Friday, May 15, 2015

Bring me back....

You're beautiful, you know that? 
You represent everything I have in life. 
Everything. Literally, everything.
You are the candle, my light:
And I shine for you.
No winds will blow me out, but I'm a human
      I may flicker, but rest assured:
  You won my heart and it is yours.
             Do what you want with it,
             But I never want it back. 
And words can pour out of me like memories
Leaking from the sands of lost faith and lost ones. 
But they're overpowered by love, 
        Which you so readily provide.
Times will change and pass: 
             Collapse beneath us, 
But hold the candle and whisper:
                     "LOVE"
We'll be saved:
Saved from the monsters that wake,
Wake in the light and 
Lie in the darkest conners of our souls.
Souls and the world:
Because we're too perfect to be apart.
We'll come back to each other:
Always. 
You're beautiful, you know that. 
                Thank you for getting me through the day


Sunday, April 26, 2015

I know I'm dramatic, it's part of my charm. I am having a hard night.

Alone. I have never felt so alone.
Drama queen, not good enough:
it feels like high school
Maybe it’s all in my head,
But the feelings are here.
Drink to forget,
never forget
that I will never be:
I will never be their child.
Cliché as hell.
True enough,
but what else can I say?
The bottle is empty,
I suppose I need to move on;
move on to what?
Lonely nights,
wine and cigarettes?
Depression?
I hate the word,
because this is not it.
This is worse.
standing alone in a room of light
but yet
I see nothing.
Empty is the stage:
A soliloquy with no end.
Roaming through the blinding lights,
I am alone.
God.
Where is He now?
The one I love,
my husband if he would only say yes.
But I am still alone;
my fears are petty.
But they are all I have.
Fear can lead to hope.
If I could only escape
the hurt of truth and failure
Is this pride?
Intruding the humility that could save my soul?
Probably.
And so continues the cycle:
Drama.
not good enough.
alone.
fearful.
Okay.



Monday, March 30, 2015

A casual day going to Palm Sunday Mass at St. Peter's Square and then a nice stroll around the park. God is good <3




Sunday, March 22, 2015

Trying to be creative with the pictures taken with my phone...

My roommate took this picture and I love it because that is my hand and my promise ring engraved with the words: "I am my beloved and my beloved is mine" I got this ring made last year as a promise to live my life with God, whether or not I become a sister.


Tuesday, March 17, 2015

I have two midterms tomorrow. I feel like I might fail....so I should probably study, but there is only so many facts about art and cults of the Roman Empire I can shove into my head. Classes abroad are just as difficult (if not more so) than the classes I take at home. The differences is that there is minimum effort put into these classes. This is to be excepted when there is so much more to see and do abroad than there is at home. But then exams come and there is no motivation to try and make up for all the effort that wasn't put into class in the first place.

Oh well, not much I can do now, SO might as well write. This is academic right???

Roma. My home for now, what can I say about thee? First of all, you're huge. And confusing to navigate. But Rome is beautiful and there is so much to explore. Today I wandered around in Trastevere, the suburb (or neighborhood or whatever) near where I am living. It has so many churches (like everywhere else in Rome) but most notably Santa Maria in Trastevere. It is, as the name suggests, dedicated to the Blessed Mother. I really like this church (or officially a minor basilica) because of this dedication. While in Rome I have met a group of Dominican sisters, whose order has a particular devotion to Mary. This also just happens to be the order I would like to join if I ever decide to become a sister. (Here is the website of the order if anyone is interested: https://www.sistersofmary.org/). There are some attitudes that this order holds towards abortion and some other controversial topics that I am not 100% on board about, but I like the devotion to Mary and the charism of Nova et Vetera. This means combing "New Evangelization, and the rich heritage of the “old”, the cherished tradition of the Order of Preachers". It seems like an order that is very in touch with modern times and very open to developing with the times, but they also are very focused on traditions of prayer and contemplation.

I could go on forever about this order. Really, I could. I like them so much and being able to meet some of the sisters has been one of the highlights of my time in Rome. Despite the strict order, discipline
, and dedication it takes to be a sister, these women are so normal. I feel strange saying it in this way, but when most people imagine nuns or priests, the picture someone in a different sector of society than the 'average' person. Perhaps they are to some extent, but they are just like anyone else, religious or nonreligious! I sat and talked with these sisters a few weeks ago, and it was like hanging out with my friends over a cup of coffee or something. They are funny, independent, smart, outgoing, and above all else, devoted women. And I so aspire to be like them.

Monday, March 16, 2015

I'm Back! And I'm in Rome!

So, I'm in Rome. I've been abroad for almost 2 months and have really been on the fence about keeping this blog at all. I hide most of the posts before I left the US because I wanted to keep a blog I felt comfortable sharing on my facebook. I never really wanted to do that though, it was mostly other people wanting to keep updated on my travels. Long story short, I've decided to keep this blog the way it has always been. I like this little blog I have managed to keep somewhat updated all through high school and college.


ANYWAY. It's 1 AM here and I should be sleeping (as usual) but inspiration hit, so here we are. I have lots to say about study abroad. I have seen so much and met so many wonderful people and eaten so much and the list goes on and on. The one thing I can say about this experience is that it has over all just been a lot. And it has absolutely been life changing. Not in the drastic way people make you think it will be, but in the little things. Simple daily interactions with different people or running errands or just exploring a city aimlessly has taught me incredible things. For me, the greatest things I have learned have been about myself. I've realized that I thought I liked having my quiet alone time, when really I had become very uncomfortable with it. And I think this is because there are parts of me that I didn't want to see or get to know. Slowly, I am becoming more comfortable with these pieces of me and I am starting to get back in touch with who I am.

Well, this feels a little to heavy right now, so here are some pictures!