Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Studying in Starbucks= Procrastination

I have been sitting in Starbucks for almost 3 hours, praying I will find the focus and inspiration to study. Alas, not a lot of luck. I would much rather be facebook stalking everyone I have ever had a crush on or starting research for my senior thesis (and I have done both within the last hour). Please someone stage an intervention. I don't know if this procrastination is the result of some confidence I have regarding my finals or if it has to do with the fact that I have almost completely checked out for the semester. 2 more days baby! 

This comes with a lot of conflict for me, considering I am studying abroad next semester. I am so excited but I am also so sad to be leaving my little college family (and my real family, but I have had a lot of practice being away from them). It's sad but liberating. I feel like I am in a time of transition, and I'm really just trying to accept it. That's hard. I have never been good at changes or transitions, but I feel like I might almost be setting myself up for more anxiety by looking at in that light. I am trying to see change and transition as good. Without it, life wouldn't be interesting and we would never become fully ourselves. But what does that even mean? I don't know. If you do, please let me know (or write a book because you'll probably make a fortune).

All I know is, I should be studying but my mind is occupied with philosophical questions about life. For instance, what does it mean to lose oneself in order to find oneself in God or to reach a greater connection with the universe? I'm thinking about like overcoming or being in touch with one's ego as one of the main 'goals (I guess?) of monastic life so that one can find a deeper union with God. 

SO those are my thoughts lately, what are yours? 



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