Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Confusion Is My Daily Status....

I just had a nice talk with Mp, about wanting to leave this school. My mother e-mailed him just to ask for some guidance, not to have him talk to me. (He decided to do that on his own because he said he cared about his students, including me.) He told me that I should stay at this school for a year and just look at it with a more oped mind. He also said that this was part of God's plan for me, even if I don't see that. Than we talked about Friends, family, etc... It was nice to have some on else opinion about if I should transfer schools. He also said I could talk to him I needed someone else to talk to. He reminds me so much of the other Mp...

The other Mp was my 5th grade teacher who quickly became my mentor and was always there for me. She died of pancreatic cancer the summer between 6th and 7th grade. I have never been able to have a good relationship with a teacher. But I really like Mp, he makes going to this school so much better. He says that I shouldn't stay here just because of him, but he is truly the only reason why I want to be here. He cares he; is going to be one of those people who is going to change the world for at least one teenager, if not many.

Anyway, my convo with him got me out of this daydream I have been in for the last week and back into reality. I need to start think very seriously about what I like about this school and what I don't. I need to just step back and look at this whole situation and possible understand it a little better. Mp says I should just stay here for the rest of the year and then see what happened, but I am thinking about beyond this year in to the next four years of high school. I feel that if I stay here at this school for the rest of the year, I will be trapped here for the next three years very unwillingly.

I guess for now I will have to take it one day at a time and just try to appreciate and accept all that this school has to offer...

Till I can figure out my life,


Thursday, December 11, 2008


Well, it is 11:30 on this wonderful Thursday afternoon, and we just got released from school due to bad weather. Which is kind of Ironic since it isn't even snowing. Oh well, at least I don't have to go to classes.

Lots has happened since the lat time i wrote. First of all, l there was Thanksgiving break, which was quit a production! I spent most of my time w/ cousins (I have like 20) and when we all get together, it is nonstop laughs and fun. There is occasionally some drama and tension, but it is usually all in good fun. I also got to see Twilight over the break. It was one of the most amazing movies I have ever seen. I have read all the books (besides the newest one) and it was so incredible to see it on the screen. That movie is so romantic, and adventurous, and mysterious. I simple love it! It is like the next Harry Potter to me.

Okay, done being obsessive Twilight fan. After break our schools production of The Time Machine opened and closed in like three days. We had some good shows, we had some bad shows, but all in all it was great fun. We all so had a great cast party and we also went out a lot after the shows. Also during my production, my father's (he is a choir director) Christmas concert opened. Now, where I live, this concert is a huge thing and my dad usually hires a star guest to preform (More than likely it is usually a Broadway star) This year hew got Capathia Jenkins. She is so amazingly nice, I love her! But I didn't get to go out to dinner with her like my sister did because I had to go to work (aka, my show)

Now we are going to have a snow day tomorrow and I am really glad because I really don't want to take a math test! By the way I got my d- in math to a d!! What an improvement, not. But E said he would help me study!! Well, that's all till the next addition of the boring life and times of MX...

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I am Thankful

I am thankful...

I am thankful for my family.

I am thankful for my friends. (Especially Maya4Life!)

I am thankful for my teachers.

I am thankful for my health.

I am thankful for all the opportunities I have in my life.

I am thankful for being adopted.

I am thankful for my math tutors.

I am thankful for my talents.

I am thankful for my dads girl friend and my mom's boy friend.

I am thankful for the things I have experienced in my life.

I am thankful for my freedom.

I am thankful for my home.

I am thankful for Love.

I am thankful for all those who care.

I am thankful for my school (although I am not thrilled about being here).

I am thankful for all those who have helped me in my life.

I am thankful for those who have changed the world.

I am thankful for our president. (Obama, that is)

I am thankful for all the things I have every been given in my life.

I am thankful for music.

I am thankful for my family and freinds above all. They are the ones that makes life so much easier and worth while.

Happy Thanksgiving All!!!!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Creating Myself

I just saw something that read: "Life is not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself." You know what? This is so true...

I guess this is saying that I need to stop looking for "me" around every conner and start looking within myself at what I can become. Life. I thiugh it was bout finding myself through a life time of decisioms and relationships, but now I belive that it is about painting a self portrat of who I am. It is about unocking things locked deep within us that only we can get to. It is about forming ideals and opinions. And it is belivng thta we can become who ever we want to and then acheiving that.

I have the power to pave my own path and paint my own portirat, and so I shall...


Sunday, November 23, 2008

I Want To Change The World

I want to change the world. I want to make a difference. This is a new life goal of mine: I want to make a difference in someones my life. My bffl says I have already made a difference in her life, but I want to make a life changing difference in someones life that needs my help. I don't know how, when, who or why; I just feel that this is something I need to do do before I die.

I have been through some crap in my life and I know people who have been through so much more. And also in my life I have felt alone, misunderstood and meaningless, and trust me it is not fun. I was talking with my friend about how much better this world could be if people took the time to help and understand young people of these times. We are the people of the future and if we are all just a bunch of drug addicts and alcholics, the future is not going to be to bright. But if people took the time to help and support us through the hard stuff in our lives we would not resort to things like drugs and suicide.

There are some people in this world that have devoted there lives to helping teenagers who are struggling. I want to be one of these people to make a diffrence. I have been there, done that and I now how hard it can be when you feel alone and scared. I want to show some kid out there, someday, that they are not alone and that their life is meaningful...And important.

This is how I will strive to change the world...


Friday, November 21, 2008

Battles To Fight

Gosh, I haven't written in awhile! I just don't have time to, or I just don't feel in the mood to write. And there isn't much to write. My Life isn't that interesting, if you haven't already realized that. I mean, I get up, go to school, come home, do homework, then go to bed. Then I get up and do that all over again! Fun, right? In a word, NO.

Well, I guess there is something more than that to my life; there is drama and the struggle just to get by. If I had to make a To Do List for life, it would look a lot like this: 1) Get Up. 2)Survive. 3) Go To Bed. Every day is another hill (sometimes it is a mountain) that I have to climb over. From math tests to friendships and fights, I have a lot to deal with. Now, I am not complaining about this, I am just stating a fact. I see each day as a battle that I have to fight...

Sometimes I win these wars against myself and the world around me; then I am usually in a good mood. Then, sometimes I lose and I let my emotions get the best of me; that is when I feel/act depressed and jerky.

Today I won the war, and was in a very good mood. I got an 83 on my math test, I got to go see a musical, and I had the chance to hang out with E. (The guy who has been tutoring me and math and whom I also kinda like.) But sometimes I wonder how long this good mood will stay with me. My prediction is that by tomorrow, I will be back to that little hole that I tend to crawl in when I feel down. Or I might be feeling incredibly hipper and then I will end up doing something I really shouldn't be doing. I can never tell; my moods change so randomly and suddenly. It is so frustrating, sometimes I would rather feel nothing at all rather than the things I feel. But I can not become blind to my emotions. I have to just get up, survive, and then go back to my nice, safe bed where I can dream...

Night everyone...


Wednesday, November 19, 2008


I've been tagged matryoshka!

Rules:. Link to the person who tagged you and post the rules. 2. Share seven random or weird facts about yourself. 3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post with their links. 4. Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Random Things About Moi!!!

1. I sleep with a teddy bear named kyle and a Russian shawl that matryoshka gave me. I got the teddy bear in the hospital.

2. I LOVE sushi

3. I know how to say pineapple in 6 different languages

4. I am a night owl, I want to stay up until midnight even if I am tired and I have to get up at 5:30 the next day.

5. I am addicted to face book and flair

6. I have been pushed down the school hallway in a trash can during class. I have also been pushed around in a shopping cart in the middle of a street

7. I Like to walk around the city at night singing Out Tonight (from RENT) with Maya4Life

I don't know anybody to tag.... Every one that I know has blog has already been tagged!

Yepppp, I'm bored.



P.S. I got an 83 on my math test!! :0

Sunday, November 9, 2008


I just got home from a really great night w/ Maya4life. The funny thing about our little night out was that we went to a worship service at Mdogs Church. Just for all you don't now who Mdog is well, he was one of my most favorite teacher from last year, from ever. Well, this worship service was different in a sense because it was four guitarists/ singers and a drummer and they just sang songs about God. It was really beautiful. Just to let everyone know, we went to this thing because Maya4life's grandmother wanted us to. But I am really glad I did, I can't wait for the next one! The ironic thing about hearing my old teacher sing is that last year I made fun of him for his singing, but he really wasn't in his real voice. (Which is actual very good!) Another weird thing is that I have never seen him in jeans and a non-dressy shirt. We were all joking before the show because we thought he was not going to be able to sing when he saw me and Maya sitting in the front row! His face was great when he saw us, he had no idea we were coming! After the show we got to talk to hima and he asked us how school was going and all that stuff. Then we were just talking and he was like " You loved me, you hated me, then you loved me again, I didn't know what you thought of me!" We told him we did reallylike him and then we brought up the time he pulled me down the hall in my chair. Good times! Me and Maya had a really funny love-hate relationship w/ him and we pissed him off, got in trouble with him, and other times we just got along. It was great seeing him (and his daughter whom I used to friends with) again. I really miss him and all my teachers. My teachers have always played a really important part in my life and I htink that with out teachers young people would not beable to get by in this harsh world...

"What the teacher is, is more important than what he teaches." ~Karl Menninger

Yeah Mdog, just cuz you teach the worst and hardest subjects (science) doesn't matter cuz you are a great person! Now if the teacher teaches a goo subject and is a ncie person, that is just bouns! (Like MP)

Thanks to all my teachers who have made a diffrence...


Sunday, November 2, 2008


I have so much on my mind I should write about, but I just need to forget about all the stress in my life and write about something that I love so much: the musical RENT. For those of you unfortunate souls who haven't seen Rent, it is a powerful rock opera based on the famous french La Boheme (The Bohemian Life) It is about 7 (Sort of 8, but the 8th person is basically a reject.) bohemians (starving artists) that live in NYC's East Village, struggling to pay their rent. (Hence, the tittle.) Everyone of them has their own struggles to cope with, varying from sexuality, drug addiction, and Aids. It sounds like a very inappropriate movie, but believe me it is an amazing film (and musical) about love, friendship, and life as an artist.
The characters are as followed:
Mark Cohen,a struggling documentary filmmaker, the
narrator of the show and the person who creates a final movie which details his friends' lives and journeys throughout the story. Ex-boyfriend of Maureen. Roommate of Roger.

Roger Davis, an
HIV-infected musician who is recovering from heroin addiction; his girlfriend April killed herself after finding out she and he had HIV; Mark's roommate and Mimi's love interest.
Tom Collins, a
gay philosophy teacher and anarchist with AIDS; friend and former roommate of Roger, Mark, Benny, and Maureen; Angel's lover.
Mimi Márquez, an HIV-positive exotic dancer and
heroin junkie; Roger's love interest who used to be involved with "Benny" Coffin III. (I got my name MimiX from her. Not because I do heroin or strip, but because she changes so much in the movie and has the unique out look on life: No Day But Today, which becomes the movies theme.)
Angel Dumott Schunard, a
gay drag queen street percussionist/musician with AIDS; Collins' lover.
Joanne Jefferson, an Ivy League-educated
lawyer; Maureen's lover; lesbian.
Maureen Johnson, a
lesbian, performance artist; Joanne's girlfriend; Mark's ex-girlfriend.
Benjamin "Benny" Coffin III,
landlord of Mark, Roger and Mimi's apartment building; ex-roommate of Mark, Collins, Roger, and Maureen. Now married to Alison Grey of the Westport Greys and thus considered a yuppie sell-out. (He is the reject.)
Now, the theme No Day But Today really means a lot to me because it is something that I really try to live up to. It basically means live this moment as your last and live your life to the fullest, which is something I think everyone should try to do.
The writer of this musical, Johnathan Larson, died the day before his own creation would have first opened off Broadway. I find this painfully ironic and sad. If you listen to the music of Rent and do some research on Larson, you will see how much the lyrics to the songs connect with his death, it is as if he wrote is own memorial. Very sad. He died of Marfan syndrome, which was very sudden. I believe he is a pure genius for writing something as beautiful as RENT.
This is such a great musical, so powerful and if you haven't seen it I suggest you do. I strongly suggest you do. If the by the last scene you feel no emotion about the whole story, then you must have a heart of stone...
Some of my fav quotes from RENT:
"There's only now, there's only here, give in to love, or live in fear. No other path, no other way, no day but today."

"Loves not a three way street, you'll never share true love until you love yourself. I should know."
"Give into love, or live in fear."
"Merry Christmas bitches!"
"Actual reality! Act up! Fight AIDS!"
"I think they meant it when they said you can't buy love. Now I know you can rent it, a new lease you are my love - on life... be my life"
They call me... They call me... Mimi...

Friday, October 24, 2008


*Sigh* I hate math, it is stupied. One minitue I get it then they just have to go and add letters in with numbers and it just screws everything up!!! I thought I was doing better in math since I got a 90 on my math quiz on Wednesday, but then today we had a test and I didn't understand it at all! I didn't awsner a bunch of questions and the ones I did awsner I am positive I got wrong. Even if I did get then right, I would still fail. Without math my life would be so much easier...*Sigh*

But on the bright side it is Friday and I found both my scripts for drama. One of them was on the stage and another this guy had. Now I have two scripts. WOW....back up, baby! (in case I lose one!!)

Anyway, I was reading all my blogs that I have ever posted, and there...different, like me I guess. One of the first blogs I wrote that I wanted to be that cool drama geek, but I was a rebellious teen that didn't want to be here. Now I think I am... What am I? Maybe"that quite girl who likes theology class." I haven't really established a reputation at this school yet. At my old school I was the smart drama/ music geek that likes to get in trouble, or does trouble just find her? Yeah, I think It was mostly I am not trying to get in trouble, but I seem t0 a lot. For a while at my old school I was shy girl who didn't talk, then I was just girl who gets in trouble, but has good grades, finally I become drama geek. Now I am back to quite girl who doesn't talk. It is like one huge cycle of reputations. None of them are any good though. But popularity isn't the answer to life's longings, that is what they are teaching at this school anyway.

Peace out,

MX <3

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

More Theology Class

I ent 0n the retreat with some of the freshman class. It was a great experience in my opinion. We are required to go on this retreat to graduate, so might as well make the best of it. At first I was not so pleased about having to go because I wasn't going with my class and MP, so I was pretty PO'ed about that. then MP was talking to me on Friday after school, asking about me being adopted and having my parents being divorced. Then the conversation come to the subject of he retreat (which we were talking about in the first place) and he asked me if I wanted him to come on the retreat since I didn't know anyone going. I was very pleased with this idea, so I said yes and he ended up going with me to the retreat instead of to a doctors appointment. I thought that was a very nice thing for him to do. I felt so much less out of place when he was there.

Hey guess what??? My grades in science and math are coming back up!! I finally feeling like the old me again, the hard working-need to do my work me. I don't know what was going on, but I just kind of lost my motivation to do well. I think now that I have some friends,

and because I don't feel so stressed about my school work and because I am really enjoying drama, that I have got it back where it needs to be. I just need to keep it up....

So, school isn't really stressing me out right now, but the fact that the auditions for the district music festival are on Monday, and I don't even know the song is stressing me out! I really need to learn how to prepare for these kind of things ahead of time...And I need to stop leaving my script on the stage at drama. I lost my actually book-like script, so I got a photo copy, and I lost that too!! Gotta stop doing that....

Anyway, not much else to write about right now. I'm sure there will be after theology class, something funny or really confusing happens during that class. I mean yesterday MP, told me he needed to talk to me in the hall, and I thought I was in trouble. (I usually am when a teacher needs to talk to me) But he just asked my opinion on how he treated this kid who was acting up during class the other day. I have know Idea why. I asked him after class whyhe asked me that and he said he just valued my opinion. What does that mean? A teacher has ever said that to me before....


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Journey To The Past

I am really bad at math and science, just thought I'd let you all know. I swear I am going to fail both those classes. At least you don't have to be good at those two subjects to be a music teacher. At least that's what my dad says and he is a music teacher. That's what I want to be when I am older. Singing and pretty much anything to do with music is what I am good at, so that's what I have decided to do with my life. Or become a a diagnostician, but I am bad at math and science so that probably wont happen as much as I would like it to. Anyway, I am very bored right now. I should be studying for the test I have in english, considering that this is my only free period today. But I just can't concentrate on vocab at the moment. My mind is miles away from school right now, it is somewhere in northern Russia....

Yesterday my friend asked me if I could go anywhere int the world, where would I go? I have not been able to get that question out of my mind. I knew instantly where I wanted to go, Russia to that little town where I was born and where I live for the first year of my life. Most people would think I am crazy for wanting to go somewhere so cold, whats in Russia anyway? Well, my birth family, it's were I came from. I wish so much that I could go to Russia and live the way my birth mother had and to see the things she saw. I want to experience what my life would have been like if I had not been adopted, if only for a week and even if it wasn't really the way it would have been. More importantly I want to meet my birth mother, that is if she is still alive. Or maybe my brother, who would now be 21. I know that this is a goal that I may never reach, but I can try. Some day I will. I swear (but not to God because I go to a Catholic scholl..Lol...) that I will. And I'll write a blog about it! I think I'll call My Journey to the Past...

See, my theory is that where you have come from is not really who you are as a person, but it is a good place to start your journey in finding out who you are and who you want to become. So, how can I figure out who I really am without knowing where I came from? Where you come from may have nothing to do with who you are at all, but I still want the chance to explore my biological family history. I want to be there, in the place I was born just to see what it's like. And if I ever get the chance to I want to tell my birth mother thank you for loving me enough to give me up and for giving me a chance at a better life. A life that she may not have been able to provid me with. That is the greatest gift have ever recived...Life, and a chance to have the best life possible.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


Last night and today I have learned a lot about myself and my family...

Let me just start with telling you that deal with some emotional difficulties sometimes. I get anxious and stressed way to easily and sometimes I have to deal with depression. Not like I'm suicidal or anything, but I just have random outburst of feelings of sadness, loneliness, and confused sacredness and anxiety. I guess these feelings never go away, they are just hidden deep within me and when I don't have the strength to hide then from the world I break down and they all come rushing out like the Nile river. So, yesterday I was felt like I could not ignore these feelings anymore and I was mad about it. Mad at the world for no reason. And then my mom asked me if i was okay and so I told her how I started crying and i told her how I was feeling. She helped me feel better and deal with these feelings and told me she is seeing about a councilor for me. This was a major break through in our mother daughter relationship. I had always been very close to my mom when I was younger, but then I when I entered middle school I just hated her and could never talk to her about anything. Yesterday was the first time I felt like I could talk to my mother and feel close to her since 5th grade. I am so incredibility grateful I did.

Today was the first time I felt close to my grandmother in...forever. I have always seen her a s a woman that is always nagging at me for one thing or another. But today was grandparents day and she followed me in my classes today. That made me realize that she was interested in my life and she care what was happening in it. The whole experience I think made me appreciate her even more.

I wish to leave you with one last thought. Yesterday Maya4Life, my BFFL, (LOL, my mom didn't know what that was and I had to explain it to here.) asked me what my favorite word is. After thinking about this all night I think that my favorite word is LOVE. It is something that makes up this world. Just think about the world would be like with no love! I think it is would be pretty grim. You have to Love to Live and Live to Love and that is my theory for happiness and a life lived to the fullest. "Don't pity the dead, pity the living. The ones that live without love" Because they are the ones who will have a sad and lonely life. "Give into Love, or live in fear" Because to live in a world with no love is something to fear. Love yourself, love your friends, love your family because without love the world would stop spinning.




Quotes from Harry Potter and Deathly Hollows and RENT

Friday, September 26, 2008

Random Facts About My Life

Lots has happened since I've last written, maybe not interesting stuff, but stuff. Well, on Friday me and Maya4Life went to our old middle school. Talk about a blast from my past. I needed to have Mdog fill out an application for me, but he wasn't there. :( But we did see our old french teacher who we haven't seen since 7th grade because she has been in France on an exchange. It was great to catch up with her, she is really nice. Anyway, then we were going to got to the football game but V told us it was cancelled (which it wasn't!) But then we just watched a million episodes of House. I love House, he is like the coolest thing on TV. He's hilarious! Anyway, then I went to my homecoming dance on Saturday night. That suck so bad, let me tell you! The music was horrible, it was 1000 degrees in the gym, and it smelt so bad. IDK why. It was not fun, no body liked it. I wasn't going to go anyway, but my mother and grandmother wouldn't shut up about it. They were all like: "Your never going to make friends this way!" I HAVE FRIENDS, GET OVER IT!!!!! There not all to close, but I have friends. Finally I broke down and said I would go. What a waste of 10$ and a Saturday night.

Monday I had more tests and so starts my boring week all over again. At least today is the last day of school, because we don't have school 2morow! YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! I can sleep in! :D :D Yeah, but we get our progress reports in the mail this weekend! Yikes, my grades will probably be the lowest they have ever been. Oh, well I have plenty of time to bring them up. And I will, I swear. Not to God because I go to a catholic school and my conscience will eat away at me if I do. Me and Maya4Life have started calling MP my conscience,because basically that is what he is. Every theology class it is like a major guilt trip about every thing I have ever done wrong in my life. He is my conscience without even knowing it. But I still think he is really nice and I still absolutely love theology.

OMG! I have now been upgrade to the queen of the morlocks in drama! (Random, I know) It is not to much of an improvement, but it is a challenge. And I like a challenge when it comes to acting. I know basically just get to chill with king and order the other morlocks around. It is a role easier to develop then just a morlock, I think. So, drama should be interesting and pretty good. Well, I am sooo glad there is no school tomorrow, and yeah.



Thursday, September 25, 2008

Tests, Tests, and More STUPID TESTS!

I have 5 tests tomorrow, and I am no where thrilled about it. The teachers here have told us that they are only allowed to test us on certain days so we don't have a million tests on one day. There doing a great job at this! Oh, well. I feel ready for most of them. Just gotta do like a 3 hours study session tonight. And it will be such a good feeling to have then all done with by the end of Friday. (But I do have one on Monday. More time to study!) I got my math quiz back today. I failed. Or barely passed, I can't remember. Just for all of you who didn't know, failing isn't something I do often. (Although it may seem like it.) In middle school I got nothing lower than a 94 ad I had never failed anything up until the start of this year. I have no idea why. I'm really gunna need to do better...

Anyway, today in theology MP wrote this quote on the board: "Show me who your friends are and I'll show you what kind of person you are." -Rosa Bolda

This quote sadly, is so true. In the society we live in today, people will judge you and the people that surround you as a whole before they get to know you as an individual. So, if your friends are making the wrong chooses they will assume you are to. Like judging a book by it's cover. If people didn't do this, the world would be a much better place, in my opinion. The meaning of this saying reminds me of something Mdog said to me at conferences. He said he didn't want me to get in the wrong group in high school, assuming that I was in with the wrong crowd last year. He said I needed to get in with a group of people who were as focused on school as I was. Now see, if he hadn't judged us as a whole he would have realized that my friends where into school and they tried there best. And he would have seen that although I my do better in school than some of my friends (I may not have) that that dose not mean they are not as focused on school as me.

Anyway, the moral of the story is just don't judge a person to quickly because you don't know what they have gone through or what their lives are like or even who they are. SO, just get to know then before you assume things, because the things that you may think could be very untrue and hurtful.

See ? I am learning things in theology?


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

What A Day

Yeah, what a day! Everything that could have gone wrong did. But despite that fact I don't feel stressed at all. I only have tests to study for tonight and I am not really all that tired, and I might be able to hang with Maya4Life (and all my real friends) on Friday! I guess you could even say I am in a pleasant mood. Long time since that has been true. I just had a burst of enthusiasm to do my best today, although a lot of things went wrong....

Well first off, you should know that I didn't have theology class and that never makes me to happy about my day. Then I had science first, which is my hardest subject. After that I had a math quiz, which I already know I failed. I suck so bad at testing. I know all the material, but then I test poorly. Kinda like what happends to me at audition time. Gotta work on that to! Anyway...then I sat with sophmores at lunch which is highly looked down upon in this school. I didn't figure this out until after I had finished eating, then I practicaly ran out of the cafe. Finally I couldent gt my locker open, so I had to get the janitors. I have never had issues withmy locker, but today it just woulden'topen, so I am guessing that someone switched the lock. So, I had to get the combo for the loick that was on my looker from outr assistant principal. She scares me. Alot. At least she is going to go back to being a L.A. teacher on Monday! Because I coulden't get my locker open, I missed the whole Key Club meeting, so I wont be able to work at the cancer walk this weekend. What a day!

Despit it, I defied what should have given me the worst headache andf and an even wosre attutude, and still came out with a positive out look on life!

Lets see how long this lasts...


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Today in The Life of MX

Today in the life of Mx, things aren't as complicated and hard as they were yesterday. I have a short day at school today, and only math HW so far. I got to watch House last night and I have theology next, so all is well. I really do think I was tired yesterday and I was worried about how my audition went, so that's why I was in such a crappy mood. And I had a lot of HW, which I finished on time!!

Anyway, about my audition...It went well, but I really do think it could have gone a lot better. I felt so rushed because I had to leave and I only got like 30 seconds to look at the scene I was suppose to read. But maybe because of my impressive stage performance history, the director Will cut me some slack and give me a decent role. Oh, well all the upper class man get the leads anyway and most of them are way better actress's than me. There is always next year, I am getting better at what I do every day, so next year or maybe even the musical is possible to get a lead. I have never really gotten a major role in play, mostly because I only do musicals. Not that I get leads in those either. I'm not bad or anything (I hope!) it's just that when auditions come around, I am never ready. that's something I really need to work on this year.

Anywho....off to theology!


Monday, September 22, 2008


Do you ever just want to scream, or cry? Yeah, that was my day today. I have no idea why, but every seemed harder than it should have been. It was just very stressful for some unknown reason. The work load wasn't even that hard. I guess everyone has those days...

I did audition for the play today. It went well, but I could have been better. I can always do better, or at least that's what I belive like all the time. I dn't know why. I guess you could say I am an over achiver, at leas I was in middle school. It jsut seems to dang hard here!!!!!!!! I feel way to stressed today. Every thing is so complicated. I don't wnat to come off like life is crap and I have the hardest life ever, but it just feels like that sometimes, although it is not entierly true. have no consentration for anything today, which makes math homework impossible. I have yet to do any homework. Which is not going to make my wicked hard teaches pretty PO'ed. Oh, well none of them like me anyway. Well, MP does. His class was the only none stressful part of my day.I am really tired today, and I think that is the source of all this streddfulness. I really need to get more sleep, which is kinda hard because I never have time to sleep. TO MUCH to do and worry about right now. I am so close to a freaking mental break down here! I am sick of my life, and I don't know how much more crap I can take. I am tryng so hard to do my best and make verything work, but isn't doing anything. I don't know how much more I can take.....


Friday, September 19, 2008


So I have ended my third week of high school! And with no detention! I am very proud of myself for that and the fact that I actually have people to sit with at lunch.

I am still not sure about how I feel being at this school. I love the theology and religion so much, but a lot of the other aspects of this school I hate with a passion. So I don't even know if I like it here or if I hate it. It is so confusing. I wish there was just a letter you got in the mail or something telling you exactly where you should be in your life. But unfortunately, there isn't so we have to just figure out these things for our selves. But I am not sure how to figure out this dilemma especially since I am torn between my heart and my religion. Shouldn't those two things work hand in hand? For the religious out look on everything, I want to stay at this school, but my heart is still telling me I don't belong. I mean the education, the mission, and the theology at this school is good, but I fell like there is something missing other than my social life. I have no idea what that is. I don't know a lot of things right now. I do't know what I want or how I am even feeling. I just wish with my whole heart that I could figure out everything in my life that has a question mark after it. All in good time I suppose. I guess I've gotta take it one step at a time....

I'm goin' to bed.

Peace out to all readers,


Thursday, September 18, 2008


What can I say about drama? Well, the fist meeting of the drama society was yesterday. It was amazing!!!! I is the only thing I like about this school, other than theology and MP. We are doing The Time Machine for out fall play. I am not a fan of this particular play, well what I've heard of it anyway. But I suppose I can give it a try. Let me tell you, drama here is all jokes, all the time. I mean they are serious about the production, but everyone is always cracking a joke or turning something the director says into a joke. There is a lot of funny people in drama, which makes for a great time. And our director is really funny too. He goes right along with the jokes. Lots of laughter here people, which I definitely need after a long day of school. W did a lot of improv games yesterday, which is also something I enjoyed. I also made some friends to hang with. That was good, ecspecailly considering the fact that drama and theology are the only things that are gunna get me through this school unless I make friends

HAHA! Talking about theology class, I jsut came from there! It was sooooo funny. MP makes me laugh. He has a way of telling a story that is just really funny and he's so nice. Our class always gets into really fun and funny class discutions, usually way off topic. As much as we get off topic, I am learning things about my religion and mission of my school every day. I think I am beginning to apresate what this school stands for and what being a person for God and others really means.( Although I still don't enjoy this school or even know if this is the best place for me.) WOW! Big step! And it's all because of theology and MP. Who would have thought that religion would be my favorite class although I dislike goingto church. The wonders one teacher can do....

Drama and Theology ROXZ! :)



I got an A on my math test!!!!!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


Yes, today is the dreaded picture day. I just had mine done and the lady made me do this wicked weird full body pose. Hopefully it doesn't look to stupid. I am not buying any pictures this year so, it only really matters if the head shot for the yearbook looks good. I think it will turn out okay. I mean my hair looked good enough and I don't think I was doing that nerdy smile of mine that shows my bad teeth which desperately need braces. At least I don't have to worry about how my cloths looked cuz I was wearing our stupid uniform. Ya know, my sisters school had a dress down day on their picture day.

Anyway, I have gone from straight A's to failing two quizzes. Yes, I failed both my first math AND my science quizzes. And progress reports come out in 2 weeks! I know, it is only the first quizzes, but they can really bring down your grade here. At least I go a B on the math quiz I had today and I feel good about the french and English quiz I had on Friday. I rally hope I did okay. I have never failed a quiz before. I have never failed anything before! If this had happened in middle school I would have been freaking out. But I am not to worried about it at the moment, which is weird cuz I need to do my best in high school. At least I'm trying...

Going to take another quiz,


Monday, September 15, 2008


One good thing about catholic school: we have a lot more days when we don't have to go to school and public school does. I mean we have no school on all the Holy and saint days. We don't have school today because it is the states religious school confrence or something. And guess what I had to do today? Homework! What a fun day off! Why do I have so much HW? I don't get it. I mean it never helps me understand anything any better! Oh well, again that's what you get for taking all honors, MX. Goodness, why did I do that? I REALLY don't know. I don't like HW. I Like music. I know that's random, but I am listening to iTunes right now. I think I would go crazy without music. It is such a HUGE part of my life. I mean, I am a singer. I love to sing, it is just an amazing feeling being up on stage preforming, or even just singing in the shower. Sing is an escape from the rest of this confusing world, the same as listening to music or writing is. It is my self expression. Heck, music makes me who I am. Or some of what makes me who I am. Now what's the rest?...

Till I have more to write,


Sunday, September 14, 2008


Has anyone ever heard of the Mothman, or seen the movie about him/it? I just saw it and the idea of the Mothman fascinates me. If you haven't heard of the Mothman, he is said to be a black, human/moth thing with glowing red eyes. Cool right? Well, I thought so. (well, in a creepy, weird way.) He is said to be a myth like bigfoot or something, but no one has proven he dosen't exist. He seems to show up in times of tragedy, like when the Silver Bridge in Pleasent Point, West Virgina broke and 46 people died. Or when the Twin Towers crumbled to the earth on 9/11. People have said to have seen him in times like these and the days folowing up to things like these happening. There has been numoreus sightings of him, but were those just a hoax? Is this myestrious Mothman really a super natural being? I really wish I knew. And is this Mothman thing good or bad? I believe that he is a dark creature who isn't the bad guy because it is also said that he warns people of this tradgedys. Anyway I am doing research into this because it is a mstey that intresst me. I know what your thinking: she's a freak who belives in the "Mothman". Maybe so, but I've had my fill about super natural creatures for today, so I'll stop writing about it And I'm not obsesed,or that weird, this movie that I saw just puzzles me.

Now back to HW!!!

Peace out,



If the Mothman intrests you check this out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothman

Friday, September 12, 2008

One Hi Can Make Your Day

People are mean here.You'd think they'd be wicked nice and welcoming, but no. Not all people are earn, but some. I got to school at like 7:20 and barely anyone was here, so (I just sat down ta a random table in the cafe to study for a test. Then this girl sat down with me. She seemed nice and all then she's like freshmen have those two tables over there. And nobody was even there! Gosh, I can sit where ever I want and if somebody has a issue with that then that's just too bad!
But as I said, not everyone is bad. MP is nice. He is the only one that makes me fell welcome at this school, he is actually very kind to me. He is my theology teacher. He is a really good teacher and he is really passionate about what he dose. I was having a wicked bad day yesterday cuz I did bad on a test and I was following the wrong schedule and skipped two classes. I just was not happy and I did not want to be at school. He asked mewhat was wrong when I was rushing to class when I figured out my schedule, so I told him. And I was really upset cuz I did not feel good and I just hated everybody and everything. But he just told me it was going to be alright and that it was okay. He made my day just by saying a few words to me. The rest of my day I felt better and I couldn't wait for his class, and I enjoyed it. I think he is my hero just saying hi. (which he dose every time I see him in the hall) God bless him.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

School is...

School gives me a headache. I hate it. Fixing my computer also gives me a headache, and I still haven't fixed my stupid iTunes yet! I am going to go crazy without my music. Yeah, I deleted all the music on my iPod and now it won't let me put any of it back on.

I have a hour break from the boring thing we call school, so i guess I'm writing on my blo, finally. ( I should be doing homework.) I still am not enjoying school at all. My moms in love with my school though. It was parent's night. Scary thought. My mom, talking to my teachers, about ME! That's my worst nightmare. Anyway she loves my school, and I hate it. But she says that she could never pass high school now. My dad dose too. Dose that mean we are smarter than our parents? Sometimes I think it dose. Although i don't like school, am realizing that the education here is good. It is challenging and the teachers here are almost like professes. But the social aspect of it (for me anyway) sucks. I have no friends, no relationships to teachers, and I don't like the atmosphere of this school. It is to uptight and strict, not open enough.

I miss middle school, as lame as I may seem for saying that. I miss all my teachers, my friends, my classes. I felt so comfortable at my middle school and with all my teachers. I miss how much fun it was. Yes, there was a lot of work, but it had a laid back, fun atmosphere. I miss it. I really do. At least the weekend is kinda almost here, and I Can hang with my friends. Maybe my cousins too. (Yes, I love to hang out with my cousins. We all go to church together on Sunday and then we go to each others house. It's nice to be with family on Sunday.) Maybe I'll go see a movie with Maya4Life on Friday. I saw Batman and the Disaster Movie last Friday. They both were really good, but Batman rocks! I also got to walk around down town with my sis. That was funny, we both Had different uniforms on and people were staring at us.

OMG! I got like a wicked bad grade on my first amthh quiz. I barely got a B, i think. Oh wel, only the first quiz. Anyway, I am doing well in everything else. Well, I shoul do HW. Thanxz for actually reading this blog!




Friday, September 5, 2008


I HAVE ACTUALLY SURVIVED MY FIRST WEEK OF HIGH SCHOOL! :0 :O I have no IDEA how I did it at all. I thought I would have already had a mental break down or at least a detention. But the only trouble I've gotten into is people telling me that my collar botton is the only one that can be unbottoned. Shocker. I guess it wasn't totally horrible. I mean, I guess I have at least one friend and I already have straight A's. How did that happen, ALREADY? Well, I guess we have had at least 2 quizzes in each class. Thats what you get for taking all honors your freshman year. I am just so glad it is Friday and I can ACTUALLY wear what I want. It is amazing. I'm serious after wearing the same uniorm everyday, you can't wait to burn it! I don't know how I am going to be able to deal with that all 4yrs! At least I don't have to pick out my outfits in the morning. I just still don't understand about going to this school. I don't like it, but I don't think I'm gunna die from it either. Is this were I am suppose to be? It's what my heart is telling me to do, but then agian my heart is one screwed up organ. I am not sure were I am suppose to be, or what I want. Maybe I will be able to figure it out, but how. Life is just so full of questions ad not enogh awsners. TGIF!!!


Thursday, September 4, 2008


OMG! I am already on my THIRD day of school! wow. And you should see my homework load! double wow. And yes after 3 days, I still feel the same way about this school as before. But I am really just trying to accept it for what it is, ya know? But it's hard to do that. I mean school is so dull. All I do is work, eat, and more work. I have no social life at all. I guess I have friends, but they're more like just people I sit with at lunch. I kinda feel like a zombie. Just floating thought each day, doing what I'm suppose to be doing. Then I go home and do the same thing. Is this how high school is suppose to feel like? I don't think so, but it still dose. At least most of my teachers are nice. My math teacher looks like Mark, from RENT, and he seems pretty nice. My history teacher is just plain harsh. He is all like "I am just trying to prepare you for the real world, and the really world isn't always fair." Blah Blah Blah. Yeah, I know the real worlds harsh, but could you lighten up just a bit? He is a pretty good teacher though. My science teacher is nice, young and fun. That's about it. Her class is to easy so I am going to honors Physical Science. Mdog taught me well. He's my old science teacher, and his class was great. Boy do I miss is 5 page long tests compared to this easy crap I''m taking. My religious teacher is also nice to, he is very gangster, in a way. He says 'ight, like every ten seconds. hes cool. My choir director is also very good, but I had to sing for him this morning. He's all like you are an alto, aren't you? And I'm like NO! I am a saprono. But at 8:00 in the moring my voice is not in it's full range yet. So, I am in the saprono section of choir. I still am not sure of what to make of my L.A. teacher yet. In good time though I should be able to tell you what he's all about.

So, for the most part school isn't great, but it isn't exactly crap either. It's dull. And boring. ANd I have no friends. AND I have lots of hw. Not to complain or anything. Well, I guess school is pretty crappy. But I just have to accept it for what it is and do my best and hopefully things will get better. I thiunk I might be ablre to survive this school for awhile. But when i fel like I'm gunna die at this school, I'll let ya'll know. (That should be in 2 weeks or so.) But till then the all powerful and mighty MX is just gunna have to hang in there...



Monday, September 1, 2008


OMG! 2morow is school! I am soo nervous and upset that I am actually going to this school that I could cry. There are other reasons I could cry to. I just am not to happy with my life at the moment. It's not all bad, but it's just kinda confusing right now. See, my parent's are divorced. Have been ever since I was like 5 and I think it's harder now then it ever has been. Going into high school and all, our schedules for who we will be with everyday is just weird. Also, with my dad working numerous jobs, it also makes it more confusing. I don't blame him at all. He only wants the best for us. But I just wish somtimes that they weren't divorced. It would be easier, but then agian it would be hell in my house with them fighting. And they both have found wonderful people to spend the rest of their lives, even though they never get married agian. I am glad they are both ahppy (for the most part), but I just wish there was an easier way to do all this and make it work for all of us. But I guess we are just gunna have to work it out like everything els in life. Most kids whos parents are divorced learn how to deal, but being adopted (yeah me and my sis were adopted from Russia) and having divorce parents has a harder emotional aspect to it. It is just hard toover come emotional things for me. But hopefuly with grea family and friends by my side I can work throught this dificult time in my life.
Later y'all and thanxz for reading. Oh, and wish me good luck at school!!

Sunday, August 31, 2008


Hey everybody! 2 more days till school! :( NOT looking forward to that at all. Now if I were headed back to middle school I would be absolutely ecstatic. I mean it was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but middle school was great! But private school is another story. They are way to strict, while I am use to fun atmosphere at school.
Anyway, enough about school. Well, my life isn't that interesting, but yesterday I went to the mall. I know the MALL! WOW! But the only bad part was I went with my mom. A mom on a mission isn't really the kinda person you wanna go shopping with. (No offense to moms around the world) We had to go get pants for my uniform. See, at my school they are way to strict about pants. We had already went to get pants before, but they were to tight. Then they were to baggy. Then they were just to ugly. So, my mom had finally had it with me and she dropped me off at the gap and instructed the sales woman to help me. It was so much easier to shop with this random person than it was with my mom. So I found the perfect pair of pants (for this school anyway) and we went home. Then we had to go to church. WOW! Some more fun! But it wasn't that bad because most of my cousins were there. Then we had to go to the cemetery to visit my grandfathers grave because he die 4 years ago from today. :( RIP Grandpa. We also saw my cousins grave who died 4 years ago a month before today. That was sad, he was only 11 when he died. :( RIP Lev. Anyway then my grandmother offered to come over and hem my pants because they were just a bit to long. So, she came over and insisted that the pant's were to tight for school. (Which they weren't!) So, I had to go back to the Gap with my GRANDMOTHER! That was little weird. So, finally I got pants to please everyone, But then my Grandmother gave me this little "talk" about how my grandfather was the most well groomed msn in our town and that I am a TAl (refering to her last name) and I have to keep that in mind when I am at school. But I am not a TAl I AM A NIX (refering to MY last name) I am not who she belives I am and just becasuse my grandfather had a name to uphold, I will follow in my own foot steps were ever they may lead. Like Maya4Life (I think that is the right name!?), my BFFL, says it is up to me to maker this path my own. I haev no disrecpect for my Grandfather, I just do not want to fllow in some one elses lead.
Well, I guess I will leave y'all with one last piese of advice: Friends are like 4 leaf clovers, hard to find but lucky to have. This is so true, so if you have a great friend don't let them go. Keep them in your heart 4ever, just as I shall. Shout out to Maya4Life (i really hope that is the name you are using!): You alsways have the right things to say and you help me understand the things I can not compreehend myself. BFFL! (And I mean it, I don't know what I'd do without you!)

Friday, August 29, 2008


Hey anyone who cares to read this!!! I am done with my work for the summer! :) But I still have to do work after school this year. :( Oh well. At least AbrocombieJo is nice.

 You know, I still can not see myself at this private school. It is just too weird, I can't comprehend it all!! I just don't fit in with this school and I can not see myself there in a million years. I told my mother over, and over again that I could not (and would not) go to this school. But she said it's final, and I guess there's no point in agreeing that now since school is starting on Tuesday. I can't understand the fact that I'm going to this school. It's not that it's a bad school or anything, it's just so not me. And if  you know me you know what I'm talking about, but if you don't you don't know me well enough. I just wish there was some other way to communicate feelings on this school to my mother. I have tried every thing from a well thought out email to a persuasive essay, but she still does not understand why I don't want to go there. There are too many reasons  to get into tonight, but I will surely tell them to you all some other night.

I guess I should just try to get past the first day before I start flipping out. I am told that you should just take it one step at a time, but I can't help think about tomorrow or next week. The truth really is that I am afraid. Afraid of the future. Afraid of change. And afraid that the life I will  live and who I become will not really be what they should be. But I guess that's up to me what happens next and if it's right or not, right?


Thursday, August 28, 2008


Hey people! I'm back after not even 3 hours! WOW! I guess I have nothing better to do. I have no homework, so all I have to do is watch TV and only a rerun of Nanny 911 is on. And ya know Myspace gets pretty boring after like a year... I just feel kinda anxious and when I'm anxious I write. I don't even know why I am anxious. I think it's just because I'm bored and depressed that I have to start school SO soon, like next Tuesday soon! At least I didn't have to start today like my sister, McAri. She's my twin.

SO, who is MX? I mean probably all of you who are cool enough to read this blog know my true identity, but who am I really beyond my name and interest? I don't even know who I am or who I want to be. I guess I am on a journey to find myself in this vey confusing and stressul world I live in. I hope you can understand this and how this is important for any young woman to do as they are in their high school years. And you know what? The school in which you are attending should help you on this increadbley important journey. I do not feel as if my school is doing that. That is one of the big reasons I hate the fact that I am going there. I feel as if every one is different and unique in their own way and so there for meaning that the journey and discovery of who they really are should be as unique and different as they are. I feel that at my school they are trying to make us all experince the same journey and become the some person in the terms of belifs and ideals. Maybe this is not all together true, but that is just simply how I feel. I think that I need to be at a school that has more respect for individuality. I am not saying my school dose not recognize individuals for who they are, I am just saying they do no recognize it enough for my liking. I am desperately trying to figure exactly who I am and what I was put on this earth to do, and I hope that my school and their beliefs will not stop me from doing just that. I just wish I could be at a place where I could fully flourish into who I was meant to be without having the schools beliefs and lack of respect for individuals stop me from becoming the the true me.

More later. Peace.



I don't know who will read this blog, or even why I started it. The idea came to me I guess when my friend started her blog: Our Life in Maine. So, I don't know what I will write about or who will listen to it anyway, but I am going to write something. I guess I'll start with my day. Nothing to eventful happened, but I have to start somewhere. Today I had to do custodial work at my way over priced private school (where I was forced to go for my high school education) to pay off my high school bill. That was fun, we cleaned bathrooms. Yes! My dream job! At least my supervise, Jo, was nice. He wears Abrcombie every day, which is kinda weird since he's like 60. Anyway, I am new to this weird school so I have to make new friends. (Although I am perfectly fine with my old ones.) I guess I did, but they aren't anything like me. I don't even understand how we could get along, that's how different we are. At least I have some one to sit with at lunch, so I won't be that nerd who sits by them selves. Don't you just hate being that girl? I have been that girl on numerous occasions, so I have no disrespect for those kind of people I just don't want to be that, again. I was hoping to be like that awesome drama geek who has an incredible singing voice when I entered high school. But I'm more along the lines of the rebellious teen who doesn't want to be there. Oh, well in time I shall redeem my tittle of awesome drama geek. Or maybe I will become the shallow low life with a lame blog. I guess your just gunna have to keep reading my lame blog to find out. :O
Till next time.....