really pretty.

During this cleaning time me and my cousin Kay went to Acme to get trash bags. While we were there Kay bought some black hair dye. I found this amazingly awesome red hair dye for naturally dark hair, but since my sis was there I didn't buy it. Later me and my cousin went out again with her friend (without my sis) to go buy the hair dye. On the way there my cousin decided to have a cigarette. Now I know she smoked, but I didn't think she would with me around because well, she had no idea if I would tell on her or not. Of course I wouldn't, but my sis would. So, she offered me one and I took it.

Okay, so I don't smoke a lot. I have, and it wasn't as repulsive as i thought it would be and honestly i actually kind of liked it. So ya, I smoked probably to much in one weekend. But whatever, I really don't do it a lot, just occasional; I was in a rebellious mood.

Later, my cousin was about to do my hair when we got home, but my sister called my dad so I could ask him if i could dye my hair. he said no. So my aunt called him. Final result: i got my hair dyed an awesome shade of red.

That night, my cousin Kay, went to a pary. My other cousins and my sister watched a movie and I talked to jon on skype for like 5 hours. I was sitting at the garage at like one in the morning ( i was in the garage so that no one would hear me talking, they have a small house). My aunt came in and asked me if Kay was home yet (her curfew was at 12). So me and my aunt went to go pick her up. My aunt was pissed since Kay told her she was getting a ride home. Kay was obviously drunk when we picked her up and they fought the whole way home. So when we got home, I stayed out side with Kay till 4 in the morning and we talked about everything. It's sad. My whole family has always thought of Kay as "a bad kid" since forever because her mom is so chill and she was dressing like a teenager since she was 10 and she never made the best decisions, but she is really not a "bad kid". She has just been through so much with her dad being sick and pretty much dying her entire life. She has done a lot of things she shouldn't have. But she is trying to change. She even made the decision to transfer to a Private Catholic school to get away from all the drama at her other school.

The next morning we had to go to church, I was pissed. I hadn't been to church forever and when I do go to a church, I don't go to a catholic church like I was brought up in but the UCC where my dad works. And recently I have (for the time being) decided that I am agnostic, mostly because I don't know what I believe, but I do know that i really can't believe any more the things the catholic church teaches, I respect anyone that is catholic or any other religion, I just don't want to be a part of it anymore. So, anyway in church there was some southern minister talking about abortion the entire time, about how it was murder and how you shouldn't put your kids up for adoption because it's wrong. I don't even want to get into how mad this made me but I think you can understand knowing that I am adopted. And it also really made me mad how happy my grandmother was with his sermon, but I told her I just didn't want to talk about it because I would get in a fight with her. She looked hurt, but I did not want to get into it. Also at church, when my cousin JA went up to get the Eucharist,she forgot what to say. (You say 'Amen' after the priest says 'The body of Christ'.) and then the priest was like "Amen?" and my cousin took the Eucharist and like, booked it out of the church. It was really awkward because thee priest like stoped the communion and stared at her running out. Maybe because she didn't know what to say or maybe it was because she was wearing all black. I was the next one in line for Communion and i didn't take the Eucharist because I felt like it was hypocritical since i don't believe in God. He probably thought our family was crazy.

After chrurch we went to the mall and my aunbt took Kay, Mcari and me to ger our second holes in our ears done. My mom does not approve of this and we didn't ask her but we got them do anyway. (I had them done about a year ago, but my mom saw them and made me take them out). So we got those done, and theuy looked graet. Then we went shopping and then hung out the reat of the day. Oh yeah, Kay went in a car with some of her guy friends when my aunt wasn't home, but my grandmother was. my grandmother told her not to go with them, but she didn't listen and she just left. She came home later and got into this huge fight with my grandmother about how our whole family assumes that she is such a bad person even though she's not. There is always family drama...

That night we dyed my sisters hair from brown to blonde and that's about it.

We left about 10 the next morning to go home and the ride was boring and long.

So that was my long weekend. I had a lot of fun hanging out with my cousins and my aunt and I got to dye my hair/ get my ears pierced! I also learned alot about myself this weekend: 1) I will always and forever have a rebellious side 2) so i really need to stay out of situations in which I will be tempted to do stupid things

Oh the things you learn in a small town in PA...

2010-09-30T08:53:00.001-07:00

Well, so I can post to blogger, but cant't read blogs. Thats stupid.

MY LIFE JUST GOT SO MUCH BETTER

2010-09-30T08:32:00.000-07:00

Your probably expecting some awesome post about something awesome that happened in my life, right? HAHAHA, sorry. They just unblocked Blogger from our school netbooks! So now I have something to do in all my ridiculous boring classes. I'm in honors US history now sitting at my teachers desk because my laptop died and the only available outlet is behind her desk. So, this week is spirit week because homecoming is this weekemd. Monday was pajama day, obviously I wore my AMAZING purple flannel pants. Tuesday was tie dye day. I had a shirt. Wednesday was wacky Wednesday.There were so many bizarre things. One of the teahcers was all in camo with maks and all. It was scary. I wore fishnets with cut off jeans, one knee sock that was bright pink and one of those cut of shirts witrh one sleeve. And the best part of my outfit was my blazer from private school! I was judged greatly. Today is food day. Ya food day. The homecoming theme is the 5 food groups. Juniors are dairy. I have seen so many banana and hot dog suits and people doing strange things with those suits. Okay people its not that funny lets act our age. I have also seen a chicken costume, Wendy (like the fast food restaurant), a guy in a gorilla suit (?) and people dressed like zombies. Zombies are not food. IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. Just because zombies eat people doesn't make them food related( that's what a freshman told me today.)Oh I love My school. I have seen so many crazy things. Even when it's not spirit week, their is always that one guy dressed up like a mattress. Ya someone did that, just for fun.

So i should probably participate in the class discussion on how the US has changed in terms of diversity :/ fun times

MX

2010-09-28T17:43:00.000-07:00

So, Im attempting to study for chem and I am an epic faluire at that. I am so stressed out with all my AP English work and this stupid test!!! I just wish I had till friday to study for it and my life would be so much easier!!! ahhhhhhhh I can't fail! I think I understand everything I just need more time to engrave it in my brain....I hate chem it has to much damn math! And not the easy kind :/

But it's gunna be okay. I just have to keep telling myself that and maybe it will become true.

Even though I am really stressed I am so happy, for once. It's amazing.

Side story, but Jon wrote me a poem, and it's a really good poem. (I might post it at some point.) And he left it in my locker. So sweet.

So now when ever I get discouraged, I read the poem and think of the incredible guy who wrote it for me and I can't help but smile and feel amazing. :)

Anyway, back to studying....
MX

2010-09-24T17:54:00.001-07:00

It's Friday night and I seriously have nothing to do. So here are a bunch of totally random and pointless facts about me, mostly for my entertainment and maybe (maybe) yours!

Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed?
Always Colsed

Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
Yes, I have large quanaties of them in my bathroom cupboard

Where is your next vacation?
Thanksgiving break, I think

Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
No, why in gods name would I do that?

Who do you think reads these?
People who are cool, duh!

Do you have a calendar in your room?
I have 2

Where are you?
On my bed

What's your plan for the day?
Well, it's 8:30PM, so i will be sleeping pretty soon

Are you reading any books right now?
Angela's Ashes

Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
When I am reallllllyyyyy boreed

Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
All the time, everyday

Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Yep

Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Ya, it's cute

Do you still watch cartoons?
ALL THE TIME

Whats your favorite love movie?
Love Actually

What do you drink with dinner?
Water

What do you dip Chicken Nuggets in?
Ketchup

What is your favorite food/cuisine?
NYC style bagels

What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
RENT

Last person you hugged/kissed?
Jon and Jon

Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
4th grade-6th grade

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
This July to my boyfriend at camp. I don't think I actually ended up sending it.

Can you change the oil on a car?
HAHAHA nope

Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
I CAN NOT DRIVE. AT ALL

Favorite kind of sandwich?
Hero

Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Bagels

What is your usual bedtime?
9

Are you lazy?
Sometimes, yes very much so

When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
A pumpkin

Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Rolling Stones

Which are better, legos or lincoln logs?
LEGOS

Are you stubborn?
Ya

Who is better...Leno or Letterman?
Leno

Ever watch soap operas?
Ewwww, NO

Afraid of heights?
YES

Sing in the car?
All the time. I go crazy when it's quite in the car

Dance in the shower?
No, I feel like that's dangerous. For me at least

Dance in the car?
Yes

Ever used a gun?
BB gun

Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Some of them are very cheesy, but most of them aren't

Is Christmas stressful?
It can be

Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
A nun

Do you believe in ghosts?
I prefer the term spirits, but ya

Ever have a deja-vu feeling?
Everyday it seems like

Wear slippers?
All around the house

Wear a bath robe?
Not really

What do you wear to bed?
Mens flannel pants and a tank top

Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart?
Target

Nike or Adidas?
Nike

Cheetos Or Fritos?
Cheetos of course

Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Peanuts

Ever taken karate?
For 2 years

Ever kissed someone of the same sex?
On a dare

Can you curl your tongue?
Yep

Ever won a spelling bee?
OMG NO, I am the worlds worst speller

Ever cried because you were so happy?
Ya :)

Own any record albums?
No, but my dad has about a thousand

Own a record player?
Dad does

Regularly burn incense?
No, I wish

Ever been in love?
Yes

Hot tea or cold tea:
Both

Tea or coffee?
Coffee every morning! But teas good too

Favorite kind of cookie?
Chocolate/ pecan chunk

Can you swim well?
I think so

Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose?
Yes, i am so good at that

Are you patient?
most of the time

Ever won a contest?
Best smile 5th grade

Which are better black or green olives?
black, green are nasty

Can you knit or crochet?
knit

Wash room or bathroom?
bathroom

Do you want to get married?
someday

Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
yes

Do you have kids?
i'm 16 no thank god

Do you want kids?
someeday, maybe

Do you miss anyone right now?
A friend

Who do you want to see right now?
Jon

2010-09-21T14:19:00.001-07:00

how come your the only one that can still make me cry? What is it that makes me cry when I have to be with you? please know that for some strange reason, I can't control my tears around you. it shouln't be like this. I can't stand the way you tell me all the things I do wrong and tell me about all the things I should be doing instead of support what I already do and love. you say you're trying to help me, but it isn't helping. Pointing out all things I know are wrong with me just stresses me out. the way you rant at me about all the things that make me a horrible daughter and a 'mean person' makes me feel like crap. I wish i could talk to you about everything without it turning into a fight, because honestley I need to talk to you. Why does everything have to be so hard between us? why do u have to yell? It really upsets me, so much. why do you have to tell me "not to look at you like that" when what i am trying to do is hold back tears. Why can't I tell you how i'm feling without being called a drama queen? that term makes me feel like my feelings don't matter. I know your doing your best and you say you do love me, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it. i know there are lot of things you do for me, but there are somethings you don't do. Like look at things from my point of veiw, or try to understand how i am feeling. I wish i i actually did want to talk to you about my day, but I don't for fear that it will turn into another fight. I just wish things were okay between us, but there not, sorry.

2010-09-16T18:07:00.000-07:00

It's raining out; I love it. So my windows are open because I love the way the rain sounds/ smells, but now I'm cold. I've been having an issue with being cold lately, especially my hands. They are always freezing. Now I'm extra cold because the windows are open and the rain is basically splashing me threw the screen. And the song 'When it rains' by Paramore just came on my ipod. Oh the irony.
I don't know why I felt the need to share that with you all, but I did. So anyways...
I've been in school for about two weeks and a half weeks, I think. I don't really know because we started on a Wednesday, then had the next Friday through Monday off for labor day. So I think this is my first full week of school, but again, I have no idea what I'm talking about. I sweat it's felt like we've been in school for at least a month. There is so much work!!! These are the courses I am taking if your interested: AP English III, Algebra II, Chemistry I honors, Choir, Ballroom dance, Aerobics/yoga, US history honors, French IV honors, and I have one study hall 8th period Fridays!
The work for AP English and chem are ridiculous, there is too much. And it's all self assigned work so we're not being graded on it, but you have to do it to pass the class. That annoys me. Because I tend to put everything off until the last minute, but in chem there is no "last minute" because you don't pass in any work (well, except lab reports/ projects and tests) and if you get to the point that you doing things at the last minute, that basically means you failed.
And ugh ballroom dance. I don't dance. I am absolutely horrible at dancing. And yet, I am taking ballroom dance? I wish I was in Jon's class, so we could suck at dancing at dancing together, but of course I'm not:P HAHAHA he's the only guy in his class <3
Then there's US history. We are going paperless! wow. I am totally for recycling, really I am. I brought home all my recyclable things last year when we didn't have recycling bins at school. But doing everything on our moronic netbooks is just, well, moronic. Oh yeah, the school wasted a butt load of cash on these super mini laptops they expect us to carry around everywhere and us instead of agendas. They have blocked everything on them and it is very annoying. And the freeze and shut down all the time;nobody likes them or wants them.
So those are my classes and the ones I didn't mention, are just boring and uninteresting. I absolutely love my 8th period on Friday because it is a free period because I can leave school early!!! And it's practically the only time I see Jon at school, so that's nice.
What else is new? Oh, the musical 'Bye Bye Birdie' has begun taking shape, kind of. There is a whole bunch of dancing and also a lot of 4 part music! My father is rather ecstatic about that (he is the musical director). The story of 'Bye Bye Birdie' is rather pointless and "wholesome" as my father describes it. Well, except for that one line: "Lets have an orgy!" I have a total of one line! WOW, your mind is blown, right? No, I really don't care, I just really enjoy preforming and being part of the whole experience. And I do sing some solos, so that sort of makes up for the lack of lines. My name is Penelope Ann Hankle. Such an unfortunate name in my opinion.
SO, there's the update on my rather boring life.

Later,
MX

2010-08-20T20:37:00.000-07:00

Sooo, I want this dog...or this type of dog. I met one that lives on my street today ans she is so cute and well behaved and so sweet. It is a German Shepard and Siberian husky mix! OMG I want one and would probably name her Latika or Mimi. If it was a boy, I'd name him Carlisle.

Random thoughts by MX

Story I wrot about Montreal...

2010-08-18T23:24:00.000-07:00

The Closest Thing To Europe

Somehow I feel like I will never forget that day. The warm May sun beat down on us as the cool breeze tugged gently at our hair.
“I can’t believe we’re finally here” I whispered in your ear as you softly kissed my head. Everything felt so right being here, together.
As we strolled down the narrow, winding streets of Old City, Montréal, I looked around trying to take everything in. It is all so beautiful and perfect, it is almost overwhelming. All around us are old, magnificent buildings designed in an authentic European style; all made of ancient stone and brick with wooden doors. My father always told me that traveling to the Old City was the closest thing to traveling to Europe without crossing the ocean. Never had he been so right.
Little cafés line the streets and people gather in the squares to watch street performers and mimes. The aroma of various different foods that had drifted out of restaurants open windows mixed with the fragrance of pipe smoke filled the air. And the sound of city life followed us everywhere; the roar of mopeds, the hum of conversations in thick Canadian French, the click-clop of horse hooves against the coble stone, plus the joyful noise of the music festival that was going on that day. All these things combined with the charming sound of your laughter, is the most stunning noise I have ever heard.
As we enter Place Jacques- Cartier, the fresh scent of flowers is overpowering. The square is filled with an astounding array of brightly colored flowers and various, unique street venders selling all kinds of merchandise. The hysterical laughter of a group of high school students fills the square as they watch, in outstanding amusement, a street mime tease their friends. It’s hot, and we’re both sweating, but we hold hands anyway. My fingers interlocked in yours feels so incredibly right, I don’t want to let go. I looked up at the sky, which is a dark blue eliminated with what little sunlight was left. The air was clear as crystals when they shine in the light. Taking a deep breath, I swear I could taste the bitter sweetness of Montréal’s city air.
After a marvelous day with you, I stop to take a final glance of admiration for the scenic, deep-rooted buildings, the rigid streets, the dazzling flora, and for the city in which I had fallen in love in. As we walked hand in hand through this picturesque world we had fallen in love with and in, I realized somehow I would never forget this day.

Summer Update

2010-08-18T22:51:00.000-07:00

So I can not sleep at all. I am not tired at all. I think it's that damn redvine I ate at like 8 at night. They taste like crap, so don't buy them. I had to (if you've seen A Very Potter Musical, you'd understand)
Jon can't sleep either so we're playing truth or dare over text skype chat. I kind of suck at that game. We're basically just doing truths because it's quit hard to do dares when your not together. So, I'm running out of truths. But oh well, I just want to talk to him. I've seen him like twice this summer because he works at an all boys camp as a counselor and then when he got done work he was sick for a week. So, that's pretty much sucked, but it's all good becuase I'll hopefully see him tomorow (well, today...later).
This summer has been one of the most laid back summers I have ever had, which is good I guess. Actually, no that's a really good thing because I have had so much AP summer work to do. I have one more essay due Monday, and then I'm done! For the summer, which is kid of sad becaue school starts like a week later. And I have yet to start this essay, by the way.
I did go to Canada with my dad. We drove the hour from my camp to Canada, just to see Godspell at a local high school. I love my dad. It was an awesome production and Godspells my favorite musical next to Rent, so the drive was so worth it.
I also spent I weekend in North Conway for my friends sweet sixteen! And it was very sweet...we had a limo and we stayed in this awesome hotel room themed as a movie theater and of course we went shopping! It was cool and all, but it was increadibly awkward because the girl who's birthday it was, I'm really not good friends with, like at all. And I wasn't friends with anyone else that went either. But I guess I made the best of it.
I've had a lot of quality time at my grandparents camp in the middle of nowhere, I've spent a lot of time wwith my dad, some time with my friends (they are all working, it's not fair!), a few days working at a cleaning job, and the rest of the summer doing nothing! :)

SO I'm still not tired, so I'm probaly going to post about the tour i went to with the choir becasue I haven't done that yet...

MX

i carry your heart with me

2010-06-09T18:17:00.000-07:00

i carry your heart with me ( i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear, and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want no world (for you beautiful are my world,my true)and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing to you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root the bud of the bud the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher then the soul can hope or the mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

-E.E. Cummings Jon sent me the link to this poem and told me that it was one of his favoritenpoems

and that it was my poem now.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PqSZzmUMHM&playnext_from=TL&videos=bIFg1nLEN_U)

New favorite poem and guy? I think so

Jon

2010-05-22T20:58:00.000-07:00

So, there was this guy....

I love when stories start like that but usually they are stories being told to me, but finally I'm the one telling the story.

His name is Jon.

What happened was he invited my friend (R) to prom, not as a date really but just as friends. He then actually brought his sister as a "date" so that she could go to prom (she is a freshman). So then (R), who was "going to prom" with Jon, brought me as a "date" so that I could also go to prom. We (me, jon, his sister, R and 3 other girls from my school) all ended up going out to dinner and then to prom together. There was really no dates, it was just a group of friends. And it was a blast. Haha side note, but since we were early for prom, we went to whole foods and rode around in shopping carts and posed to take pics with random people and food. Oh, good times!!!!

Anyway, me and Jon ended up dancing together. Alot. We had such a great time, it was amazing. Now I had been friends with him before prom night, but we really connected that night.

After that, we started hanging out alot more. Like, all the time. So, R told me a few days after prom that Jon told her that he really liked me. It felt a litle middle school, but what ever. So, I was kinda hoping he would say something to me because I actually really liked him. Of course, him being his shy, awkward self, he didn't. But it was all good, because a few days later, I decided to say somrthing to him at CS rehersal. I basically just told him how much I liked him and he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend.

So, we've been going out for about a month, and I couldn't be happier about it. We are so much alike, it's amazing. What i find even more amazing, is that ever time I talk to him, I learn something new about him and every time I talk to him, I like him more and more.

He's such a sweet heart. He is that guy that everyone laughs at for his awkwardness, but yet everyone loves. God, i don't even know how to describe him. Jon is so funny and he is such a hopeless romantic.

So , yep thats my love story...

2010-05-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

So, I really want to start blogging again. I hope people are still reading...(Besides my dad :P)

Schools been busy, so much work! Then there's drama. I went right from Alice into Zap. Actually not right into it because I didn't get a role when I firts auditioned, but then someone dropped out and I got her role as Olga Barchokcovitch, the Russian aunt. Sunday was the last show of Zap, which I'm really excited very glad about because it's been a rather stressful production with everone dropping out. But it was also sad because it was the seniors final production in high school. The cast and crew went out to Friendly's after the set strike, which was a blast because we're all insane and don't really care what people think of us. I had to wear this giant butt for the play and I fit it into my jeans. Guess who went to Friendly's with a ghetto booty? That was hilarious, people gave me strange looks! Then my friend took my yankees hat i was wearing, so I chased after him. As I did that, my friend, Em who was driving me home, got in her car with my other friend and left. In the process of driving away, Em ran over my hat, which my friend had thrown at a seagull. Oh fun times! And then there were all th "that's what she said" jokes, but i don't even want to get into that...

This weekend is prom. I'm going although I'm a sophmore. My friends gunna get me in. I so excited! I have an awesome dress (which i'll post a pic of ASAP). I should be so much fun. I have plans to go out to eat with my friends before the dance and I have never really been to a good dance. SO HAPPY =)

My grades are good, we just got report cards and I had all A's and a friggin B for biology. Eh, oh well. I still like the class, I just totally suck at the tests. The other day, we watched the movie Gattaca in class. It was awesome! It is about a futureist world where you can choose every aspect of what your child will be like before it is born. If you haven't seen it, google it.

I also made National Honors Society and French Honors Society!

What else...Well, the Chamber Singers (my dad's choir) are getting reafy to go on tour. We are going to Montreal! I am so excited because I've never been there and I want to see the underground mall and sing at Notre-Dame.

Wow, at this time last year, I was struggling with my mother about whether or not I should switch schools. I can not believe how far I have come this year. Everything is going so right. My school is better then anything I ever iimagined it to be last year. Not to say that my life is perfect. It's far from that. I've had my struggles with friends, family, depression and grades (and not to mention the fact I still miss Mp and my friends from my old school. I wish I had kept in touch with them. I am going to their musical on Thursday, so it will be good to see them all.) But things are just generally better. And I am so grateful for where I am today and everyone who helped make that possible...

MX

2010-03-07T15:46:00.000-08:00

I just realized that I haven't posted once this year. I've just been to busy. I'm telling you, theater neats up your time. It's worth it though. I just finneshed a production of ALiCE, A One Act. it came in seconnd in our regional dramma festival :) My next show I am doing is called ZAP! It's suppose to be a very funny play and there is a Russian role in it that I really hope I get!

Other then drama, I have had massive amounts of homework to do because I missed some school when I went to Florida. That was a lot of fun, I go to see my cousins whio just moved back from South Korea and my uncel who got back from Iraq 9 months ago. That was the first time me and my sis flew alone. kinda scary....

Schools going. Good grades, I love my friends, and i have awesome classes. I am taking guitar <3, but I'm not very good :/ Oh well.

oh ya, and I turned 16 on monday :D It's really not that exciting though. I didn't have a party or anything because 0f one acts, which was fine. But I did get a braclet from Russia that my parents got when they adopted me and my sis. I thought that was so special!

What else.....no boys, no drivers ed. Hmmm there's Maya4Life who has declared shew never wants to speak top me again because of a stupid prank. w/e I have great friends that I've made this year.

I've been reading breaking Dawn and I am in love with it! One of my friends reminds me so much of edward and when he takes off his shirt, ahhh! :)

alright, that all for now. Hopefully i'll have the time to write again soon!

MX

MA VIE (My Life)

2009-10-04T17:21:00.000-07:00

I'm BACK! I actually haven't been anywhere, but just haven't bothered writing a post for awhile for a few reasons One: I am extremely busy with drama/ chamber singers and of course school. Two: I'm LAZY, and three: Facebook always distracts me every SINGLE TIME I go online.

Well, lots of stuff has been going on since my last post. First of all, I started school. I am absolutely loving high school, and I mean everything about it! I have made so many great friends who I have really connected with. My classes are challenging, but in a good way. We have already covered a lot of material in such a short amount of time and the classes are actually (for the most part) interesting and okay to sit through. (Which is a plus, since our classes are 80 minutes.) AND I have ALL A's!! Even in geometry! My geo. teacher is out there, he is a great teacher and very nice, but he is different. My dad described him to me as Kramer for Seinfeld.

I also have my dad as a teacher every day and I have to say I am enjoying that a lot. I have learned so much in his music theory class and I am really excited that we are working on sight reading in chours.

Drama is also going amazingly well and I can not believe how fast our show(Oliver) is coming together. I am also super pumped to be playing a orphan, a boy, a woman, and a police. My many personalities should be very interesting to play and watch. Chamber singers has been so much fun and it is a great time to hangout with my friends because we all have such different schedules. The songs we are preparing for our big Christmas concert are just beautiful and I think for some of the songs, there will be some tears...

YE, that's my life right now. Everything is going great. I really haven't been this happy for a long time and I'm loving it!

I really haven't been missing my old school, except for my theology class, but I'm guessing you all could have guessed that. BUT I joined the youth group at my dad and his fiance's congregation, and I am looking forward to having some kind of theological activity I can participate in outside of just mass.

That's all for now,

MX :)

Back From A Week Of Rehearsals

2009-08-31T10:14:00.000-07:00

I start school in two days!!!! I am so excited. Well, I'm excited about going back, but not about writing that last essay due on the day school starts!

So, all this week I have been at my high school doing chamber singers and drama rehearsals! It has been a blast! For anyone that doesn't know, chamber singers is our schools big choir that tours and is rather well known in New England, Canada, and Europe. And I finally get to be a part of it. I say finally because my dad is the director of the group and I have watched them preform for so many years, but now I get to preform with them. And btw, we are doing Oliver for our fall musical! What a step up from the Time Machine and Starmites! (They were fun though, but wicked lame I have to say.)

Today we (chamber singers) had our first concert for all the faculty in the school district. We did four songs (all I actually really liked) and we did stomp/ haul out a can. That was the funniest one to do. Again, if you don't know (I know some of you don't because you don't even know me) stomp/ haul out a can is this song my dad kind of made up with trash cans, barrels, etc as a percussion section and the choir does this dance involving posing, stomping, and clapping. It's pretty sweet. This year we actually added a 'We Will Rock You' section in the middle because my sis heard it on a CD and suggested it to my dad.

Anyway, the concert went great, I think, for only having one week of rehearsals. And it was so much fun! I felt so comfortable on stage and I really felt (for once) that I belonged where I was. We also went out to breakfast afterwards and we had some much fun just talking to each other about what we are looking forward to doing in the group.

I already knew some of the kids in CS and drama, so that was good, but I have also made a lot of new friends. And I have friends that are from all grades. At my old school that really wasn't socially accepted (as stupid as it sounds). But here it is what everyone does, which is great because we all know upper class men are the cool people. Hahaha, I just say that cuz I'm not a freshmen anymore, so I can say that. Actually. anyone who does drama, they are the cool people in my eyes.

What else? Oh yeah, I also went to a beginning of school sleepover last night with a bunch of girls from CS. We had so much fun! We watched movies and played Disney Scene It (we're all Disney freaks, btw) and we probably stayed up later then we should have since we had a concert today. But with some coffee, we were all set to go! We laughed so hard last night and everything we talked about they said: "Don't tell Dr. D!" (That's what they call my dad.) Haha, I have been Daughter D by one of the seniors. They all thought that I would be like a double agent for my dad about things people from the choir say (not that they're saying anything really bad), but I assured them he will hear nothing from me unless someone threatens me, someone else, or themselves (aka, suicidal). And I didn't feel awkward around them at all. Usually if I stay over someones house that I don't know very well, it feels super awkward for me. But hanging out with everyone is kind of like (for me anyway) when you see those cousins that you haven't seen in months. It's awkward for a whole 10 minutes, but then your laughing and talking like you are best friends.

There's one more huge event that has happened since the last time I wrote. My dad and his girlfriend got engaged, and we moved into her house! (Actually it wasn't in that order, but w/e.) I am so happy for the both of them and I am really excited that, I guess my knew part time home, is so close to my new school. My dad's fiance is really nice and her kids are to (but they are in college and left home a few days ago) And I am really glad that we get to live with them and be apart of their family.

WELL, I need to stop looking at a computer screen because I think my eye is infected (I need new contacts).

Peace 0ut,

MimiX

2009-07-29T07:26:00.001-07:00

Yeah I know, it's been awhile. Don't even get me started...

I've been at both my camps in the last I don't know, 3 weeks? It's been fun, I've been seeing a lot, which is good. I'm being social. I've even hung out with my friends from Windham and from other schools! My counselor would be so proud! (Haha, btw I haven't been to see her in over a month and I'm out of meds. Oops.)

Mmm, what else has happened? Oh, our whole computer had to be like cleaned out, so we basically have a new computer. I am not happy. I lost EVERYTHING: my pics, my music, everything! SO, right now I am in the middle of putting music back on iTunes. This should take awhile...

I am also reading Jane Eyre right now for summer reading. I just finished The Book Thief, and it was AMAZING!!! I have read so many books about WW2, but this is one of the best. As for Jane: people have said it is a really hard book to get through, but I beg to differ. I think it is very easy to read and it is different from the things I usually read.

After I finish reading it, I have so many essays I have to write on it for honors II English. Oh, well, I think it will be worth it because my dad tells me I have a really great teacher.

On that note of next year, I am so excited to start school although I have so much to do to get ready. As the new school year draws nearer, everything feels so real. Before I just couldn't believe all the things that were offered to me like honors classes, a role in the musical, and a spot in my dad's choir, it didn't feel like those things were mine yet. But the more I think about it, I can just imagine what all these things will be like and it makes me so excited and enthusiastic about school. Wow, that's a change from last year!

MX

Back From Limited Internet Access

2009-07-16T09:24:00.000-07:00

Finally back on blogger! I've been up at my camp int little old Weston Maine, which no one has heard of. It rained the whole time we were there. But it was still fun to be with my grandparents, dad, dad's girlfriend, my totally crazy but fun aunt, and even being with McAri was fun. When we came home we went to my mom's camp to see our cousins from PA, and my godmother who is also insane but awesome.

So I have had my fill of camp for the summer, all though I think we are going back again sometime soon.

And last night I went to see Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. The book is so much better, but what's new? They left out a lot of the good parts from the book which really made me mad. Oh well, Harry and Ginny are adorable together and so is Ron and Hermione. (Sp?) I hopefully can go see It again in Imax 3D which would be awesome!!!! Oh and Helena Bonham Carter/ Alan Rickman are both in this movie and Sweeney Todd, two of my all time fav movies!

I went to the movies with some new friends from my new school and I had a blast! Now I can't wait to hang out with them again and start school!

That's all for now!

PS:I <3>

My new haircut

2009-06-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog I was never going to post any pics of myself, but I just got a new haircut and I love it! You have to understand that I have always had long hair and this is the shortest I've had it. I cut it a couple years ago short, but not this short. SO, today I donated 11.5 inches of hair to lock of love. Here it is:

MimiX

My Summer Has Begun

2009-06-22T16:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in awhile, I know. I have been out of school for 2 weeks and I am proud to say I haven't done much. I went to the movies and a baseball game. I babysat too. The rest of the time I was either at home watching TV/ sleeping, or I was at my mom/ dad's work helping out.

Yesterday, we had a great father's day. We had a cookout at my dad's girlfriend's house. Both her daughter and son were there; they are both very nice and fun to hang with, especially her son who is 21. That's how old my brother who lives in Russia would be. I have always wanted an older brother, that's why I guess I like him so much.

Anyway, we got my dad a really nice GPS fr a gift because he had another one, but it was stolen. I was that me and my sis bought it with our own money we got from babysitting.

Today we moved back in with my mom who has been in Illinois doing some research trip on Abraham Lincoln. She bought a new TV and an ipod today. I am so glad she has finally decided to join the 21st century. Big step.

Ohhhh, and today I told my Grandmother I am going to transfer schools. She took it a lot better then I thought she would. See, my Grandfather and my uncles went to my old school and I was the first girl in the family to go there. It use to be an all boys school, btw.

Finally, I went counseling this week. I really don't like counseling (which is technically called psychotherapy). We talked about how I need to stop thinking negative thoughts about my self and start thinking positive ones, w/e. My counselor is just really annoying sometimes and the sessions just keep getting more emotional. We also talked about how much I already miss my friends and teachers from my old school. And that reminds me, MP if ever read my blog, can you please leave me a comment or something, because I really want to know who is looking at what I write. And I miss you!

What I am I going to do without a theology class next year? lol.

MX

I Have Survived 9th Grade! WOW!

2009-06-11T06:11:00.000-07:00

I can not believe a year has gone by so fast. I can not believe I am done being a freshmen. I can't believe I have finished finals with straight A's (I think). And I can not believe I am transferring schools

Yesterday I shadowed (or followed some one around all day) at my new high school. G was very nice and I had an absolutely wonderful day with her. It was her last day of school, so we mostly hung out in the class rooms, but I got an idea of what the teachers, schedules, students, etc.. would be like. It was very fun and I saw a lot of my old friends and was also introduced to new ones. I also had choir practice after school. I made my dad's choir that is very well known and respected. All the friends I made yesterday (and G) made this choir. I have watched this choir singing since I was very young and I have always dreamed of being in it, now I am! They learn so much in the choir but they also have a great time doing. This choir has such a wonderful family atmosphere, and I feel so welcome there. No one seems to mind that my dad is the director, which is such a relief.

Over all, I had an awesome day at my new school and it wasn't even awkward having my dad as a teacher! It was actually very interesting because he is very good at what he does, which is teach students to be wonderful performers.

You have no idea how grateful and thankful that my parents, the school, the students, etc.. are giving me the chance to try this different high school. I am also so glad that there are all so accepting of me and they make me feel like I belong.

Now I actually can't wait to go back to school, which is something I never looked forward to at my other school.

Tuesday and today, I have been helping where my mom works, which is at an elementary school teaching fifth grade. I have loved meeting her class and getting to work with them. I have been able to help with math and I also got to lead a reading lesson. This is such great practice for me because I want to be a teacher some day.

There are also some students that I have seemed to connect with in such a short amount of time. MayaH in particular has been very accepting of me. My mom has told me that she does not always listen, and that she gets in trouble. Then she also told me that her mother abandoned her and she now lives with her aunt. No wonder this girl is wanting to be rebellious. But she has been so sweet to me, and I have really enjoyed helping her,

I wish I could spend more time with these kids and get to know them better, but tomorrow is my moms last day of work so I won't get to see them. :( But I am coming back tomorrow for their little party and I hope to spend more time in my mom's classroom next year.

Well, time to have a reading circle with the while my mom is in a meeting.

MX

YearBook Entries

2009-06-05T11:56:00.000-07:00

I AM GOING TO MISS EVERYONE FROM SCHOOL!!!!!!! I have so many friends that mean so much more to me then I thought, so saying goodbye is going to be sad. :( I will not lose contact with these wonderful people. Well, how can you with Facebook around? (That is, if your not grounded.)

I had my french final. Tres bien, I think. My teacher said she was disappointed that I was transferring schools. Who isn't? My friends at my new school aren't, anyway. Oh and Maya4life, but I haven't talked to her forever!!!! :( That's very depressing.

I also took my English and theology finals. I felt they both went pretty well. I only have science and history on Monday, and I'm free! Wait, no I'm not...I have to get a job. Oh well, work never hurt anyone. Neither did money!

Today I said goodbye to some of my friends that I wont see on Monday like Tiki (who is also transferring schools), Bee (my therapy and drama bff), and Mp because I don't think I'll see him either on Monday. But I gave him the URL to this blog! Hope he reads it, if he doesn't oh well. At least my dad does, love you Papa! My mom would to, but I don't feel like giving her the URL yet.

Anywho, here are somethings people wrote in my yearbook:

MimiX,

Don't put any more holes in your ears...haha.jk!
Have a good summer!

<3A

(She is, was, in my theology class)

MimiX,
My bff, we have endured sooo much together, crazy drama stuff, therapy (haha.)
I love you sooo much

XO Bee

(Aww, I'm gunna miss my drama/ therapy sister!)

MimiX,

you're a really cool person and I'll miss you next year when you leave :( French class definitely won't be the same without you...

-E

(My ex-crush!!! We are still friends, btw. He just doesn't want to date, w/e. Whoever his ex is, just broke his heart. How rude.)

Nadezhda,

It has been an absolute joy sitting next to you everyday! I love how ADD we are in science & sitting next to you in English was fun & being like one of four concert choir members who sang in mass! Drama was...well WOW. Haha. We will be friends for the rest of high school! I really hope you are in my science class next year! OMG, Pinopolo and the pie equation (pie + apple= apple pie)
Oh, and Mr. B totally ruined sunsets, chocolate cookies, and the blue sky *major sigh*
I am going to miss you tons this summer!

<3Paprika<3

( I don't think I've written about her...she was in a choir with me since 7Th grade and we ended up gong to the same school and now we are like BBFs)

This is my fav:

MimiX,
I am very sorry to know that you will not be returning next year. Remember that you can always com back if things don't work out next year. Don't forget you will always be a stag!
I had a pleasure getting to know you in class this year. See you next year at some b-ball games!

AMDG/ MAGIS

Love,
MP

*Sigh*

I LOVE MY MIDDLE/ RUSSIAN NAME: NADEZHDA

2009-06-05T11:35:00.000-07:00

Final #1 Down

2009-06-03T10:17:00.000-07:00

I took my math final today. I do think I failed, which is good. I actually think I did really well. The only think I wasn't sure how to do was some equations with fractions. Oh well, as long as I get a B I'll be happy. One down, five more to go...

I also auditioned for my dads choir!! I think it was a very good audition, and it wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be, all though I still was nervous. I did the sight reading perfectly, but I messed up on the rote singing. (That is when someone sings something, and you sing it back.) Now I have to audition for the musical in like a week. I am also shadowing at my new school next week, I am so excited!

Oh yeah, and I'm grounded from Facebook and my cell because I pierced my ears. And I had to take the earrings out, but I am not going to let the holes close because eventually I will be able to wear two ears.

Okay, I need to study for french, Je parle français très bien ! (I speak french very well!)

Au revoir,

MX

We Only Say Godbye to Meet Again

2009-06-01T11:40:00.000-07:00

This is what Mp said to me when I told him I would not be returning to this school next year. I told him about the meeting with my parents and my counselor. He asked me if I thought being here was making me more depressed. I told him that I have been depressed for 3 years, and this school just wasn't right for me. I explained that I have really enjoyed being in his class this yea and was going to miss him terribly. He told me that I could always come back. I know I can, and if my dads school doesn't work out either, I will be back. He told me that he would be here all this week during finals so if I wanted to come back and just study and hang out in his room, that would be okay. He said that just because I was leaving, doesn't mean we can't be friends. He told me to email him anytime I want. AN I will. I didn't give him the url to my blog, but maybe sometime I will email him the link. He said that I was breaking his heart that I was leaving, but "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be.”

HE thanked me for all that I had done this year and gave me a huge.

And I said no, thank you for all you have done for me this year. I appreciate it so much.

I'm gunna miss him. I know I can still talk to him, but I don't get to be in his class, or see him ever day.

But like he said, I will meet him again some day, and until then I there is email.

:(

MX

Earrings and Stress

2009-06-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

I haven't written lately partly because I don't want to, partly because I have been studying for finals, and partly because I have been feeling very depressed and confused lately. I pierced my ears. Twice. My parents are ticked, my sister is upset, and Mp dose NOT approve. What can I say? I wanted them done, so I did them. But no more, I swear. Ever. I don't need anymore holes in my body. I have just been so confused about this, because my parents were confused about why i decided to do something I knew i shouldn't be doing. They think it was an act of self harm. It wasn't. It started out that way, but just ended with me wanting my ears pierced.

And I have felt very stressed lately. Finials start this week. I have an audition for my dad's choir at my new school next year. And I have been having second thoughts about transferring schools. I mean, I still WANT to,but it is just going to be harder then I thought. I am going to miss my friends, theology and Mp sooo much! And know one knows I am leaving yet and I don't know how to tell them.

I need to tell Mp, like, tomorrow. We have our last class. But he is upset with me now because he told me not to get anymore piercings, and I did. I'm gunna miss him and his over-protectiveness.

I don't know what else to say, there's to much stress with the end of the year. And having my parents all mad and not trusting me, makes it worse. I guess it's mine own fault, but still. Having to deal with this is making me feel more depressed and anxious.

Write again after finals...

MX

RENT: THE FINAL ACT

2009-05-30T08:26:00.001-07:00

I am so excited!!! My dad and his girlfriend are planning a trip for the three of us to go to Boston and see RENT!!!! It's a dream come true! Rent is now off Broadway and doing a national tour, for the last time. :( But the cast doing the tour has 2 of the original cast members: Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp! Roger and Mark! AND we might be able to go back stage because Capathia Jenkins (that sang at my dad's concert), has friends in the cast that could let us back stage!!! OMG!!!!!

If you haven't see RENT either the movie or the rock opera, you have not live and you need to see it! NOW! Sorry I am an obsessed Rent-head...

"No day but today"

-MX

New Pic

2009-05-27T18:10:00.000-07:00

The new pic I just added is of an African tribal symbol for hope and below it, it says надежда. This is my Russian name (Nadezhda) written in Russian. It is also the Russian word for HOPE.

Memorial Day Weekend

2009-05-26T09:15:00.000-07:00

I had a very nice Memorial day weekend. I spent Saturday and Sunday up in Friendship, ME where my aunt has a very large plot of land right on the beach. We didn't do much besides fish and go for walks, but it was relaxing. I also saw a video of my aunt's horses, Miss Scarlet and Mama Horse. They're living in Virgina right now at my aunt's ranch but they are coming to Maine hopefully next summer. I can't wait because I use to ride a lot and I might even take horse back riding lessons this summer. My aunt has no one else in the family to go riding with besides me, and she has already said I could come over to ride any time! And these horses are amazing. They are Tennessee walking horses, but they have a beautiful canter and they do this cool thing called a running walk so you don't have to post on them. One of them is even a registered show horse!

I also got to spend time with my mom since my sister didn't come with us and we drove up and back by ourselves. We talked a little bit, but mostly it was quiet, it was nice though. We also stopped on the way home in Freeport to go shopping. I got some nice new shirts, which is kind of funny because when we got home I went to my dad's girlfriends house and her daughter gave us all these old cloths of hers. And they were nice. She barley even wore any of them, she just needed to clean out her closet because she had to much stuff.

Then yesterday, I spent the day at my other aunt's house with my cousins, my 2 uncles, McAri, my dad, his girlfriend, and my grandmother who just got back from Florida.

And today it was back to school, sigh. But now every time I feel alone, depressed or bored at school, I just think: "Hey, I only have two more weeks of going here!"

Even with that thought I am feeling very overwhelmed, still. Not only with finals closing in on me, but with random emotion I can't describe beyond "overwhelming". Maybe I'm bipolar. i mean, one minute I feel like everything is alright and the next minute I feel like the world is closing in on me, for no reason at all! I also haven't seen my counselor since the meeting with my parents, which is making me feel anxious but I don't know why.

Yesterday I took a quiz that told me I am emotionally unstable and unable to trust people. That made me feel just great. Whatever, I also took a quiz that the fruit I am most like is a banana. What the hell is that suppose to mean, that I'm yellow? I don't even like bananas...

Peace out,

MX

P.S.

I'll be posting my theology project I wrote about the other day, if anyone is intereted.

To much to Comprehend

2009-05-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

I need to vent, about everything. I am not complaining, I just have a lot to think about and I need to write it down. I would usually write in my journal, but I prefer typing while listening to itunes.
Oh, where to begin? The counseling meeting with my parents. I told them that I wanted to transfer schools, although I have a better appreciation for the private school I am at. My mom talked about how she just wanted the best for me and how she really thought that private school was the place for me.
I appreciate and am thankful that she wants the best for me, but I need more out of a school. Specifically music. At this point in my life I believe that I am going to get into a job that involves music. My school has the worst music program I have ever seen. That's not okay with me.And my school is a sport orientated school, and I don't do sports so that makes me kind of an outcast. I feel alone at my school, I have not connected with anyone here. The community, to me, seems very disconnected and weak. Over all: I don't feel like I belong there.
My counselor made a very good point that it is very important that I find a place where I feel where I belong, everyone does. Not knowing where I came from (being adopted) plus not knowing where I belong, is hard. It's painful and it is contributing to my depression. I can't stand being at a school that I feel sad and lost at all day.SO, my parents and me decided that the best thing to do is to try and have me go to the school where my dad teaches.It has an amazing music program, I like the community there, and I know (some way or another), I can fit in there. This is what I wanted, so why do I feel so down?
I have doubts and fears about this transition. I don't know if this new school has all the answers, and I don't expect it will. I just want to be able to feel like I belong somewhere good and that I can become the person I am meant to be tat that place. I might not have many friends, I might be bullied or shunned because my dad is a teacher, I may hate it there. I don't know. But I feel like whatever happens this is where I'm supposed to go. I don't know if I will make it in the music program (there are so many people there that are way more talented) I just want the chance to try. And I want to be able to go into school, and not feel depressed about it.
This is going to be hard on my mother too. She has tried so hard to make this private school work, but it just wasn't for me. She wanted this so badly for me. I hate to see her upset because I am transferring schools. There is also a lot of transportation and other things that she is worried about. And I understand where that is coming from, but I believe that if this is meant to happen, everything will work out.
I am feeling so anxious and confessed right now. There is too much I am trying to deal with at once. I am feeling some what sad about leaving my private school. I am going to miss my theology class and Mp. I'm already missing my friend John who is a senior and who is done with school already. I feel so anxious/ frustrated with working all the little things out for going to my dad’s school. There is going to have to be a new schedule for when I am with my mom or dad. I feel bad because my mom is afraid that "she is going to lose me" because I am going to be up at school with my dad.
There is also a lot of pressure on me in the music department. My mom wants me to be in every possible thing for music, because this is why I wanted to transfer in the first place. I want to too, but she is just stressing me out about it right now. I have to worry about getting finished with this year before I can begin to think about all the auditions I will have to go through next year.There is so much else I am feeling that I just don't know how to put in words. Scared maybe, for the transition, upset because I haven't talked to Maya4life in forever and I miss her, too. I have to worry about so much. Worried if I am making the right chose to go back to public schools along with being stressed about my school work right now.
I guess over all I am feeling overwhelmed, and that is making me feel depressed.Writing this blog and praying have helped. Actual, I don't know if praying is helping because sometimes I swear I don't believe in God, and other times I feel very spiritual. I just know that talking, asking for help from God (or who ever is up there listening when I am praying, if there is anyone listening.), is a relief. I want to believe that there is an all powerful God that has a plan for us all, and that he is up there looking out for us. I have grown up believing that. But right now when every thing is so confusing, I sometimes doubt that there is. But then again, I do believe in God and that he is good. I suppose I just feel very distance from him and my spirituality. Lately, I have been in a state of mind that just is too overwhelmed to stop and think about God and everything.
I will have to work on rebuilding my spiritual self, and I thought that my private school I am at would have helped with this, but it is just to depressing and stressful here to make a difference.
So, before I officially (like signing all the papers and stuff) leave my school, I have to shadow at my dad’s school and see if I like it. I m doing that probably the day after I am finished finals (Monday) and the Friday afterwards, is when I have to make the final decision. I also have to talk to the principal of student affairs here about why I want to leave. I am not looking forward to that. At all. I am also not looking forward to saying goodbye to Mp.
I plan to talk to him the Friday before my last final, which is right after I finish taking his final. No one is supposed to know that I am leaving my school until the last day, not even my teachers or my sister. I hate that because I don't want to have al my friends come back next year and be like: Where's Mimi? And I don't want Mp to do that either. I have to tell him how big of a help he has been to me this year and that I am going to miss him.
I am even considering giving him the URL to this blog, but we'll see. It sounds so ridiculous, but he means a lot to me for some messed up reason. I don't love him or anything, he is just special. I don't know else to describe it.
So, there is a lot that I have to think about and decide, emotions I have to over come, and goodbyes that I will have to face.
One last thing, after all the venting I just wanted to say how grateful I am that BOTH my parents are being supportive of me through all this. They are doing everything they can to make this work and to make me happy. I am so grateful for that even though sometimes I don't show them that. But I am and I love my parents no matter what school I go to.

Okay I'm done :)
MX

Random

2009-05-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted in a wicked long time, I've been busy. But I will have a real post posted in a few hours, just wanted to share this.
I took a quiz about what RENT character I am most like amd these are the results (on a 1-10 score, ten being I am exactly like the person) Look back at my RENT: NO DAY BUT TODAY post to see who these characters are, if you don't know.

Over all I am: Collins - 8
Mimi - 7
Maureen - 6
Angel - 6
Roger - 6
Mark - 5
Joanne - 5

MX

I am finally going to write a post...WOW!!

2009-05-13T16:09:00.000-07:00

*I wrote this a couple days ago, but am just getting around to posting it.*

I didn't go to school today because I had a sore throat and a fever, so I thought I'd finally sit down and write a blog because I have nothing better to do. Okay, so yesterday I told my friend I was going to pretend to be sick and skip school today, and low and behold, I did skip school! But it was because I was actually sick and might have strep throat. Great! *Insert sigh here* Everybody has a sore throat, it's weird. My cousin stayed home today because her throat hurt. (My uncle thinks we are faking it because we were on our laptops all day, but what else we are suppose to do. Besides it's really hard to fake swollen glands.) My friend who was in the play with me has also been out of school for 3 days because of her throat. We think that our bodies were being nice to us for waiting till after the play was over to get sick, but now we are going to get sick for an even longer time. That's our theory anyway. We also have a theory that science was made to make smart people look like idiots, but that's a completely different story.

So, yeah. I love sick days. I get to sleep in till 1:00, which I did. You get to stay in you pajamas all day and watch movies. It is just the yeah "sick" part of it that sucks. and then you have to make up all that school work. But if I can stay home again tomorrow I can get all my missed work on Friday and make it all up over the weekend. I could call someone for my assignments, but I don't have any school books with me. Figures.

Anywhoo, enough about me being sick. So, Vacation and drama has come and gone since the last time I wrote. Vacation was a bore. We just hung out at home and with friends/ family. That was nice and all, but nothing exciting to write about. Then there was our musical. Boy was that an interesting production! First of all, here is the synopsis of Starmites (the show we did):

Eleanor, a shy teenager, collects science fiction comic books. To avoid growing pains, she imagines herself as a superheroine, such as in the comic books ("Superhero girl"). In her fantasy, she becomes involved in the conflict between the evil Shak Graa and the Starmites, guardian angels of Innerspace. The 'Mites believe that Eleanor is pre-ordained to save the universe from destruction ("Starmites"). Eleanor and the Starmites seek "The Cruelty," a powerful musical instrument, which they must find before it falls into the hands of Shak Graa ("Afraid of the Dark").
In Shreikwood forest, Eleanor sings a soothing earthly lullaby ("Little Hero"), but winged women (that's me, but we weren't winged) kidnap the sleeping 'Mites ("Attack of the Banshees") and soon meet Diva, the Queen of the Banshees ("Hard to Be a Diva"). She wants one of the Starmites to wed her daughter Bizarbara. She also guards The Cruelty. The leader of the 'Mites, Space Punk, and Eleanor are becoming attracted to each other ("Love Duet"), but Bizarbara also falls in love with Space Punk. He agrees to marry Diva's daughter to save his companions from torture ("Bizarbara's Wedding") but changes his mind, unable to betray his love for Eleanor ("Milady").
Diva uses magic to disguise Bizarbara as Eleanor ("Beauty Within"), and at the wedding ceremony between Punk and "Eleanor", Trinkulus, the Starmite lizard mascot, plays The Cruelty, which casts a hypnotic spell ("The Cruelty Stomp"). Shak Graa seizes the Cruelty and prepares to sacrifice Bizarbara (who he believes to be Eleanor), which will enable him to become Master of Earth. Diva then joins forces with the real Eleanor and the Starmites to rescue Bizarbara ("Reach Right Down"). Bizarbara is willing to sacrifice herself to save the Earth. Eleanor, the wounded Space Punk and the Starmites battle and destroy Shak Graa ("Immolation"). It turns out that Eleanor is Diva's real daughter, the legendary Milady. Bizarbara finds her birth mother on Earth, and harmony is restored. Shak Graa, however, has escaped to Earth, leaving one loose end ("It Wasn't a Dream").

I hate that ending, it is sooo dumb.

So not much going on at school either. We have three weeks left including finals. I can't believe a year went by so fast, it's kind of sad. But I can't wait to be done with school, stress, hw, and everything else. But there are new stresses that come with the summer: finding a job (possibly at grocery store), finding time to do the things I want to, like going horse back riding and going to Canada. (which I might not be able to do because you need a stupid pass port starting in July to get back in to the US. I don't have a passport, btw. Well I have my Russian one from when I was a baby, plus it has my sisters pic on it because they messed it up) And then there is next year...

We (mom, dad, me) with my therapist yesterday. It was just to be able to get our perspectives out about the school I'm at and where i want to be. My therapist thinks that being at the school I am at is contributing a lot to my depression because I fell like I don't belong there. We talked about a lot, heard each other and talked about what is going to happen next year.

WE have an idea about what's going to happen, but I am I can't really ummm...expose I guess that info yet. Sorry. I will let you all know what is going on a soon as I can.

For now, I am just going to try....really, really hard, to get through all the test projects, and finals that

await me.
Till next time (which will be sooner then last time, I promise)

MX

P.S.
If any of you have any good quotes and/or songs that are motivational, spiritual, inspirational, ect... leave me a comment. I'd love to hear what they are because I am doing a Theology project that includes songs/ quotes that you have to reflect upon. I haven't found anything that has really "spoken" to me, so any ideas would be great!

That Just Made My Day (Which is Very Boring, BTW)

2009-04-20T13:38:00.001-07:00

It is now the third day of vk and we have done nothing but clean. Cleaned the house, cleaned the basement, and cleaned my chinchilla's cages. Fun stuff, not. Oh well, I think my mom is going to pay us for our help, which is good.
We haven't done much this weekend because my mom is busy working on a term paper for a class she is taking online. I mean, she is really working hard on this thing. All. Day. Long. You should see this, our dinning room table is covered with notes and books. She has also put a ton of sticky notes on the wall in front of the table so she can look at them when she is writing. I find this funny! I don't understand why she is taking classes online to get a maters degree in New England history. She already has a teaching degree, but whatever. If that is what she wants to do, that's cool with me.
Anywho, Maya4Life just called me and told me that she just went to the doctors for her ADD. And guess who she saw? None other then Dr. B, my psychiatrist! Now this just cracked me up. She told me that she thought she knew him, and then she told me his name and I couldn't stop laughing! And this was all happening in the grocery store, people were giving me funny looks! (When don't they? Lol.)
Ahh, the things that amuse me...
I think I'll go read,

Peace out,
MX

Phone Post!!!!

2009-04-18T06:51:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to see if this worked because i am posting this from my phone! So cool! :)
(Hope this doesn't cost me anything...)

Me And My Technology

2009-04-17T06:41:00.000-07:00

I love computers, I love my ipod, and I absolutely LOVE my cell. But these things don't always love me back. (Duh, there electronics!) What I mean is, they don't like to work for me. Don't get me wrong, I rock at using them. I am the queen of downloading stuff and surfing the net, making slide shows, etc. But when this stuff actually matters and I actually need those skills, my electronics die on me.

It all started last year when I cracked the screen of my brand new cell. I dropped it on the ice, oops! Then I cracked my laptop screen by leaving it the locker room during track practice. I think someone stepped on it, so technically that wasn't my fault. But I stilled had to pay the $500 to fix it. (I still owe my dad that money, considering I don't have a job.)

Now, today I haven't broken anything, yet. So, I made this awesome slide show on Mars for class and I emailed it to my teacher to present. He couldn't download it. then I tried putting it on a thumb drive to download. Still nothing. Then I finally gt my mom to let me bring the laptop I got for Christmas into school to present my project. I was extra careful with that, because I think I would die if I broke yet another computer.

So, when my turn came to present everything was all loaded and ready to go. As soon as plugged in the projector, the frigging slide show program FAILED!!!!! I WAS NOT PLEASED. I mean my project was already a day late and I was the last one to present. And did I mention that E, my total jerk of a crush, was sitting in the front row, laughing the whole time?? I know he means well and it was kind funny, but I was totally PMS-ing and was Po'ed as hell. Not even my teacher could get the dumb computer to work. Thank God I was smart enough to print out the entire slide show last night. SO, I presented it that way, with paper slides. :( It would have been so much cooler on the computer, I had sound and animation and everything...

Story of my life: when something actually matters, it doesn't happen for me

Ughh, there's always next time...At least the laptop is still in one piece. It is safely locked in my teachers room, so it should stay that way...Hopefully

MX

Therapy+Drama+Books+School=My Life

2009-04-15T05:46:00.001-07:00

My life consists of the following things lately: therapy (once a week), drama (everyday after school), school (half my days right there), and books ( I can't get enough of them lately).
First of all, I had therapy yesterday. It was mostly Dr.S talking because I don't know her well enough yet to spill my guts out to her. She talked about ways to help me sleep better and I guess I did tell her a little bit about the whole high school battle. After talking about it with my dad yesterday, I seriously want to switch schools. I mean the school I'm at is great and I gave it my best shot, but I need something different in a school. Sure I'll miss my friends and Mp, but I can always keep in touch with them. And if you take the whole religion thing out, I would hate my school. So I have made up my mind about next year, now all I need to do is tell my mom...oh boy...

On the sunny side of life, drama is going great. This show might actually be better then what I thought it would be. And I'm having so much fun with all my drama buddies every day after school. Although, my home work is piling up. But also on the sunny side of life, I straight A's again!!!!

As for books, well I don't know, I just want to read all the time now. I use to read a bunch in 5th and 6th grade, but then I just got to busy. But now I am reading three different books: Glass. Which is about a drug addict mother who is 18 years old. It's a true story about the authors daughter. The Presidents Daughter. This one is about a girl who's mother is a senator who is running for president and she is going to win. I got this book for Christmas, and only now getting to read it, but I'm loving it! The Musician's daughter. This book takes place in the 1800's in Vienna. It is about this violinist who was murdered and his priceless violin was stolen. His 15 year old daughter is trying to figure out what happened to him while dealing with her younger brother and pregnant mother. She also has to make a living for them all by writing for music of a famous compser who is going blind. I love books!

Easter went well also. I got Twilight the movie!! I was so happy. I <3 Edward!

I hope everyone is well and reading a good book, lol!

Mx

Update on Life

2009-04-10T11:54:00.000-07:00

I know, it's been awhile since I last posted. I have been incredibly busy trying to keep up with school, drama, friends, and counseling. But I have no school today because it is Good Friday and I go to a Catholic school. That's one good thing about my school, we don't have school only really important holy days. I always thought it was ironic that today is called Good Friday because it is the day that Jesus died. I don't think that's that good, just depressing. But Mp explained to me that it is good because Jesus died for us.

Okay, theology lesson of the day is over...so, life lately, where do I begin? Well, first of all the musical is coming along very productively despite the cheesiness of the show. We have had rehearsals almost every day for 2-3 hours. Trust me, if you want to be in a production, you have no life. But that's okay because drama people are they are so funny and nice to hang with, plus those are my friends!

Schools...well, school. At least I have almost all A's! I was excited when my science teacher told me I got a 95 on his test (I usually get like 70's) and that he added the grade in twice to help bring up my average. I like him a whole bunch better now. But mostly school is boring besides theology class. Which has gotten strange lately. Mp asked me the other day about my moods lately and if I was talking to any one about where I was gthat going to go to school next year. Some how (IDK how, he is just talented like this) he got me to tell him about me seeing a therapist and taking medication for depression. He didn't seemed at all surprised about this (is it really that obvious?) and he told me if I needed to talk about anything, he was there for me. Aww, he is so nice to me! How am I ever going to be able to leave my school now?? (I don't know if I am going to transfer schools next year, but my therapist thinks I should)
Mp was also asking me what was going on with E. Nothing is going on with E and me (hehe, that rhymes) and that is frustrating. We are just friends and I think that's all we're ever going to be. I am over him...I think. I mean I still really like him, but I am moving on because there are plenty of fishes in the sea...
As for my medication. <3! It is really helping. Late after noon and evenings are hard though because that is when the Zoloft starts wearing off. But right after I take them I feel great, then they mellow down a bit. Sleeping is still a problem because I have a wicked hard time falling asleep and staying asleep. Dr. S said she can help me with that. I didn't know therapy could help sleeping patterns...I don't get headaches as often, but I still get them some times.
Oh yeah! Last weekend, I wen to Boston with my dad's girlfriend (L) and her son (BeatBoxerBoy) to see her daughters musical at her collage. (I'll call L's daughter L2 and she is 18) We had so much fun!!!! driving down I just listen to music and laughed at BeatBoxerBoy (he is 21), he is hilarious! We stayed in a nice hotel suit and we swam in the pool. We got a tour of Stone Hill collage. Nice Jesuit school, small but nice. And L2's dorm was so cool although it was a triple. We saw her preform in the musical Aspects of Love. She was the lead role, and boy did she kiss a lot of people! (She was great anyway.) It was a well done show, and much better than she said it would be.
We might go back to Boston over April Vk, I am so excited!

Happy Easter (weekend) everyone!

MX

Doctors

2009-04-01T07:08:00.000-07:00

I went to my first therapy/ counseling session on Monday. Dr. S is nice, she seemed like she knew what she was doing and hopefully she will be able to help me. Apparently, I need to see a therapist along w/ taking medication because medication changes chemicals in my brain to feel better, but therapy helps change the way I think. That makes sense to me.

I also went to the orthodontist yesterday and I have to get a cemented palate expander and then, spacers, then braces (top and bottom), and then possibly I have t get 2 teeth pulled. This is going to be painful, on both my mouth and my parents wallet.

Doctor appointments are fun!
MX

Zoloft

2009-03-24T06:11:00.000-07:00

I did some research about this medicine my doc put me on. These are the side effects of the antidepressant I forgot to mention yesterday (my doctor told me about them, I just totally forgot about them.): dizziness, headaches, nausea right after a dose, insomnia, feeling jittery. I have a headache and I didn't sleep lat night. I don't know if it's the zolofts fault, but for now I'm saying it is. Uhhh. And emotionally? Not much yet, it will take a couple weeks. But last night it totally calmed my mind before I went to bed so I wasn't up thinking depressing thoughts. I hate that I can get some of the side effects from the medicine just hours after the first dose, but it can take anywhere between 1-8 weeks for it to actually start doing what it is suppose to do for me emotionally. And I feel like a druggie. Taking zoloft and ibuprofen for headaches every other hour. My friends have noticed this too.

Oh well, the side affects are more noticeable during the first couple of days on the medication, so they won't be as bad in couple days. This is some other info about zoloft I found (for all of you that are so fascinated with the anatomy of antidepressants): Zoloft is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs, which works by increasing the amount of serotonin, a neurotransmitter found in the brain. AKA the medicine increases some chemical stuff in my brain so I stay happy and don't think about depressing emotions. Also, zoloft is used to treat OCD and anxiety.

Fun Stuff right?

My Shrink Has An Earing

2009-03-23T06:53:00.000-07:00

This weekended wasn't as stressful as I made it out to be. The concert went well and drama wasn't so long. But I am still doomed to fail that test on The Odyssey I have after lunch. I probably should be studying for that right now, but oh well.

So, I went to the psychiatrist just a half hour ago. Dr. B is very nice. He has a white beard and a long white pony tail. And he has an earring. Seriously? This is my shrink, the guy who can give me medication and who is suppose to understand how I feel? Really? Yes, really and he was very easy to talk to. He asked questions, I answered, and that was pretty much it. He asked m to tell him a little about my self and we talked (very comfortably I may add.) Then he diagnosed me with depression. Well, actually he didn't say that but he prescribed antidepressants, so I am guessing his official diagnosis is depression.

Yes, antidepressants, God only knows if they work. But DB insisted they will, so I'm gunna take them. I also had to agree to go to counseling to take the meds. At least these meds don't have really bad side affects. Only headaches, yeah like the ones I already get EVERY DAY! oh well, with a bottle of ibuprofen I should be all good. Haha, I got junior ibuprofen at the store. You know, the one that says for ages 6-11 on the front in big red letters? Yeah, that is what I got.
I swear, I'm losing it. I'm to young for that...

MX

This Weekened

2009-03-20T10:44:00.000-07:00

I have such a busy weekend to look forward to! Eww.

Friday-Rehearsal for the musical for an hour after school. Then I'm working at fashion show at my school with my mom. Not what I wanted to do, but my sister is going so if I didn't, that would be strange.

Saturday-Studying for tests on Monday and reading my theology book. I think I have to babysit for awhile. Then I am going to see a production of West Side Story at another high school in the district. Best part f the weekend. Best part of life! Well, music and musicals that is.

Sunday-Church. Rehearsal for like 3 hours. Choir concert at my church. Then I am directing the Stations of the Cross at my church. To much time at church.

Monday-Doctors, psychiatrist, shrink, whatever you wanna call it. I am not looking forward to this. It makes me feel anxious thinking about telling a random person all the crap I feel.

AT least I know I am not alone. My friend from school was just diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Us depressed people have to stick together. lol!

Yeppp, Life is fun :) (that is partly sarcastic, partly not)

MX

Back To My Blog...

2009-03-17T06:03:00.000-07:00

I really don't do well writing/ reading blogs. I once kept a journal when I was in 5th grade and I managed to write in it every day until I was in 7th grade. I was very proud of myself, even though my journal entries weren't very interesting. I now write in my journal once a month or so. But I guess I do a little better with this blogging thing.

Not much has happened since I last wrote. (What's new?) Lets see what happened...I went to see a movie. (Slumdog Millionaire, very good btw) I went over Maya4Life's house. We made cookies, and pancakes, and nachos. (We didn't eat every thing, just fyi. We just enjoy cooking when no one will take us to the mall.) Then we went for a really long walk. I went to church. I slept. Oh yeah, and I had a fight with my mom.

Fun stuff right? Not so much. So, I had yet another fight with my mom. About school. Of course. When it come s to school, we do not agree. I keep telling her I need to go to a better school for music because that's what I want to do with my life. I told her I want to transfer to the school where my dad works, still. She said it wasn't happening. (BTW, they cut half the music teachers at my dad's school, so I don't know how much better the music is at my dad's school verse mine.) Then, somehow we got to how ungrateful and mean I am to my mom. I went to my room.I cried. I wouldn't talk to my mom. She apologized. I was still upset with her for so many things she didn't even understand. I told her that. She was very confused about how was acting, So I let her read one of my journal entries.

It was the one I had written the night before. It was about how depressed and angry and guilty I felt. It was about how I felt Ike I couldn't talk to anyone about this because no one understood. It was very emo, I have to say. But it was true. She called my doctor the next day. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next Monday. She thinks I am depressed. She wants to get me a counselor and medication. And ya know what, I actually agree with her for once.

I do feel depressed, I don't want to, but no mater what I do I still feel the same way. I don't know when this started and I don't know why, but I am taking steps to stop it before it takes over. Well takes over anymore then it already has.

Anyway...yep that's all that happened. I have such a interesting life, don't you think? lol.

Till next time...

MX

Life Lately I need to come up with better titles

2009-03-06T05:17:00.000-08:00

So, I finally decide to write a blog when I should be attempting to understand my unfinished science homework. Well, actually I can't really do that because apparently our librarian is being the mean witch (with a b, lol) that she is and won't let anyone in the library. Oh, well.

Honestly, not much has happened since the last time I wrote. Things have been pretty sucky lately. Well, emotionally they have been. I mean I am doing well in school (I finally have all a's and one b), I tried out for the musical (which I feel pretty good about), and it's Friday. But, I just don't feel like myself. It's been another one of those "depressed feelings" week. And me and my mom have NOT been getting along. We fight about EVERYTHING!!!! The most resent fight we had was the following:
Mom: "You talk to yourself to much"
Me: "No, I'm talking to you, your just not listening."
I am not making that up. I think it is mostly my fault, because I can be very mean to her. I try really hard not to be, but sometimes I just feel so angry for no reason at all, especially at her.

But anyway, I turned 15 on Monday, and I had a snow day too! I am old enough to take drivers ed!! WOW, not that my mom will let me take it. Ugh. But just knowing I could is very satisfying. And I am also older than E now, which is very amusing to me. And I totally got the sound track to Sweeney Todd (The Demon Barber of Fleet Street) for my bday (along with some cash and some other stuff.) I love that musical now. We saw it about a week ago, and now I'm like obsessed with it. Mostly because Johny Depp is in the movie version of it (he sings very well in it, btw.) Oh, and my dad's old student teacher (DJ) played Sweeney Todd in the Broadway national tour. (That is the production we saw.) He was so amazingly good for the part! This musical is such a dark one, yet the music in it is great! I think it is in my fav five for musicals now.

Oh yeah, I think I mentioned this but I audition for the spring musical. The production we are doing is Starmites!, which is about a girl who is obsessed with comic books and goes into the comic book world and becomes the super hero in it. Strange, I know. I don't understand why our director has to pick such strange plays/musicals. I mean, for the one act he picked a play called Asylum. I think the name pretty much gives away the weirdness of it. At least this musical has a lot of lead and minor roles.

Anyway, that's all that's really happened lately in The Life and Times of MimiX. Write again when something interesting happens...
MX

NewYorkCity

2009-02-22T13:55:00.000-08:00

I just got back from my third home literally 30 minutes ago. (Btw: Russia is my first home, Maine is my second, and Manhattan, New York is my third.) I LOVE NEW YORK!!!!! I can't believe I am home, I just wanted to stay in the city. I feel like I belong there, it is such an incredible place and I can't wait to live there.

I just want to get off topic for a sec and tell you all what I want to do when I am older. I am going to NYU and I am going to live in a loft apartment in Alphabet city with Maya4Life. I am going to get a degree in music education and one in Preforming arts/ Musical theater. During my summer break I am going to work at the Stardust Diner (it is a restaurant were the waiters are Broadway stars to be who sing to you) When I graduate I am going to attempt to become an actress on Broadway (which is very unlikely) and if that doesn't go anywhere, I am going to be a high school music teacher or professor. That is what I want to do with my life. IDK if that is how things will work out, but I can still dream.

Anyway, back to my amazing trip to the city. I first went to NYC when I was 5 or 6 years old and I have gone practically every year since then, usually for thanksgiving. Out of all the trips I have taken to the city, this has been one of the best. I went with my dad, his girlfriend, and McAri.

On Friday we started driving to Connecticut at 6 and we took a train from there to NYC. We got into the city at about 2:15 and we checked into our hotel, which was very nice. After words, we went out to lunch at a burger place. Then we went to the NBC store. I love this store because it is huge and it has a amazing candy section and not to mention all the House md stuff they have. I totally got a magnet with Hugh Laurie's face on it. At 4 we went on the NBC Studio tour. We saw the SNL studio and the sound/ makeup rooms. It was cool to see the studios, but we didn't get to see as much because most of the studios were being used. That's okay because it was fun anyway. After that, we went shopping!!!! I spent all my cash in like an hour. I got some Roxy shirts, earrings, and I bought the official script of RENT.

The next thing we did was is one of my favorite things to do in NYC: Madame Tussuad's wax museum! It was really cool, I have been there before, but they have gotten some new figures. My favorites were Obama, the Jonas Brothers, Rachel Ray, and Johnny Depp. They all look so really! (Well, not Brad Pitt, he looked strange.) There is also a hall of terrors kinda exhibit, but the thing that is really scary about it is that not all the figures are wax. There are people dressed up as wax figures and the jump out at you!!! I started walking in this hallway, and I walked right back out. I was so freaked out! I love scary movies and all but things jumping out at me, no thanks.

After Madame's we went to a Mexican restaurant and then just walked around time square. Time Square is my all time favorite part of NYC. I am just in love with all the lights, people, sounds, and smells. It is so fabulous there, and I wish I could have spent all night there with all the people and sights, but we we're in our hotel (asleep) at 10:30

END OF DAY I

The next morning we all got up at about 8:00 and then we went out to breakfast. I had a bagel. NY Bagels are the best in the world. IDK why, but they have the best cream cheese and they cut them differently and they are just better in NY than they are in Maine. (What isn't? lOl) After we just went to different stores. We went to souvenir shops and the Broadway store. We also went to FAO Schwartz, which is like the coolest toy store I have ever been to. Then we went to St. Patrick's for mass. (I think we have done this every time we have been to NY.) After mass, we went to the Stardust Diner. It is such an cute little restaurant, and they had some really good singing waiters/ waitresses! Then we just kinda walked around, went to some more stores, and hung out in time square. I know it doesn't sound all that exciting, but believe me just walking around in the big apple is fun. There are so many things to see and so many different stores too! Finally, at like 4:00 my dad let me and McAri walk around by ourselves!!! Well, technically we were only allowed to stay on fifth avenue and the street where our hotel was, but still. It was really fun and we did a lot more shopping in places like H&M and Abrecrombie. I got an awesome hat and we also bought our dad some ties and chocolate (at the M&M World store) for his b-day, which was on Friday. Then we went back to the hotel for dinner. It was a nice three course meal and is was technically our dads b-day diner.

After dinner, we got a cab to bring us to Starbucks where we meet up with Capathia Jenkins. (She is the Broadway star that sang at my dads Christmas concert this year.) She is so nice and it was nice to see her again. We talked to her for awhile, then we walked down to the theater where Mary Poppins was playing. OMG, Mary Poppins was SO good! The special effects were amazing; there were people flying over the audience and dancing o n the walls/ ceilings! The music was great and the dancing was even better!! The kids in it where so good and the musical is way better than the movie by far. It is one of the best musicals I have seen on Broadway!

After the musical we went out for drinks, then we went back to our hotel. I wasn't in bed till about midnight.

END OF DAY II

The next morning we got up early and went to Rockefeller plaza where they shoot the Today Show, and we totally where on the news! We were standing right behind the news lady and they showed a close up of me, my dad, McAri, and my dads girlfriend! It was so cool, to bad no one was awake to us besides my mom and my grandmother. Oh well. We went back to the hotel to pack after that, and we were on the train leaving Grand Central Station at 10:00. Then there was a long drive home in the rain after that.

Now I am home and so missing New York City so much, but it was a great trip! I am already planning my next trip to the city for my 16 b-day with Maya4Life.

That's all for now! Peace out,

MxMissingNyC

B-Ball and a Movie

2009-02-18T19:16:00.000-08:00

Today I went to the movies with Em. We saw He's Just Not that Into you. (Story of my life, right?) It was really funny; such a chick flick. This is the first time me and Em have hung out outside of school, and I think we really had a good time. She likes all the same movies, books, etc.. that I do. And she makes me laugh! (In a good way!) Then we went to the Bball game. We meet up wit ha bunch of other people there. It is soo good to have friends to sit with!

It was weird, tonight I actually felt like I fit in with these people. I also got really into the game. Usually I wouldn't pay attention to what was going on, but since Em plays Bball she was explaining everything to me. There were some intense plays. It was a close game, but my school was never in the lead and we lost 41 to 47. Oh well, it was fun anyway!

After the game we had to walk a little bit to meet Em's dad and it was fun because I love walking around downtown. It was snowing and was really pretty the way all the stores were lit up with Valentine hearts and decorations. I am so thankful to be living in such a beautiful city and to have such great friends!

:)
MX

My Crazy, Amazing, Weird, Strange and Just Plain Great Friends

2009-02-17T18:50:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, my friends are so amazingly funny and incredible! I'm talking about Katyia in particular because I just came back from her house. (I still love you though Maya4Life!) What a day (well two days) we (me and McAri) have had with Katyia! I love hanging out with her because I feel like we know each other really well and we feel so comfortable around each other, all though we don't see each other that often. I don't know if it is because we are all Russian, but there is a connection thing going on... (oooo, Scary, lol!)

We all have nicknames between the three of us. They are basically just variations of our middle names which happen to be out Russian names. McAri is Vera, Katyia is Ekaterina, and I'm one of the following: Nadezhda, Nadia, Nastia, or Nezzie. It's usually Nezzie although I prefer Nadia or Nastia. It's funny cuz we are the only ones that call each other by our Russian names, it's refreshing. Well, McAri doesn't like the name Vera so we usually just call her Ari.

So, what did we do with Katyia? Good question, I don't really know. We just kinda hung out at her house and watched movies and talked. She also painted my nails this awesome purple/ green color. We did eventually go to the movies. We saw Coraline, it was soo weird but good at the same time. I don't understand how it could be so creepy and ad normal, yet it's a kids movie! Oh yeah, and today we went to our neighborhood Jokers! Fun for ages 1 to 92, but I think we we're a little old for that. I mean it was fun and it was out idea, but people looked at us strangely! (what's new?) I swear, if we saw anyone we knew there, they would have thought we were drunk! We weren't, don't worry. We we're just happy and way to hyper. I think it was all that candy we bought that Katyias's mom told us not to get. She was kinda Po'ed that we did. It was so worth it though!

We just have so much fun together, and it is really sad when we had to go home! But when we did get home, Maya called me. I haven't talked to her for awhile so it was nice to hear her voice again. I use to see her everyday last year cuz we went to the same school, so I am still adjusting to seeing her once a week, it is strange. Oh, oh, oh!!! OMG, E is talking (technically texting) me again. He was so ignoring me for the last month. It had something to do with Mp, but I don't know. I guess he is confused about how I feel about Mp, well that's what he told Ari. (Yes, he is talking to my sis on facebook and somehow she got his number, so they are texting as well. I am not amused. But at least I know she doesn't' like him, I hope she doesn't.) How I feel about Mp? Well, I feel that he has a been a BIG help in my school life, my life in general. Saying he is a mentor would be the best way to describe it.

That's all for now!

P.S.
I love My friends!!!!

Day Two of VK

2009-02-15T15:44:00.000-08:00

Today, we cleaned. The. whole. entire. HOUSE. Actually, it's an apartment, but w/e. I also attempted to watch Harry Potter, but my DVD was being stupid, so that didn't last long.
I get to go to Katyis's house 2morow!! I can't wait to see her again. We don't see her a lot, but I did get to see her last month and she was my roommate at summer camp last year. She is so fun to hang out with; she is so funny and I feel really comfortable around her. I don't even know what we do at her house, but we always find something to do. I think a lot of it involves watching movies and talking about boys.
Also, on Wednesday I made plans with my Em, my other friend from school. We are going to see a movie then we are going to a bball game. (I don't really want to go to the game, but I have nothing else to do and there is also also a very good chance that MP will be there, not that I'm stalking him or anything. lol. Ya know, people still make fun of me for going on a "date" with him. Actually we had another "date" planned for the last bball game, but he tickets were sold out. Gosh, what am I going to do once basket ball is over? Well, there is always softball. He's the coach of the freshman team. He wants me to play. Ya, me, softball, no. In his dreams. I bet it is too...JK!)
Anyway, enough about my wicked nice theology teacher who is engaged and way older then me. I mean he is not really old, just old for a 14 (almost 15) year old like myself. By the way. saying that siting at a basket ball game with him was a date, was his all him. Just thought I'd throw that in for all of you are who are like" God, she's dating a teacher!" And he was just being nice since he knew I was having a hard time for all of all thinking: "Creeper!"
ANYWAY, done talking about him (for now...) Here is the lyrics to a song that I have named the song of my life:
Don't Let Me Get Me (Pink)
Never win first place,
I dont support the team
I cant take direction, and my socks are never clean
Teachers dated me, my parents hated me
I was always in a fight cuz I cant do nothin Right
Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I cant take the person starin back at meIm a hazard to myself
Dont let me get meIm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Dont wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

Yeah, well actually this is the song that Maya4Life used to describe me about a year ago. But I've changed since then, yet some parts of me haven't. (Like dating teachers, lol. AND winning first place, yeah that hasn't happened. Ever.)

MX

Vacation and Valentines Day

2009-02-14T13:39:00.000-08:00

Happy Singles Awareness Day!!! (SAD, better known to the average American as Valentines Day) Hey, but to the average American teen with no boyfriend, it's singles awareness day. I had a nice day, I went out to lunch with my dad and his girlfriend then we just drove around.My sis is babysitting all day. (Lucky, she'll probably get a bunch of cash that she'll blow at the mall in like ten minutes at Areopostle) Now I am semi-watching Charlie and The Chocolate Factory (ya know, the sketchy one with Johnny Depp in it. I have to say I prefer him in Pirates of the Caribbean.) Oh, today is also the first day of VK!!! I am headed to NYC on Friday! I am so excited, I am going on a major shopping spree and we are going to see Mary Poppins.
I am also hanging out wit my friends from school this is week, which is funny cuz according to my mom, I have no friends. Wasn't she surprised when we went to the bball game on Wnsday and she meet half of the school, who I happen to be friends, (I wonder if they still wanna be friends with me after meeting her.) I love you and all mama, but geez why do you have to say things like "I am so glad to see you have a friend!" I am not incapable of making friends, thank-you very much. Just because I don't invite them over all the time like McAri (sister), that doesn't mean I don't have them.
Anyway, so that is all I am doing this week and fixing up my essay on St. Augstine. My teacher said it was very well writen and could possibly be a finalist in the National History day project fair.
So, yeah that's all for now. I should have some interesting posts on NYC and going to my friend, Katyia's house. (She was adopted from the same orphanage as me and we have been friends forever.)
Have a nice Valentines (or Singles awareness) day everyone! <3
MX

Acceptance

2009-01-29T14:58:00.000-08:00

This is a random and quick post, I know. Well, I have decided to but a sweat shirt with my school's logo on it. I have no idea what possessed me to do this, but I am going to us the money from my old math book (which I sold back to the book store at school) to by something that actually will say that I go o the school I go to. Actually, I do. And it was Mp. Is it at all possible for one person to change your whole perspective on something? Well, Mp has. I don't know how, but he has made me actually like and appreciate my school. I am actually happy (mostly) here. That is something that I never thought I would say, or write. (I won't say it, not aloud.) My life at school is no where near perfect, but it is satisfactory. If you read some of my first post, you will see that I HATED this school. Now, I have accepted it....maybe even stared to really like it...

Wow, that is never what I planed on, but yet this is what is happening.

Maybe I do belong here....

That still is a maybe, isn't it??

A very confused MX

At School

2009-01-29T09:38:00.000-08:00

OMG!!! I know for sure that 2 people actually read my blog!!! Thank you guyz! Maya4Life would read my blog too, but her mom kind of banned her from the blogging world. It's a long story that I don't really want to retell. Anyway, I am at school right now. Hence the tittle of this post. And, yes I am using my only free period of the week to blog!!! Now that is what I call procrastination at it's best! I swear, facebook and blogger are the ultimate time consumers.

Not much going on today. I got in an debate with my new math teacher about his method on solving equations. His way is probably better, I just feel more comfortable doing things the way I learned them. He doesn't care, I have to do things his way. I also got info for my research paper. Now I just have to take notes on them...I hate taking notes. But that is the one thing they actually taught us how to do in middle school, how to take good notes and how to write a good lab report.

There is three more weeks till I go to NYC!!!! So excited! We are going to see Mary Poppins. I don't really care for the movie, but the musical is suppose to be better. After we get back from NYC we are going to see Sweeney Todd. One of my dad's old student teachers is playing Sweeney Todd. Oh and on Friday I am going to see A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum.

I swear I spend way to many Fridays at the theater, seeing movies and musicals. I also spend way to many Fridays with my mom. Which is weird, because we don't really get along all that great. I mean, when I was younger we did, but now we just don't get along. But we try really, really hard to not get in an argument when we spend time together. We have been hanging out together more often. I don't mind spending time with her, but I mean there is usually things I would rather be doing. I don't feel like we have anything in common anymore and I just find it harder to talk to her than it use to be.

Anyway, tomorrow is purple and gold day at our school. It is our spirit week this week in honor of Catholic Schools Week (which is funny because our school is technically not categorized as Catholic, it is Jesuit) So, we are allowed to wear our school colors (purple and gold) tomorrow instead of our uniforms. The thing is, I don't own any purple, gold or yellow clothing items. I have one purple top that is a halter top, which I highly doubt I am allowed to wear. Mp is not going to be happy if I don't have any school spirit tomorrow. He knows I would rather be at a different high school and that I don't own any purple or gold. ( I told him this at the basketball game.) But I said I would get something that is school colors or that says the school name on it, but I haven't. It wasn't really a promise, but I feel bad for saying I would do something but then I didn't do it. I also sort of, kinda, maybe want to show some school spirit. This school is starting to rub off on me. I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing, all I know is that it makes me even more confused about the whole transferring thing.

One last thing I have to say today: I really hate going to the same thing as my cousin. He is in my grade and on the football team. And who am I in the social scene? I am nobody. I hate how people are so astonished by the fact that me, the social outcast with no set clique, is related to the popular football player. Yeah, well I am and people need to get over that. And he doesn't treat me the same way he does if we are at a family party or something. He acts as if he is better than me. I know sometimes he is kidding, but geez it is still not funny. I am also being compared to him when it comes to school by my grandmother. I don't like being compared to people, it makes me feel bad. Also, his mother is obviously my aunt, but she also works at my sisters school. SO she has two people who tell her all about what is going on in my life. Which is none of her business, btw. (I never got along with her. It could be very obvious and scientifically proven that a table is wooden and she could tell me that, but I would still argue that the table was metal. She says black, I say white. It is part of my natural charm, lol)

Okay done venting about that. That's all for now in The Life and Times of MimiX, thanks for reading!

MX

Snowday, Definitley Needed

2009-01-28T10:52:00.000-08:00

When I wake up to my ring tone (Misery Business by Paramore) alerting me that I have a new text message at 5:15 in the morning, I know that it is going to be a snow day. I signed up for the weather channel's snow cancellation alert thing. And low and behold, SNOW DAY! (These arw seriously the most holy words to all high school students.)
I so needed today off. For any of you that have been reading my blog for the last few days, I am sure you can agree with that. I have been feeling down, and the stress of school just makes that even worse.
So, I got to sleep in today. I also made cookies. I kind of burnt them , but they are still good. I also got to work on my 5 page research paper on St. Augustine for the national history day project. He is actually a fairly interesting person to research. I chose him very randomly. I saw his name on the options for topics and I saw him lat week in my theology book, so I chose him. And nobody else wants to do a saint so I thought I'd be the one who did. I don't try to fit in with the crowd because I think that God has made it very obvious that I was born to stand out. No harm in that no is there?
Now, for my amazing midterm results...
Math- Okay this is bad, please don't judge...57% ewwww!! Hey, but I switched my math class so I am no longer in honors. The non-honors course is so easy! I am sure to get an A in this class.
Science- Also very, very bad...D-. But I still have a B in that class and my teacher says this grade isn't very uncommon among freshmen in physical science honors.
History- A-, this is very good considering how hard his tests are.
English- A- as well, very good my teacher said. I thought so too.
French- A, I rock at french, not to brag!
And I always save the bect for last: Theology- I got a 100%! I think it is because I like this class the best, and it is a very easy subject if you pay attention in class and study.
So, over all, midterms were good. Well, besides for math and science, but I suppose there is always time for improvement.
OMG! I am going to NYC for February break! I am so excited! I love New York, I can't wait to move there someday. Now I have something to look forward to on those days when the school work seems never to end.
That's all for now. I am going back to enjoy my day off from school and stress.
Peace,
MX

The Dolphins of My Life

2009-01-26T17:50:00.000-08:00

Today was better, in a way. I feel better, but those feelings are still there. They are just hidden, for now. I just need to try to look at the positives in life...

Like those people in my life who have made me smile when I am down. Like Mp, Maya4Life, and matryshka. Thank-you guys for just being there on those bad days. I appreciate it so much! Especially to you matryshka, thanks for the comments! They put a smile on my face. :)

Here is a prayer for all those who have helped me through the tough stuff

Guardian Angel, watch over those whose names you can read in my heart.Guard over them with every care and make their way easy and their labours fruitful.Dry their tears if they weep; sanctify their joys; raise their courage if they weaken; restore their hope if they lose heart, their health if they be ill,truth if they err,repentance if they fail.

Thank-you
MX

One Of Those Days

2009-01-25T12:31:00.000-08:00

Yeah, it is one of those days today. One of those "I don't understand why I have to feel depressed" days. I don't feel like myself. I feel sad, alone, anxious (for no reason, btw) and just plain awful. I hate these kind of days. They seem to be getting more and more regular. This scares me. I don't like feeling this way. And feeling like these feelings won't go away scares me. There has been many days when I have felt like this and decided not to blog about it. I guess I didn't write about it because I am in a bad mood and because I ashamed of feeling depressed. I know that not a lot of people read my blog, but still.
Maya4Life tells me that I need to talk to my mom about feeling depressed. I have, many times. I have just stopped trying to get her to understand how I am feeling and why. I have a hard time understanding my emotions and I don't find it fun explaining things I don't understand to other people.
When I am depressed and when I feel like there is nothing in the world that can help me, I do stupid things. Very stupid things. Things that are harmful, mostly to myself. I know the things that I do are wrong and that they will not help me feel better, yet I keep doing these stupid things for reasons that I don't really understand. Sometimes I just need to do something with all my emotions, so I do dumb things. Sometimes I just do them out of habit. I don't do stupid things for attention, as some may think I do. I do them I guess because I want all the "bad feelings" to go away, but they won't.
I have started taking walks when I feel like doing something stupid. My mom and dad think I go for walks to go do drugs or some shit like that. They don't trust me, and they have good reasons for not trusting me, but I am just walking. I am trying to stop doing stupid things and start looking at healthier alternatives for handling my emotions.
I am not sure what else to say...I just hope tomorrow will be better
MX

Almost Done

2009-01-22T08:51:00.001-08:00

I have about an hour before I can go home and nothing to study here, so I thought I'd attempt at a blog post...
I have taken 4 midterms: Math, was hard but I did my best. It doesn't matter how I did because I will either fail or get a D-. French, was harder than I thought it would be, but still easy. English, was easy but time consuming. And theology was easy. The essay about the Jewish salvation history took awhile but I know it by heart.
So, two more to go: science and history. The two hardest ones I will have to face. But two more and I am done!!!! I just have to get through a long night of studying and two horrible test...I think I can do it, I have made it thus far.
Oh, btw: it was Mp's birthday yesterday, and I forgot to say happy birthday to him when I was finished with his test. Now I feel guilty. So, I thought I'd just say it on my blog that no one reads: Happy Birthday Mp!! :)
I don't really have much to write. That is probably due to the fact I am written out because I have written five essay's today!
So,write again when I am free of midterms!
Peace out,
MX

Life Has It's Up's and Down's

2009-01-15T09:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was not a good day, not at all. I felt stressed and tired. I felt depressed for the first time in a long time and that made me scared and angry. I thought that I was done feeling depressed, but I realized that feeling that way never goes away, it just hides. Which is the reason I was in a very pissy mood to everybody yesterday, even Mp. Not even theology class could make me smile. So, after school I decided to go for a long walk in the cold to help myself feel better. S0 I bought a monster, turned my ipod to tune out the world, and walked f0r an hour. I believe that this helped, and I thought through a lot.

I thought about school, midterms, stress, Mp, Maya4Life, and just life in general. I am still very confused about most of these things and I still have no idea why I am feeling the way I do, but I do a little feel better.

One thing that I did think about that I do understand is this: Just because today treated you badly, doesn't mean tomorrow will. This was my motivation for getting up this morning with a relatively good attitude. It also motivated me to study for midterms...

Today was better than yesterday in many ways. I did well (I think) on my tests, I got to study for midterms in most of my classes, I didn't feel as depressed, I have the rest of the day free, and I talked to Mp.

On the negative side today, I am tired. I also had to talk to my guidance counselor today.

I didn't know why because all they gave me was a piece of paper with an appointment time on it. So this made me feel anxious, and when I get to anxious there is really nothing I can do about it besides taking deep breaths and hoping that I will stop shaking. So, I just talked with Mrs. W (the freshman counselor) and she just wanted to talk to me about how I was liking to school. (I know now that this had to do with something my mom said to her about me wanting to transfer.) I lied, I said everything was fine. She told me that if I ever need anything I can come back and talk to her, but I won't. She seemed nice and all, but I don't like guidance counselors, never have. I haven't really have a good experience with them in the past, that is probably why. I don't want to talk to her because I don't know her and she doesn't know me. And besides, she has kids like me come talk to her everyday, why would she care if everything was fine with me? It is just her job. And when I talk to counselors, I feel bombarded with questions that are pointless.

If I am going to talk to anyone about how school is going it is going to be Maya4Life or Mp. I trust them, I know them, and I don't feel awkward talking o them. And they don't ask me how I am doing just because it is their job, they do it because they care. (Well, I hope they do)

So, those are my life's ups and downs for the last 2 days, hopefully there will be more ups than downs in times to come.

But life is a winding road of confusion, so there is no way to tell what will come next. Just got to keep hoping for the best...

MX

Midterms...A High School Student's Worst Nightmare

2009-01-13T06:40:00.000-08:00

Guess what a week from today is??? Midterms!! Ugh, guess which one I have first??? Math! Figures. But good news: I can switch to non-honors algebra after midterms without switching around my whole schedule!! The only reason I didn't switch before was because I was afraid of having to switch science/ theology classes and because I like what being in honors does to your GPA. Oh, well. There is hope for more honors next year...

So, midterms. Ew. I don't like tests and I don't like studying so I don't like midterms already. But I actually did get a productive hour of studying in last night. I am hoping to do the same all this week. (But knowing me, I'll probably end up on Facebook talking to E some how.)

By the way, Mp knows that I like E. At the basketball game he asked me if I had any crushes and I wouldn't tell him. But of course, he convinced me to in the end. That's okay, I trust him. And he would have probably found out one way or another. He's good like that.

Also, yesterday in theology class (lol), he told the class that I was his date at the game. Talk about embarrassing! And did I mention E is in my class? I don't really care what anyone says, because I guess I was his date. If anyone says anything, there probably just jealous. And I am not ashamed that I sat with a teacher at a school basket ball game, it was fun. And I don't regret it one bit...

MX

Math is Ruining My Life (Rather My GPA)

2009-01-12T11:21:00.000-08:00

I just spoke with my math teacher and I scored a 50 on our last test. I have a 70 average in that class. That is just passing. There is no hope for me to bring that grade up to a C. That is not good. That is very, very bad. I am going to have all A's and one big, fat, nasty F (possibly a D if I do well on the midterm, which is not likely) on my report card. Do you know how bad that is going to look like to me, my parents, collages?????? I AM NOT HAPPY!!!!!!!!!! Take a deep breath, find a happy place, find a happy place. Nope, not working, I am still freaking out.
I guess on the bright side of things, I wont have to switch classes even if I do fail math. Oh, and the bball game went really well. We lost, but I had alot of fun and I sat with mp.
But, *sigh* an F? Seriously I am better than an F....
MX :((((

Friday At Last

2009-01-09T05:07:00.001-08:00

Omg it is Friday!!!! No School tomorrow, I can sleep in! For the last two days, I have had a hard time of getting out of bed. I seriously have to lie there for an hour to think of a slightly good reason to get out of bed. It usually involves theology class and seeing E. Today my inspiration was that I had a free period first, it's Friday, and I have theology class.

Today went painfully slow and the only interesting part of my day was theology class. Today our reflection in class (it is usually a quote) was about this:

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you."
Mary Stevenson

Mp asked what I thought of this. I said that this is saying that even when you feel lost God is there with you helping you through the tough stuff. Then he asked me if I believed this. I said Yes.

Of course I do, why else would I say it? ( I can't lie to mp, it is physically impossible for me. So everything I say to him is the truth, even if the truth is not chalked full of details, it is still always the truth.) But, yes I do believe this. If you asked me this a couple of weeks ago, I would have flat out answered: "No, God doesn't care or else I wouldn't be at this damn school!" But now my answer is: "Yes and I can prove it."

Something that Mp said when we talked about me transferring has stuck with me. It was how he said that I should pray to God to help me with understanding things and that God is there with me even when it does not seem that way. And finally he said God has a plan for me.

I didn't believe anything he said at the time, but I took it into consideration, and I prayed and looked for god in my daily life. Ever since then, things haven't been as bad as they were before and I now feel that God is guiding me through everyday, even when I feel alone.

I have learned so much being at this school, mostly in theology. I have become more aware of God everyday, I have come to appreciate prayer, I have learned to be a person for others, I have started accepting things as they are, and over all I think I have become a better person by being here.

I have Mp to thank for all of this because he put things in perspective for me, he has taught me things I will value my whole life, and he continues to be there for me. I am starting to see this school as not such a bad thing....

But there is still something in my heart that is telling me I don't belong here. I also still long to be in this choir at another public school, but maybe this is the not the path for me. Maybe I was meant to stay at this school. I don't know, but I am here at this school for the rest of the year because my mom finished paying my tuition. So while I am here, I am determined to figure this whole situation out and if here is really where I was meant to be.

I don't know, perhaps I never will, but I don't care at the moment because today is Friday and tomorrow I am going to a basketball game at my sisters school, against my school. Mp is going and possibly Maya4Life, so that is all I am going to worry about right now.

I think the answers shall come when they are ready....

Until then,

MX

Back at School

2009-01-06T08:13:00.000-08:00

So, here I am once again at the school library during my free period when I should probably attend to that unfinished homework due next block.

Oh, well. We started school again yesterday and it a was much easier transition than I thought it would be. I went to bed at about 8:30 the night before and surprisingly I was up at 5:30 and up and going ten minutes later. I amaze myself. School seemed to go by super fast yesterday and I had a high energy thing going on for awhile and went to bed at 9:00 after watching House.

Today is going okay, a little harder to get out of bed, but okay. Midterms are in two weeks and I plan to begin studying for then tomorrow. (Maybe even tonight) That gives me one more day to not feel anxious and stressed out!

Like I have said, I have no idea who reads this blog and no idea why you would be interested in my lame life. I wish I could fascinate all of you 2 people that read my blog with a love story or epic poem, but I can not because that is simply not my life. Well, I guess I could write an epic poem about my life, minus the epic. But my life is what it is: pretty good, but dull and sometimes frustrating, and I am really trying to accept that.

Today in theology class (lol, that is my favorite beginning to a sentence), Mp asked us us to write down three goals for the new year. You already know of my academic and personal goals, but he asked us also to have a moral goal. A goal that will help us become a better person. Mine was this: To accept things the way that they are (to accept things I can not change) and to me nicer to my mom/ sister.

This is the goal at the top of my list and this is a goal so easily accomplished day by day.

"Every blade of grass has an angel whispering to it to grow, grow."
(Quote from Theology class)

4EverandEver,
MX

Back to School So Soon

2009-01-03T13:46:00.000-08:00

I am so anxious for the end of vacation and the start of school. I am so not looking forward to math class, homework, and midterms.
*Sigh* Midterms. Something I wish had never been invented. I have never taken midterms, and I am not looking forward to taking them. What I have heard from upper class men about midterms makes me scared. I know they are probably over reacting, but I don't like tests and I don't do well on them. So the idea of a 50 question test that accounts for 20% of your grade, does not make me happy. Not one bit. There is only 17 more days till I have to take them!!! (Yes, I counted.)
I am just trying (very, very hard) to concentrate on the good things about going back to school. Honestly, I could not think of many good things about going back. I will have theology class and I will get to see Mp. I am also looking forward to see my few friends and E. Although he hasn't spoken, texted, emailed, etc me for like a week. Oh, well. He can't ignore me at school, I need help with my math HW. (Which happens to be due first period Monday morning, and I haven't even started it, Talk about procrastination!)
I always hate going back to school because I hate change and it takes m forever to get back into the swing of things. It is so annoying! And I also have to get use to going to bed at 9 and getting up at 5:30.
Well, that's really all I have to say right now. I was just trying to calm my anxiety. I think it helped... a little.
Till schools starts again...
MX

New Year, New Me

2009-01-01T12:00:00.000-08:00

Happy new year everyone! I hope this will be the first of many interesting (or not) post in 2009!
I can't believe that this year has gone by so fast, I feel like it was just yesterday that I was accepted to the school I am now at. And I can not believe that I have survived almost 4 months of high school, it is amazing!
I am so glad that it is a new year because that means a new start (for most things) Starting today I have decided to take Mp's advice and stay at this school and give it my best for the rest of the year. I mean, I didn't have a real chose about transferring schools because I was going to stay at this school weather I liked it or not. That is mainly because my mom has already payed my tuition. But I am going to accept (or try really, really, really hard to) that I am here at this school and I am not going anywhere.
Also this year I am going to try really hard to get back in shape. I am not over weight or anything, but I could look better in my bathing suit. And I really miss running, so I need to start doing that again.
Another big goal for '09 is to get my straight A status back. I mean, I am almost there. I have a's in everything besides science (C+/ B) and Math (gulp, still a D). I know I can do this, I just have to work really, really hard.
My final goal (rather dream) for 2009 is, well to get E to see me as I see him. I really, really like him and honestly I have no idea what I am doing. I guess I am just doing what feels right. I like him and I don't know what to do about it, because I don't he feels the same way.
Anyway, I am going to make 2009 my year. It is time to show the world who I really am and prove that there is more to me than meets the eye.
To a new year and (hopefully) a new me...
Happy New Year
MX

Confusion Is My Daily Status....

2008-12-16T11:56:00.000-08:00

I just had a nice talk with Mp, about wanting to leave this school. My mother e-mailed him just to ask for some guidance, not to have him talk to me. (He decided to do that on his own because he said he cared about his students, including me.) He told me that I should stay at this school for a year and just look at it with a more oped mind. He also said that this was part of God's plan for me, even if I don't see that. Than we talked about Friends, family, etc... It was nice to have some on else opinion about if I should transfer schools. He also said I could talk to him I needed someone else to talk to. He reminds me so much of the other Mp...

The other Mp was my 5th grade teacher who quickly became my mentor and was always there for me. She died of pancreatic cancer the summer between 6th and 7th grade. I have never been able to have a good relationship with a teacher. But I really like Mp, he makes going to this school so much better. He says that I shouldn't stay here just because of him, but he is truly the only reason why I want to be here. He cares he; is going to be one of those people who is going to change the world for at least one teenager, if not many.

Anyway, my convo with him got me out of this daydream I have been in for the last week and back into reality. I need to start think very seriously about what I like about this school and what I don't. I need to just step back and look at this whole situation and possible understand it a little better. Mp says I should just stay here for the rest of the year and then see what happened, but I am thinking about beyond this year in to the next four years of high school. I feel that if I stay here at this school for the rest of the year, I will be trapped here for the next three years very unwillingly.

I guess for now I will have to take it one day at a time and just try to appreciate and accept all that this school has to offer...

Till I can figure out my life,

Mx

SNOW DAY!!!

2008-12-11T08:23:00.000-08:00

Well, it is 11:30 on this wonderful Thursday afternoon, and we just got released from school due to bad weather. Which is kind of Ironic since it isn't even snowing. Oh well, at least I don't have to go to classes.

Lots has happened since the lat time i wrote. First of all, l there was Thanksgiving break, which was quit a production! I spent most of my time w/ cousins (I have like 20) and when we all get together, it is nonstop laughs and fun. There is occasionally some drama and tension, but it is usually all in good fun. I also got to see Twilight over the break. It was one of the most amazing movies I have ever seen. I have read all the books (besides the newest one) and it was so incredible to see it on the screen. That movie is so romantic, and adventurous, and mysterious. I simple love it! It is like the next Harry Potter to me.

Okay, done being obsessive Twilight fan. After break our schools production of The Time Machine opened and closed in like three days. We had some good shows, we had some bad shows, but all in all it was great fun. We all so had a great cast party and we also went out a lot after the shows. Also during my production, my father's (he is a choir director) Christmas concert opened. Now, where I live, this concert is a huge thing and my dad usually hires a star guest to preform (More than likely it is usually a Broadway star) This year hew got Capathia Jenkins. She is so amazingly nice, I love her! But I didn't get to go out to dinner with her like my sister did because I had to go to work (aka, my show)

Now we are going to have a snow day tomorrow and I am really glad because I really don't want to take a math test! By the way I got my d- in math to a d!! What an improvement, not. But E said he would help me study!! Well, that's all till the next addition of the boring life and times of MX...
Peace
MX

I am Thankful

2008-11-25T10:30:00.000-08:00

I am thankful...

I am thankful for my family.

I am thankful for my friends. (Especially Maya4Life!)

I am thankful for my teachers.

I am thankful for my health.

I am thankful for all the opportunities I have in my life.

I am thankful for being adopted.

I am thankful for my math tutors.

I am thankful for my talents.

I am thankful for my dads girl friend and my mom's boy friend.

I am thankful for the things I have experienced in my life.

I am thankful for my freedom.

I am thankful for my home.

I am thankful for Love.

I am thankful for all those who care.

I am thankful for my school (although I am not thrilled about being here).

I am thankful for all those who have helped me in my life.

I am thankful for those who have changed the world.

I am thankful for our president. (Obama, that is)

I am thankful for all the things I have every been given in my life.

I am thankful for music.

I am thankful for my family and freinds above all. They are the ones that makes life so much easier and worth while.

Happy Thanksgiving All!!!!

Creating Myself

2008-11-24T18:35:00.000-08:00

I just saw something that read: "Life is not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself." You know what? This is so true...
I guess this is saying that I need to stop looking for "me" around every corner and start looking within myself at what I can become. Life. I thought it was bout finding myself through a life time of decisions and relationships, but now I believe that it is about painting a self portrait of who I am. It is about unlocking things locked deep within us that only we can get to. It is about forming ideals and opinions. And it is believing that we can become who ever we want to and then achieving that.
I have the power to pave my own path and paint my own portrait, and so I shall...
MX

I Want To Change The World

2008-11-23T16:22:00.000-08:00

I want to change the world. I want to make a difference. This is a new life goal of mine: I want to make a difference in someones my life. My bffl says I have already made a difference in her life, but I want to make a life changing difference in someones life that needs my help. I don't know how, when, who or why; I just feel that this is something I need to do do before I die.
I have been through some crap in my life and I know people who have been through so much more. And also in my life I have felt alone, misunderstood and meaningless, and trust me it is not fun. I was talking with my friend about how much better this world could be if people took the time to help and understand young people of these times. We are the people of the future and if we are all just a bunch of drug addicts and criminals, the future is not going to be to bright. But if people took the time to help and support us through the hard stuff in our lives we would not resort to things like drugs and suicide.
There are some people in this world that have devoted there lives to helping teenagers who are struggling. I want to be one of these people to make a difference. I have been there, done that and I now how hard it can be when you feel alone and scared. I want to show some kid out there, someday, that they are not alone and that their life is meaningful...And important.
This is how I will strive to change the world...
MX

Battles To Fight

2008-11-21T18:42:00.000-08:00

Gosh, I haven't written in awhile! I just don't have time to, or I just don't feel in the mood to write. And there isn't much to write. My Life isn't that interesting, if you haven't already realized that. I mean, I get up, go to school, come home, do homework, then go to bed. Then I get up and do that all over again! Fun, right? In a word, NO.
Well, I guess there is something more than that to my life; there is drama and the struggle just to get by. If I had to make a To Do List for life, it would look a lot like this: 1) Get Up. 2)Survive. 3) Go To Bed. Every day is another hill (sometimes it is a mountain) that I have to climb over. From math tests to friendships and fights, I have a lot to deal with. Now, I am not complaining about this, I am just stating a fact. I see each day as a battle that I have to fight...
Sometimes I win these wars against myself and the world around me; then I am usually in a good mood. Then, sometimes I lose and I let my emotions get the best of me; that is when I feel/act depressed and jerky.
Today I won the war, and was in a very good mood. I got an 83 on my math test, I got to go see a musical, and I had the chance to hang out with E. (The guy who has been tutoring me and math and whom I also kinda like.) But sometimes I wonder how long this good mood will stay with me. My prediction is that by tomorrow, I will be back to that little hole that I tend to crawl in when I feel down. Or I might be feeling incredibly hipper and then I will end up doing something I really shouldn't be doing. I can never tell; my moods change so randomly and suddenly. It is so frustrating, sometimes I would rather feel nothing at all rather than the things I feel. But I can not become blind to my emotions. I have to just get up, survive, and then go back to my nice, safe bed where I can dream...
Night everyone...
MX

TAG

2008-11-19T09:57:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged matryoshka!

http://cepob.blogspot.com/

Rules:. Link to the person who tagged you and post the rules. 2. Share seven random or weird facts about yourself. 3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post with their links. 4. Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Random Things About Moi!!!

1. I sleep with a teddy bear named kyle and a Russian shawl that matryoshka gave me. I got the teddy bear in the hospital.

2. I LOVE sushi and chai tea

3. I know how to say pineapple in 6 different languages (IDK why, it just sounds cool!)

4. I am a night owl, I want to stay up until midnight even if I am tired and I have to get up at 5:30 the next day.

5. I am addicted to face book and flair

6. I have been pushed down the school hallway in a trash can during class. I have also been pushed around in a shopping cart in the middle of a street

7. I Like to walk around the city at night singing Out Tonight (from RENT) with Maya4Life

I don't know anybody to tag.... Every one that I know has blog has already been tagged!

Yepppp, I'm bored.

Later...

MX
P.S. I got an 83 on my math test!! :0

Teachers

2008-11-09T16:43:00.000-08:00

I just got home from a really great night w/ Maya4life. The funny thing about our little night out was that we went to a worship service at Mdogs Church. Just for all you don't now who Mdog is well, he was one of my most favorite teacher from last year, from ever. Well, this worship service was different in a sense because it was four guitarists/ singers and a drummer and they just sang songs about God. It was really beautiful. Just to let everyone know, we went to this thing because Maya4life's grandmother wanted us to. But I am really glad I did, I can't wait for the next one! The ironic thing about hearing my old teacher sing is that last year I made fun of him for his singing, but he really wasn't in his real voice. (Which is actual very good!) Another weird thing is that I have never seen him in jeans and a non-dressy shirt. We were all joking before the show because we thought he was not going to be able to sing when he saw me and Maya sitting in the front row! His face was great when he saw us, he had no idea we were coming! After the show we got to talk to him and he asked us how school was going and all that stuff. Then we were just talking and he was like " You loved me, you hated me, then you loved me again, I didn't know what you thought of me!" We told him we did really like him and then we brought up the time he pulled me down the hall in my chair. Good times! Me and Maya had a really funny love-hate relationship w/ him and we pissed him off, got in trouble with him, and other times we just got along. It was great seeing him (and his daughter whom I used to friends with) again. I really miss him and all my teachers. My teachers have always played a really important part in my life and I think that with out teachers young people would not be able to get by in this harsh world...
"What the teacher is, is more important than what he teaches." ~Karl Menninger
Yeah Mdog, just cuz you teach the worst and hardest subjects (science) doesn't matter cuz you are a great person! Now if the teacher teaches a goo subject and is a nice person, that is just bonus! (Like MP)
Thanks to all my teachers who have made a difference...
MX

RENT: NO DAY BUT TODAY

2008-11-02T16:53:00.000-08:00

I have so much on my mind I should write about, but I just need to forget about all the stress in my life and write about something that I love so much: the musical RENT. For those of you unfortunate souls who haven't seen Rent, it is a powerful rock opera based on the famous french La Boheme (The Bohemian Life) It is about 7 (Sort of 8, but the 8th person is basically a reject.) bohemians (starving artists) that live in NYC's East Village, struggling to pay their rent. (Hence, the tittle.) Everyone of them has their own struggles to cope with, varying from sexuality, drug addiction, and Aids. It sounds like a very inappropriate movie, but believe me it is an amazing film (and musical) about love, friendship, and life as an artist.
The characters are as followed:
Mark Cohen,a struggling documentary filmmaker, the narrator of the show and the person who creates a final movie which details his friends' lives and journeys throughout the story. Ex-boyfriend of Maureen. Roommate of Roger.
Roger Davis, an HIV-infected musician who is recovering from heroin addiction; his girlfriend April killed herself after finding out she and he had HIV; Mark's roommate and Mimi's love interest.
Tom Collins, a gay philosophy teacher and anarchist with AIDS; friend and former roommate of Roger, Mark, Benny, and Maureen; Angel's lover.
Mimi Márquez, an HIV-positive exotic dancer and heroin junkie; Roger's love interest who used to be involved with "Benny" Coffin III. (I got my name MimiX from her. Not because I do heroin or strip, but because she changes so much in the movie and has the unique out look on life: No Day But Today, which becomes the movies theme.)
Angel Dumott Schunard, a gay drag queen street percussionist/musician with AIDS; Collins' lover.
Joanne Jefferson, an Ivy League-educated lawyer; Maureen's lover; lesbian.
Maureen Johnson, a lesbian, performance artist; Joanne's girlfriend; Mark's ex-girlfriend.
Benjamin "Benny" Coffin III, landlord of Mark, Roger and Mimi's apartment building; ex-roommate of Mark, Collins, Roger, and Maureen. Now married to Alison Grey of the Westport Greys and thus considered a yuppie sell-out. (He is the reject.)
Now, the theme No Day But Today really means a lot to me because it is something that I really try to live up to. It basically means live this moment as your last and live your life to the fullest, which is something I think everyone should try to do.
The writer of this musical, Johnathan Larson, died the day before his own creation would have first opened off Broadway. I find this painfully ironic and sad. If you listen to the music of Rent and do some research on Larson, you will see how much the lyrics to the songs connect with his death, it is as if he wrote is own memorial. Very sad. He died of Marfan syndrome, which was very sudden. I believe he is a pure genius for writing something as beautiful as RENT.
This is such a great musical, so powerful and if you haven't seen it I suggest you do. I strongly suggest you do. If the by the last scene you feel no emotion about the whole story, then you must have a heart of stone...
Some of my fav quotes from RENT:
"There's only now, there's only here, give in to love, or live in fear. No other path, no other way, no day but today."
"Loves not a three way street, you'll never share true love until you love yourself. I should know."
"Give into love, or live in fear."
"Merry Christmas bitches!"
"Actual reality! Act up! Fight AIDS!"
"I think they meant it when they said you can't buy love. Now I know you can rent it, a new lease you are my love - on life... be my life"
They call me... They call me... Mimi...
MimiX

Math

2008-10-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

*Sigh* I hate math, it is stupid. One minute I get it then they just have to go and add letters in with numbers and it just screws everything up!!! I thought I was doing better in math since I got a 90 on my math quiz on Wednesday, but then today we had a test and I didn't understand it at all! I didn't answer a bunch of questions and the ones I did answer I am positive I got wrong. Even if I did get then right, I would still fail. Without math my life would be so much easier...*Sigh*
But on the bright side it is Friday and I found both my scripts for drama. One of them was on the stage and another this guy had. Now I have two scripts. WOW....back up, baby! (in case I lose one!!)
Anyway, I was reading all my blogs that I have ever posted, and there...different, like me I guess. One of the first blogs I wrote that I wanted to be that cool drama geek, but I was a rebellious teen that didn't want to be here. Now I think I am... What am I? Maybe"that quite girl who likes theology class." I haven't really established a reputation at this school yet. At my old school I was the smart drama/ music geek that likes to get in trouble, or does trouble just find her? Yeah, I think It was mostly I am not trying to get in trouble, but I seem t0 a lot. For a while at my old school I was shy girl who didn't talk, then I was just girl who gets in trouble, but has good grades, finally I become drama geek. Now I am back to quite girl who doesn't talk. It is like one huge cycle of reputations. None of them are any good though. But popularity isn't the answer to life's longings, that is what they are teaching at this school anyway.
Peace out,
MX <3

More Theology Class

2008-10-22T05:15:00.001-07:00

I went 0n the retreat with some of the freshman class. It was a great experience in my opinion. We are required to go on this retreat to graduate, so might as well make the best of it. At first I was not so pleased about having to go because I wasn't going with my class and MP, so I was pretty PO'ed about that. then MP was talking to me on Friday after school, asking about me being adopted and having my parents being divorced. Then the conversation come to the subject of he retreat (which we were talking about in the first place) and he asked me if I wanted him to come on the retreat since I didn't know anyone going. I was very pleased with this idea, so I said yes and he ended up going with me to the retreat instead of to a doctors appointment. I thought that was a very nice thing for him to do. I felt so much less out of place when he was there.
Hey guess what??? My grades in science and math are coming back up!! I finally feeling like the old me again, the hard working-need to do my work me. I don't know what was going on, but I just kind of lost my motivation to do well. I think now that I have some friends,
and because I don't feel so stressed about my school work and because I am really enjoying drama, that I have got it back where it needs to be. I just need to keep it up....
So, school isn't really stressing me out right now, but the fact that the auditions for the district music festival are on Monday, and I don't even know the song is stressing me out! I really need to learn how to prepare for these kind of things ahead of time...And I need to stop leaving my script on the stage at drama. I lost my actually book-like script, so I got a photo copy, and I lost that too!! Gotta stop doing that....
Anyway, not much else to write about right now. I'm sure there will be after theology class, something funny or really confusing happens during that class. I mean yesterday MP, told me he needed to talk to me in the hall, and I thought I was in trouble. (I usually am when a teacher needs to talk to me) But he just asked my opinion on how he treated this kid who was acting up during class the other day. I have know Idea why. I asked him after class why he asked me that and he said he just valued my opinion. What does that mean? A teacher has ever said that to me before....
MX

Journey To The Past

2008-10-14T05:50:00.000-07:00

I am really bad at math and science, just thought I'd let you all know. I swear I am going to fail both those classes. At least you don't have to be good at those two subjects to be a music teacher. At least that's what my dad says and he is a music teacher. That's what I want to be when I am older. Singing and pretty much anything to do with music is what I am good at, so that's what I have decided to do with my life. Or become a a diagnostician, but I am bad at math and science so that probably wont happen as much as I would like it to. Anyway, I am very bored right now. I should be studying for the test I have in english, considering that this is my only free period today. But I just can't concentrate on vocab at the moment. My mind is miles away from school right now, it is somewhere in northern Russia....

Yesterday my friend asked me if I could go anywhere int the world, where would I go? I have not been able to get that question out of my mind. I knew instantly where I wanted to go, Russia to that little town where I was born and where I live for the first year of my life. Most people would think I am crazy for wanting to go somewhere so cold, whats in Russia anyway? Well, my birth family, it's were I came from. I wish so much that I could go to Russia and live the way my birth mother had and to see the things she saw. I want to experience what my life would have been like if I had not been adopted, if only for a week and even if it wasn't really the way it would have been. More importantly I want to meet my birth mother, that is if she is still alive. Or maybe my brother, who would now be 21. I know that this is a goal that I may never reach, but I can try. Some day I will. I swear (but not to God because I go to a Catholic scholl..Lol...) that I will. And I'll write a blog about it! I think I'll call My Journey to the Past...

See, my theory is that where you have come from is not really who you are as a person, but it is a good place to start your journey in finding out who you are and who you want to become. So, how can I figure out who I really am without knowing where I came from? Where you come from may have nothing to do with who you are at all, but I still want the chance to explore my biological family history. I want to be there, in the place I was born just to see what it's like. And if I ever get the chance to I want to tell my birth mother thank you. For loving me enough to give me up and for giving me a chance at a better life. A life that you may not have been able to provid me with. That is the greatest gift I have ever recived...Life, and a chance to have the best life possible.

A DAY OF SELF DISCOVERY

2008-10-08T11:25:00.000-07:00

Last night and today I have learned a lot about myself and my family...

Let me just start with telling you that deal with some emotional difficulties sometimes. I get anxious and stressed way to easily and sometimes I have to deal with depression. Not like I'm suicidal or anything, but I just have random outburst of feelings of sadness, loneliness, and confused sacredness and anxiety. I guess these feelings never go away, they are just hidden deep within me and when I don't have the strength to hide then from the world I break down and they all come rushing out like the Nile river. So, yesterday I was felt like I could not ignore these feelings anymore and I was mad about it. Mad at the world for no reason. And then my mom asked me if i was okay and so I told her how I started crying and i told her how I was feeling. She helped me feel better and deal with these feelings and told me she is seeing about a councilor for me. This was a major break through in our mother daughter relationship. I had always been very close to my mom when I was younger, but then I when I entered middle school I just hated her and could never talk to her about anything. Yesterday was the first time I felt like I could talk to my mother and feel close to her since 5th grade. I am so incredibility grateful I did.

Today was the first time I felt close to my grandmother in...forever. I have always seen her a s a woman that is always nagging at me for one thing or another. But today was grandparents day and she followed me in my classes today. That made me realize that she was interested in my life and she care what was happening in it. The whole experience I think made me appreciate her even more.

I wish to leave you with one last thought. Yesterday Maya4Life, my BFFL, (LOL, my mom didn't know what that was and I had to explain it to here.) asked me what my favorite word is. After thinking about this all night I think that my favorite word is LOVE. It is something that makes up this world. Just think about the world would be like with no love! I think it is would be pretty grim. You have to Love to Live and Live to Love and that is my theory for happiness and a life lived to the fullest. "Don't pity the dead, pity the living, the ones that live without love" Because they are the ones who will have a sad and lonely life. "Give into Love, or live in fear" Because to live in a world with no love is something to fear. Love yourself, love your friends, love your family because without love the world would stop spinning. My other favorite word is annanase (think that is right) It means pineappple in Russian. I like it because it was one of the first worlds I learned in my Russian class I took 2 years ago and also because it is fun to say. I also do like pineapple.
LIVE LAUGH LOVE!!
MX
P.S.
Quotes from Harry Potter and Deathly Hollows and RENT

Random Facts About My Life

2008-09-26T11:21:00.000-07:00

Lots has happened since I've last written, maybe not interesting stuff, but stuff. Well, on Friday me and Maya4Life went to our old middle school. Talk about a blast from my past. I needed to have Mdog fill out an application for me, but he wasn't there. :( But we did see our old french teacher who we haven't seen since 7th grade because she has been in France on an exchange. It was great to catch up with her, she is really nice. Anyway, then we were going to got to the football game but V told us it was cancelled (which it wasn't!) But then we just watched a million episodes of House. I love House, he is like the coolest thing on TV. He's hilarious! Anyway, then I went to my homecoming dance on Saturday night. That suck so bad, let me tell you! The music was horrible, it was 1000 degrees in the gym, and it smelt so bad. IDK why. It was not fun, no body liked it. I wasn't going to go anyway, but my mother and grandmother wouldn't shut up about it. They were all like: "Your never going to make friends this way!" I HAVE FRIENDS, GET OVER IT!!!!! There not all to close, but I have friends. Finally I broke down and said I would go. What a waste of 10$ and a Saturday night.
Monday I had more tests and so starts my boring week all over again. At least today is the last day of school, because we don't have school 2morow! YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! I can sleep in! :D :D Yeah, but we get our progress reports in the mail this weekend! Yikes, my grades will probably be the lowest they have ever been. Oh, well I have plenty of time to bring them up. And I will, I swear. Not to God because I go to a catholic school and my conscience will eat away at me if I do. Me and Maya4Life have started calling MP my conscience,because basically that is what he is. Every theology class it is like a major guilt trip about every thing I have ever done wrong in my life. He is my conscience without even knowing it. But I still think he is really nice and I still absolutely love theology.
OMG! I have now been upgrade to the queen of the morlocks in drama! (Random, I know) It is not to much of an improvement, but it is a challenge. And I like a challenge when it comes to acting. I now basically just get to chill with king and order the other morlocks around. It is a role easier to develop then just a morlock, I think. So, drama should be interesting and pretty good. Well, I am sooo glad there is no school tomorrow, and yeah.
Tootles,
MX

Tests, Tests, and More STUPID TESTS!

2008-09-25T10:39:00.000-07:00

I have 5 tests tomorrow, and I am no where thrilled about it. The teachers here have told us that they are only allowed to test us on certain days so we don't have a million tests on one day. There doing a great job at this! Oh, well. I feel ready for most of them. Just gotta do like a 3 hours study session tonight. And it will be such a good feeling to have then all done with by the end of Friday. (But I do have one on Monday. More time to study!) I got my math quiz back today. I failed. Or barely passed, I can't remember. Just for all of you who didn't know, failing isn't something I do often. (Although it may seem like it.) In middle school I got nothing lower than a 94 ad I had never failed anything up until the start of this year. I have no idea why. I'm really gunna need to do better...
Anyway, today in theology MP wrote this quote on the board: "Show me who your friends are and I'll show you what kind of person you are." -Rosa Bolda
This quote sadly, is so true. In the society we live in today, people will judge you and the people that surround you as a whole before they get to know you as an individual. So, if your friends are making the wrong chooses they will assume you are to. Like judging a book by it's cover. If people didn't do this, the world would be a much better place, in my opinion. The meaning of this saying reminds me of something Mdog said to me at conferences. He said he didn't want me to get in the wrong group in high school, assuming that I was in with the wrong crowd last year. He said I needed to get in with a group of people who were as focused on school as I was. Now see, if he hadn't judged us as a whole he would have realized that my friends where into school and they tried there best. And he would have seen that although I my do better in school than some of my friends (I may not have) that that dose not mean they are not as focused on school as me.

Anyway, the moral of the story is just don't judge a person to quickly because you don't know what they have gone through or what their lives are like or even who they are. SO, just get to know then before you assume things, because the things that you may think could be very untrue and hurtful.
See ? I am learning things in theology! I guess about myself too...
MX4Life

What A Day

2008-09-24T11:45:00.000-07:00

Yeah, what a day! Everything that could have gone wrong did. But despite that fact I don't feel stressed at all. I only have tests to study for tonight and I am not really all that tired, and I might be able to hang with Maya4Life (and all my real friends) on Friday! I guess you could even say I am in a pleasant mood. Long time since that has been true. I just had a burst of enthusiasm to do my best today, although a lot of things went wrong....
Well first off, you should know that I didn't have theology class and that never makes me to happy about my day. Then I had science first, which is my hardest subject. After that I had a math quiz, which I already know I failed. I suck so bad at testing. I know all the material, but then I test poorly. Kinda like what happens to me at audition time. Gotta work on that to! Anyway...then I sat with sophomores at lunch which is highly looked down upon in this school. I didn't figure this out until after I had finished eating, then I practically ran out of the cafe. Finally I couldn't gt my locker open, so I had to get the janitors. I have never had issues with my locker, but today it just wouldn't open, so I am guessing that someone switched the lock. So, I had to get the combo for the locker that was on my looker from our assistant principal. She scares me. A lot. At least she is going to go back to being a L.A. teacher on Monday! Because I couldn't get my locker open, I missed the whole Key Club meeting, so I wont be able to work at the cancer walk this weekend. What a day!
Despite it, I defied what should have given me the worst headache and and an even worse attitude, and still came out with a positive out look on life!
Lets see how long this lasts...
MX

Today in The Life of MX

2008-09-23T06:19:00.000-07:00

Today in the life of Mx, things aren't as complicated and hard as they were yesterday. I have a short day at school today, and only math HW so far. I got to watch House last night and I have theology next, so all is well. I really do think I was tired yesterday and I was worried about how my audition went, so that's why I was in such a crappy mood. And I had a lot of HW, which I finished on time!!

Anyway, about my audition...It went well, but I really do think it could have gone a lot better. I felt so rushed because I had to leave and I only got like 30 seconds to look at the scene I was suppose to read. But maybe because of my impressive stage performance history, the director will cut me some slack and give me a decent role. Oh, well all the upper class man get the leads anyway and most of them are way better actress's than me. There is always next year, I am getting better at what I do every day, so next year or maybe even the musical is possible to get a lead. I have never really gotten a major role in play, mostly because I only do musicals. Not that I get leads in those either. I'm not bad or anything (I hope!) it's just that when auditions come around, I am never ready. That's something I really need to work on this year.

Anywho....off to theology!

MXinaBETERMOOD

STRESSFUL DAY

2008-09-22T16:00:00.000-07:00

Do you ever just want to scream, or cry? Yeah, that was my day today. I have no idea why, but every seemed harder than it should have been. It was just very stressful for some unknown reason. The work load wasn't even that hard. I guess everyone has those days...
I did audition for the play today. It went well, but I could have been better. I can always do better, or at least that's what I believe like all the time. I don't know why. I guess you could say I am an over achiever, at leas I was in middle school. It just seems to dang hard here!!!!!!!! I feel way to stressed today. Every thing is so complicated. I don't want to come off like life is crap and I have the hardest life ever, but it just feels like that sometimes, although it is not entirely true. have no concentration for anything today, which makes math homework impossible. I have yet to do any homework. Which is not going to make my wicked hard teaches pretty PO'ed. Oh, well none of them like me anyway. Well, MP does. His class was the only none stressful part of my day.I am really tired today, and I think that is the source of all this stressfulness. I really need to get more sleep, which is kinda hard because I never have time to sleep. TO MUCH to do and worry about right now. I am so close to a freaking mental break down here! I am sick of my life, and I don't know how much more crap I can take. I am trying so hard to do my best and make everything work, but isn't doing anything. I don't know how much more I can take.....
MXStressedToTheMAX

SURVING HS, THIRD WEEK

2008-09-19T19:27:00.000-07:00

So I have ended my third week of high school! And with no detention! I am very proud of myself for that and the fact that I actually have people to sit with at lunch.
I am still not sure about how I feel being at this school. I love the theology and religion so much, but a lot of the other aspects of this school I hate with a passion. So I don't even know if I like it here or if I hate it. It is so confusing. I wish there was just a letter you got in the mail or something telling you exactly where you should be in your life. But unfortunately, there isn't so we have to just figure out these things for our selves. But I am not sure how to figure out this dilemma especially since I am torn between my heart and my religion. Shouldn't those two things work hand in hand? For the religious out look on everything, I want to stay at this school, but my heart is still telling me I don't belong. I mean the education, the mission, and the theology at this school is good, but I fell like there is something missing other than my social life. I have no idea what that is. I don't know a lot of things right now. I don't know what I want or how I am even feeling. I just wish with my whole heart that I could figure out everything in my life that has a question mark after it. All in good time I suppose. I guess I've gotta take it one step at a time....
I'm goin' to bed.
Peace out to all readers,
MX

DRAMA

2008-09-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

What can I say about drama? Well, the fist meeting of the drama society was yesterday. It was amazing!!!! I is the only thing I like about this school, other than theology and MP. We are doing The Time Machine for out fall play. I am not a fan of this particular play, well what I've heard of it anyway. But I suppose I can give it a try. Let me tell you, drama here is all jokes, all the time. I mean they are serious about the production, but everyone is always cracking a joke or turning something the director says into a joke. There is a lot of funny people in drama, which makes for a great time. And our director is really funny too. He goes right along with the jokes. Lots of laughter here people, which I definitely need after a long day of school. We did a lot of improv games yesterday, which is also something I enjoyed. I also made some friends to hang with. That was good, considering the fact that drama and theology are the only things that are gunna get me through this school unless I make friends
HAHA! Talking about theology class, I just came from there! It was sooooo funny. MP makes me laugh. He has a way of telling a story that is just really funny and he's so nice. Our class always gets into really fun and funny class discussions, usually way off topic. As much as we get off topic, I am learning things about my religion and mission of my school every day. I think I am beginning to appreciate what this school stands for and what being a person for God and others really means.( Although I still don't enjoy this school or even know if this is the best place for me.) WOW! Big step! And it's all because of theology and MP. Who would have thought that religion would be my favorite class although I dislike going to church. The wonders one teacher can do....
Drama and Theology ROXZ! :)
MX
P.S.
I got an A on my math test!!!!!

PICTURE DAY

2008-09-16T06:53:00.000-07:00

Yes, today is the dreaded picture day. I just had mine done and the lady made me do this wicked weird full body pose. Hopefully it doesn't look to stupid. I am not buying any pictures this year so, it only really matters if the head shot for the yearbook looks good. I think it will turn out okay. I mean my hair looked good enough and I don't think I was doing that nerdy smile of mine that shows my bad teeth which desperately need braces. At least I don't have to worry about how my cloths looked cuz I was wearing our stupid uniform. Ya know, my sisters school had a dress down day on their picture day.
Anyway, I have gone from straight A's to failing two quizzes. Yes, I failed both my first math AND my science quizzes. And progress reports come out in 2 weeks! I know, it is only the first quizzes, but they can really bring down your grade here. At least I got B on the math quiz I had today and I feel good about the french and English quiz I had on Friday. I rally hope I did okay. I have never failed a quiz before. I have never failed anything before! If this had happened in middle school I would have been freaking out. But I am not to worried about it at the moment, which is weird cuz I need to do my best in high school. At least I'm trying...
I think I am trying. But that doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. Gotta try harder I guess. I have always done well in school, why is that changing so suddenly??? I a trying, really hard, and long. I think it's the school, could it be the school? Or is my attitude towards the school? But I would never let that get in the way of me doing well, would I? IDK!!!! I hate not knowing.
Going to take another quiz,
MX

NO SCHOOL!

2008-09-15T12:11:00.000-07:00

One good thing about catholic school: we have a lot more days when we don't have to go to school and public school does. I mean we have no school on all the Holy and saint days. We don't have school today because it is the states religious school conference or something. And guess what I had to do today? Homework! What a fun day off! Why do I have so much HW? I don't get it. I mean it never helps me understand anything any better! Oh well, again that's what you get for taking all honors, MX. Goodness, why did I do that? I REALLY don't know. I don't like HW. I Like music. I know that's random, but I am listening to iTunes right now. I think I would go crazy without music. It is such a HUGE part of my life. I mean, I am a singer. I love to sing, it is just an amazing feeling being up on stage preforming, or even just singing in the shower. Sing is an escape from the rest of this confusing world, the same as listening to music or writing is. It is my self expression. Heck, music makes me who I am. Or some of what makes me who I am. Now what's the rest?...
Till I have more to write,
MX

MOTHMAN?

2008-09-14T14:57:00.000-07:00

Has anyone ever heard of the Mothman, or seen the movie about him/it? I just saw it and the idea of the Mothman fascinates me. If you haven't heard of the Mothman, he is said to be a black, human/moth thing with glowing red eyes. Cool right? Well, I thought so. (well, in a creepy, weird way.) He is said to be a myth like Bigfoot or something, but no one has proven he doesn't exist. He seems to show up in times of tragedy, like when the Silver Bridge in Pleasant Point, West Virgina broke and 46 people died. Or when the Twin Towers crumbled to the earth on 9/11. People have said to have seen him in times like these and the days following up to things like these happening. There has been numerous sightings of him, but were those just a hoax? Is this mysterious Mothman really a super natural being? I really wish I knew. And is this Mothman thing good or bad? I believe that he is a dark creature who isn't the bad guy because it is also said that he warns people of this tragedy's. Anyway I am doing research into this because it is a something that intresst me. I know what your thinking: she's a freak who believes in the "Mothman". Maybe so, but I've had my fill about super natural creatures for today, so I'll stop writing about it And I'm not obsessed,or that weird, this movie that I saw just puzzles me.
Now back to HW!!!
Peace out,
MX
PS
If the Mothman intrests you check this out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothman

One Hi Can Make Your Day

2008-09-12T05:06:00.000-07:00

People are mean at this school.You'd think they'd be wicked nice and welcoming, but no. Not all people are mean, but some. I got to school at like 7:20 and barely anyone was here, so I just sat down at a random table in the cafe to study for a test. Then this girl sat down with me. She seemed nice and all then she's like freshmen have those two tables over there. And nobody was even there! Gosh, I can sit where ever I want and if somebody has a issue with that then that's just too bad!
But as I said, not everyone is bad. MP is nice. He is the only one that makes me fell welcome at this school, he is actually very kind to me. He is my theology teacher. He knows my name. And I like when people call me by my first name, rather than by my last. I like it a lot, especially when a teacher calls me my first name. It's just a really nice thing to do. There is only one teacher in the history of teachers that is allowed to call me by my last name and that's MDog. First I hated when he called me just by my last name and tried to make him stop, but he didn't. So I just learned to accept it. Anyway, MP is a really good teacher and he is really passionate about what he dose. I was having a wicked bad day yesterday cuz I did bad on a test and I was following the wrong schedule and skipped two classes. I just was not happy and I did not want to be at school. He asked me what was wrong when I was rushing to class when I figured out my schedule, so I told him. And I was really upset cuz I did not feel good and I just hated everybody and everything. But he just told me it was going to be alright and that it was okay. He made my day just by saying a few words to me. The rest of my day I felt better and I couldn't wait for his class, and I enjoyed it. I think he is my hero just saying hi. (which he dose every time I see him in the hall) God bless him.
MX

School is...

2008-09-10T09:17:00.000-07:00

School gives me a headache. I hate it. Fixing my computer also gives me a headache, and I still haven't fixed my stupid iTunes yet! I am going to go crazy without my music. Yeah, I deleted all the music on my iPod and now it won't let me put any of it back on.
I have a hour break from the boring thing we call school, so i guess I'm writing on my blog, finally. ( I should be doing homework.) I still am not enjoying school at all. My moms in love with my school though. It was parent's night. Scary thought. My mom, talking to my teachers, about ME! That's my worst nightmare. Anyway she loves my school, and I hate it. But she says that she could never pass high school now. My dad dose too. Dose that mean we are smarter than our parents? Sometimes I think it dose. Although i don't like school, am realizing that the education here is good. It is challenging and the teachers here are almost like professes. But the social aspect of it (for me anyway) sucks. I have no friends, no relationships to teachers, and I don't like the atmosphere of this school. It is to uptight and strict, not open enough.
I miss middle school, as lame as I may seem for saying that. I miss all my teachers, my friends, my classes. I felt so comfortable at my middle school and with all my teachers. I miss how much fun it was. Yes, there was a lot of work, but it had a laid back, fun atmosphere. I miss it. I really do. At least the weekend is kinda almost here, and I Can hang with my friends. Maybe my cousins too. (Yes, I love to hang out with my cousins. We all go to church together on Sunday and then we go to each others house. It's nice to be with family on Sunday.) Maybe I'll go see a movie with Maya4Life on Friday. I saw Batman and the Disaster Movie last Friday. They both were really good, but Batman rocks! I also got to walk around down town with my sis. That was funny, we both Had different uniforms on and people were staring at us.
OMG! I got like a wicked bad grade on my first math quiz. Oh well, only the first quiz. Anyway, I am doing well in everything else. Well, I should do HW. Thanxz for actually reading this blog!
YOU ROCK!
4everwrittingthisblog,
MX

SURVIVING HISH SCHOOL

2008-09-05T13:47:00.000-07:00

I HAVE ACTUALLY SURVIVED MY FIRST WEEK OF HIGH SCHOOL! :0 :O I have no IDEA how I did it at all. I thought I would have already had a mental break down or at least a detention. But the only trouble I've gotten into is people telling me that my collar button is the only one that can be unbuttoned. Shocker. I guess it wasn't totally horrible. I mean, I guess I have at least one friend and I already have straight A's. How did that happen, ALREADY? Well, I guess we have had at least 2 quizzes in each class. That's what you get for taking all honors your freshman year. I am just so glad it is Friday and I can ACTUALLY wear what I want. It is amazing. I'm serious after wearing the same uniform everyday, you can't wait to burn it! I don't know how I am going to be able to deal with that all 4yrs! At least I don't have to pick out my outfits in the morning. I just still don't understand about going to this school. I don't like it, but I don't think I'm gunna die from it either. Is this were I am suppose to be? It's what my heart is telling me to do, but then again my heart is one screwed up organ. I am not sure were I am suppose to be, or what I want. Maybe I will be able to figure it out, but how. Life is just so full of questions ad not enough answers. TGIF!!!
Peace,
MX

AND SCHOOL BEGINS

2008-09-04T08:28:00.000-07:00

OMG! I am already on my THIRD day of school! wow. And you should see my homework load! double wow. And yes after 3 days, I still feel the same way about this school as before. But I am really just trying to accept it for what it is, ya know? But it's hard to do that. I mean school is so dull. All I do is work, eat, and more work. I have no social life at all. I guess I have friends, but they're more like just people I sit with at lunch. I kinda feel like a zombie. Just floating thought each day, doing what I'm suppose to be doing. Then I go home and do the same thing. Is this how high school is suppose to feel like? I don't think so, but it still dose. At least most of my teachers are nice. My math teacher looks like Mark, from RENT, and he seems pretty nice. My history teacher is just plain harsh. He is all like "I am just trying to prepare you for the real world, and the really world isn't always fair." Blah Blah Blah. Yeah, I know the real worlds harsh, but could you lighten up just a bit? He is a pretty good teacher though. My science teacher is nice, young and fun. That's about it. Her class is to easy so I am going to honors Physical Science. Mdog taught me well. He's my old science teacher, and his class was great. Boy do I miss is 5 page long tests compared to this easy crap I''m taking. My religious teacher is also nice to, he is very gangster, in a way. He says 'ight, like every ten seconds. hes cool. My choir director is also very good, but I had to sing for him this morning. He's all like you are an alto, aren't you? And I'm like NO! I am a soprano. But at 8:00 in the morning my voice is not in it's full range yet. So, I am in the soprano section of choir. I still am not sure of what to make of my L.A. teacher yet. In good time though I should be able to tell you what he's all about.
So, for the most part school isn't great, but it isn't exactly crap either. It's dull. And boring. And I have no friends. AND I have lots of hw. Not to complain or anything. Well, I guess school is pretty crappy. But I just have to accept it for what it is and do my best and hopefully things will get better. I think I might be able to survive this school for awhile. But when i feel like I'm gunna die at this school, I'll let you all know. (That should be in 2 weeks or so.) But till then the all powerful and mighty MX is just gunna have to hang in there...
Tootles!
MXatschool

THE HARDSHIPS OF MY LIFE

2008-09-01T14:40:00.000-07:00

OMG! 2morow is school! I am soo nervous and upset that I am actually going to this school that I could cry. There are other reasons I could cry to. I just am not to happy with my life at the moment. It's not all bad, but it's just kinda confusing right now. See, my parent's are divorced. Have been ever since I was like 5 and I think it's harder now then it ever has been. Going into high school and all, our schedules for who we will be with everyday is just weird. Also, with my dad working numerous jobs, it also makes it more confusing. I don't blame him at all. He only wants the best for us. But I just wish sometimes that they weren't divorced. It would be easier, but then again it would be hell in my house with them fighting. And they both have found wonderful people to spend the rest of their lives, even though they never get married again. I am glad they are both Happy (for the most part), but I just wish there was an easier way to do all this and make it work for all of us. But I guess we are just gunna have to work it out like everything in life. Most kids who's parents are divorced learn how to deal, but being adopted (yeah me and my sis were adopted from Russia) and having divorce parents has a harder emotional aspect to it. It is just hard to over come emotional things for me. But hopefully with great family and friends by my side I can work thought this difficult time in my life.
Later y'all and thanxz for reading. Oh, and wish me good luck at school!!
MX4LIFE