Thursday, January 15, 2009

Life Has It's Up's and Down's

Yesterday was not a good day, not at all. I felt stressed and tired. I felt depressed for the first time in a long time and that made me scared and angry. I thought that I was done feeling depressed, but I realized that feeling that way never goes away, it just hides. Which is the reason I was in a very pissy mood to everybody yesterday, even Mp. Not even theology class could make me smile. So, after school I decided to go for a long walk in the cold to help myself feel better. S0 I bought a monster, turned my ipod to tune out the world, and walked f0r an hour. I believe that this helped, and I thought through a lot.

I thought about school, midterms, stress, Mp, Maya4Life, and just life in general. I am still very confused about most of these things and I still have no idea why I am feeling the way I do, but I do a little feel better.

One thing that I did think about that I do understand is this: Just because today treated you badly, doesn't mean tomorrow will. This was my motivation for getting up this morning with a relatively good attitude. It also motivated me to study for midterms...

Today was better than yesterday in many ways. I did well (I think) on my tests, I got to study for midterms in most of my classes, I didn't feel as depressed, I have the rest of the day free, and I talked to Mp.

On the negative side today, I am tired. I also had to talk to my guidance counselor today.

I didn't know why because all they gave me was a piece of paper with an appointment time on it. So this made me feel anxious, and when I get to anxious there is really nothing I can do about it besides taking deep breaths and hoping that I will stop shaking. So, I just talked with Mrs. W (the freshman counselor) and she just wanted to talk to me about how I was liking to school. (I know now that this had to do with something my mom said to her about me wanting to transfer.) I lied, I said everything was fine. She told me that if I ever need anything I can come back and talk to her, but I won't. She seemed nice and all, but I don't like guidance counselors, never have. I haven't really have a good experience with them in the past, that is probably why. I don't want to talk to her because I don't know her and she doesn't know me. And besides, she has kids like me come talk to her everyday, why would she care if everything was fine with me? It is just her job. And when I talk to counselors, I feel bombarded with questions that are pointless.

If I am going to talk to anyone about how school is going it is going to be Maya4Life or Mp. I trust them, I know them, and I don't feel awkward talking o them. And they don't ask me how I am doing just because it is their job, they do it because they care. (Well, I hope they do)

So, those are my life's ups and downs for the last 2 days, hopefully there will be more ups than downs in times to come.

But life is a winding road of confusion, so there is no way to tell what will come next. Just got to keep hoping for the best...


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