Yeah, it is one of those days today. One of those "I don't understand why I have to feel depressed" days. I don't feel like myself. I feel sad, alone, anxious (for no reason, btw) and just plain awful. I hate these kind of days. They seem to be getting more and more regular. This scares me. I don't like feeling this way. And feeling like these feelings won't go away scares me. There has been many days when I have felt like this and decided not to blog about it. I guess I didn't write about it because I am in a bad mood and because I ashamed of feeling depressed. I know that not a lot of people read my blog, but still.
Maya4Life tells me that I need to talk to my mom about feeling depressed. I have, many times. I have just stopped trying to get her to understand how I am feeling and why. I have a hard time understanding my emotions and I don't find it fun explaining things I don't understand to other people.
When I am depressed and when I feel like there is nothing in the world that can help me, I do stupid things. Very stupid things. Things that are harmful, mostly to myself. I know the things that I do are wrong and that they will not help me feel better, yet I keep doing these stupid things for reasons that I don't really understand. Sometimes I just need to do something with all my emotions, so I do dumb things. Sometimes I just do them out of habit. I don't do stupid things for attention, as some may think I do. I do them I guess because I want all the "bad feelings" to go away, but they won't.
I have started taking walks when I feel like doing something stupid. My mom and dad think I go for walks to go do drugs or some shit like that. They don't trust me, and they have good reasons for not trusting me, but I am just walking. I am trying to stop doing stupid things and start looking at healthier alternatives for handling my emotions.
I am not sure what else to say...I just hope tomorrow will be better