Friday, January 9, 2009

Friday At Last

Omg it is Friday!!!! No School tomorrow, I can sleep in! For the last two days, I have had a hard time of getting out of bed. I seriously have to lie there for an hour to think of a slightly good reason to get out of bed. It usually involves theology class and seeing E. Today my inspiration was that I had a free period first, it's Friday, and I have theology class.

Today went painfully slow and the only interesting part of my day was theology class. Today our reflection in class (it is usually a quote) was about this:

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you."
Mary Stevenson

Mp asked what I thought of this. I said that this is saying that even when you feel lost God is there with you helping you through the tough stuff. Then he asked me if I believed this. I said Yes.

Of course I do, why else would I say it? ( I can't lie to mp, it is physically impossible for me. So everything I say to him is the truth, even if the truth is not chalked full of details, it is still always the truth.) But, yes I do believe this. If you asked me this a couple of weeks ago, I would have flat out answered: "No, God doesn't care or else I wouldn't be at this damn school!" But now my answer is: "Yes and I can prove it."

Something that Mp said when we talked about me transferring has stuck with me. It was how he said that I should pray to God to help me with understanding things and that God is there with me even when it does not seem that way. And finally he said God has a plan for me.

I didn't believe anything he said at the time, but I took it into consideration, and I prayed and looked for god in my daily life. Ever since then, things haven't been as bad as they were before and I now feel that God is guiding me through everyday, even when I feel alone.

I have learned so much being at this school, mostly in theology. I have become more aware of God everyday, I have come to appreciate prayer, I have learned to be a person for others, I have started accepting things as they are, and over all I think I have become a better person by being here.

I have Mp to thank for all of this because he put things in perspective for me, he has taught me things I will value my whole life, and he continues to be there for me. I am starting to see this school as not such a bad thing....

But there is still something in my heart that is telling me I don't belong here. I also still long to be in this choir at another public school, but maybe this is the not the path for me. Maybe I was meant to stay at this school. I don't know, but I am here at this school for the rest of the year because my mom finished paying my tuition. So while I am here, I am determined to figure this whole situation out and if here is really where I was meant to be.

I don't know, perhaps I never will, but I don't care at the moment because today is Friday and tomorrow I am going to a basketball game at my sisters school, against my school. Mp is going and possibly Maya4Life, so that is all I am going to worry about right now.

I think the answers shall come when they are ready....

Until then,


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